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  #11  
Old 02-16-2012, 12:23 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by RobertJason View Post
Well, maybe Nympho isn't the right word. When your having 2-4 hours a day of sex in an 16 hour waking day, it's high right?
Umm, no, not really. I don't think it's high. I don't want my sexual activities to be short and over quickly. If I am going to be sexual with someone, I'd say at least 2 hours of sex play is average.

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I mentioned my boundaries. She wasn't happy that I had to approve of anyone she sleeps with, she said boundaries are rules and she's not into rules.
You've only been seeing her for three months and want to "approve" who else she fucks? Are you insane? You hardly know each other - three months is nothing. What makes you think you should have any authority over her body and how she lives her life?
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-16-2012 at 12:25 AM.
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  #12  
Old 02-16-2012, 01:01 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Uh, he's someone she wants to be in a relationship with, apparently, so yes, it matters how he feels about various people she wants to have sex with. He has every right to say, "I'm not comfortable with you sleeping with this person, so if you want to sleep with him I will not be sleeping with you." It's not even an ultimatum, really- it's his choice.

He's not even sure he's okay with being in an open relationship. Maybe he is (or will be) but she's the one pushing too far too fast. He already said he isn't bothered by the Tantra guy, because of the respect shown to him and the gf. Why SHOULDN'T he be bothered by someone who has the potential for a ton of drama and hurt? Who would want that for someone they care about?? If the original agreement had been, "Sure, go have sex with whoever, I don't care," then his current position would be shaky. But he seems to have been fairly up front about being okay with the concept of poly but not necessarily okay with the application.
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  #13  
Old 02-16-2012, 02:27 AM
Jericka Jericka is offline
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It sounds like the relationship itself is new, and hasn't had any sort of chance to settle into what it could be long term. It's NEW. Very new.

Different people want different amounts of sex, and it's a (not accurate) stereotype that women want less than men. We are told that it's so, but, the evidence mostly points to it not really being so. culturally we are told that men should want it more, but, don't let that interfere with seeing this situation as an individual situation and the variance of desire as OK. Really. It is ok to not want it as much or as often as someone else....or to want sex more. It happens.

On to the rest....

Tantra guy sounds ok. If it were me, I could deal.

The musician guy does not sound ok. To me. He sounds like Drama, and Risk. I'd be expressing doubts too, though I don't have any kind of veto power in any relationship that I am a part of...except I know what my own personal deal breakers are.

If a partner of mine wanted to partner someone who sounded risky STD-wise, we'd be using condoms. Every time. No exceptions. I expect people to be respectful of my health and my partners' health. That is just a bare minimum. I expect people who profess to care about me to ACT like it! Words are cheap.

If a person was a drama-llama, I won't be hanging out with them. My partners can choose to do so, but, the drama needs to stay Over There. I will support my partners, but, some people are drama magnets and though they may be magnetic, I am not attracted.

The very basic thing is, you can choose your relationships, and you are permitted to have deal breakers. You can't choose someone else's relationships or force your deal breakers onto them. You may have to decide if the relationship is making you happy, or if not being in the relationship will make you happier.
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  #14  
Old 02-16-2012, 03:55 PM
RobertJason RobertJason is offline
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Nycindie, it depends on the level of commitment we want. At this point, I was seeing her nearly every night, have a close relationship with her kid, moved closer to her, and have quickly become the main component in each others life. So, I do feel I should have a say. But, since she wants to be with multiple people, I'm backing down to a less serious relationship. Then it just feels like she's dating and I'm dating, and she goes back to making choices as if she were single, which is freeing to her. And I go back to using condoms.
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  #15  
Old 02-16-2012, 07:04 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertJason View Post
Nycindie, it depends on the level of commitment we want. At this point, I was seeing her nearly every night, have a close relationship with her kid, moved closer to her, and have quickly become the main component in each others life. So, I do feel I should have a say. But, since she wants to be with multiple people, I'm backing down to a less serious relationship. Then it just feels like she's dating and I'm dating, and she goes back to making choices as if she were single, which is freeing to her. And I go back to using condoms.
I don't understand why you weren't using condoms in a new relationship.

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Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
He has every right to say, "I'm not comfortable with you sleeping with this person, so if you want to sleep with him I will not be sleeping with you." It's not even an ultimatum, really- it's his choice.
That's completely different than saying he wants to be able to "approve" of her sexual partners.
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  #16  
Old 02-16-2012, 08:08 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Uh, he's someone she wants to be in a relationship with, apparently, so yes, it matters how he feels about various people she wants to have sex with. He has every right to say, "I'm not comfortable with you sleeping with this person, so if you want to sleep with him I will not be sleeping with you." It's not even an ultimatum, really- it's his choice.
Well, it's kind of an ultimatum.

Quote:
He's not even sure he's okay with being in an open relationship. Maybe he is (or will be) but she's the one pushing too far too fast. He already said he isn't bothered by the Tantra guy, because of the respect shown to him and the gf. Why SHOULDN'T he be bothered by someone who has the potential for a ton of drama and hurt? Who would want that for someone they care about?? If the original agreement had been, "Sure, go have sex with whoever, I don't care," then his current position would be shaky. But he seems to have been fairly up front about being okay with the concept of poly but not necessarily okay with the application.
Some poly people are open also to the idea of a more booty call relationship. Especially if it's with someone you've had a crush on for years.

I'd recommend she see test results before she has sex with the Musician tho, for her own good.

If he really is a high STD risk, I can see not wanting to have sex with her after she does with him... Whether her sex drive is "too high" or not is judgmental. Whether you have a risk of disease if she gets one, is just watching out for your own health.

I am guessing you two are both young, in your 20s? It might be too early to ask for exclusivity.
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