Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-07-2014, 04:56 AM
Candiedlove Candiedlove is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 239
Default Staying Connected to Your Partner Whose Away

Was just looking over the Poly Vignettes thread, noticed was a new story, and that spurred this thought.

What do you do when your partner is LDR or just away for a long time, or short time, or however long?

Some of the things that have helped a lot (and are cheap and don't involve actual travel to visit each other, though that's best of course!):

1) Skype Video chat (or anything similar). Sometimes (though too often and I think the appeal might wear off) he keeps the video up, to watch me fall asleep. Or if I wake up early to chat with him and want to go back to sleep afterwards, he'll just watch me sleep. It actually feels absurdly comforting.

2) A daily "Good morning" and "Good night" text

3) Sending pictures of each other doing normal (non sexy) stuff throughout the day, especially positioned so that I can visualize myself in them (like he sent one of him on the couch, with a view that I would have if I were lying in his lap)

Any others? I'm usually with him now, but a little nervous that things will change for the next few months and looking for other ways to stay connected...
__________________
Newly poly, but never monogamous

The "polyship":

Me 28F,
Sam 39M, my partner
Leana 29F, Sam's and my girlfriend
Felycia 29F, Sam's and my fwb?/potential girlfriend
Candi 41F, Sam's and my fwb/emphasis on the "f"/light on the "b"
Jen 38F, Sam's fwb

The former players:

Charlene, Sam's ex-wife
Paul, Charlene's boyfriend

Last edited by Candiedlove; 10-07-2014 at 04:59 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-07-2014, 11:51 AM
KC43 KC43 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 542
Default

When I was in the LDR with Guy, we called each other or at least texted or instant-messaged several times a week.

That was pretty much it; I tried to get him to sign up for Skype, partly so we could talk "face to face" and partly because he has an autistic son who needs to *see* the person he's speaking to and so refuses to talk to Guy on the phone, and Guy kept "forgetting" to do it.

It's a non-issue now, anyway. But to be honest, with Guy I preferred it being long distance.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-07-2014, 01:51 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 967
Default

When Chops is with Xena, he's about 1.5 hours away, so we do have our rituals when he's not home with me. We tried Skype, but it ended up leading to longer conversations, and it felt like he was taking away from the time of the person he was supposed to be with (sucks wanting to go to bed and falling asleep because his Skype chat with Xena took almost an hour).

What works for us is a good morning text, followed by a phone conversation on the drive into work. A quick call or two around lunchtime, a quick call on the drive home, and then another call goodnight. The calls on his drive or around lunchtime don't impact his time with Xena, but it still makes me feel like I'm being thought of and made time for.

Of course, reality strikes and the lunchtime calls are pretty sporadic (my occasional lunch meetings, or me teaching spinning class, or him having a work offsite), but it's nice to have the opportunity.

Your mileage may vary, of course.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-07-2014, 10:10 PM
A2Poly's Avatar
A2Poly A2Poly is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 140
Default

We talk. Not every day, but a couple or 3 times a week. Usually when his wife is busy with other things/away from the house. I like to talk to her too, and sometimes there are 3 way conversations which are a ton of fun since she and I are such good friends too.

We text. Too much sometimes. (3 hour text conversation last night when I should have been sleeping!) And picture texts are really important. Just that little vignette of what you are doing right then. I wish he would do it more, but I definitely do it a lot.

We email. I get into trouble with long form communication - too easy to write novels and then get into TL;DR. But it is good for sharing new articles or other things we've read. And for planning.

We play a "with friends" game on our phones (each turn just takes a few seconds, but you know they are thinking about you all through the day)

We plan for the next two or three visits. Since we see each other every month right now, we are starting to talk about New Year's. It is good to have that kind of long term thinking going on.

We read the same book. One book has been the topic of conversation for over a month now, he is the slowest reader of us all, and his wife and I have been finished it for sometime, and waiting (not so patiently) for him to catch up so we can talk about the ending! I'm looking forward to us picking something new soon. Something less dense this time!

And we watch some of the same shows on Netflix. Either at the same time and on the phone with each other (or all of us), or at different times and then talk about them.

I can't stand Skype, so none of that for me. But with so many other ways of staying connected... idk, I never feel far from his thoughts. LOADS of NRE still helps that, of course, lol.

Anyway, there are lots of LDR "hints" on the interwebs. Just search for them. Some will work for you (the TV and book ideas came from there, and they work really well for us) and some won't. But they are all worth a try!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-07-2014, 10:12 PM
Candiedlove Candiedlove is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 239
Default

We play Words with Friends. I like that. Reading a mutual book is a good idea!
__________________
Newly poly, but never monogamous

The "polyship":

Me 28F,
Sam 39M, my partner
Leana 29F, Sam's and my girlfriend
Felycia 29F, Sam's and my fwb?/potential girlfriend
Candi 41F, Sam's and my fwb/emphasis on the "f"/light on the "b"
Jen 38F, Sam's fwb

The former players:

Charlene, Sam's ex-wife
Paul, Charlene's boyfriend
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-08-2014, 12:35 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 6,281
Default

There's Google chat ... Facebook chat ... etc.

Email is my personal fave.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-08-2014, 03:06 AM
playfulgirl playfulgirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 12
Default

My partner lives an a little over an hour away with his wife and kids. We text a lot. Good morning and good night texts and or check in are essential for us. He spends two nights a week together. On those nights we make sure he has half an hour or so to call the family. His wife and I are good friends and occasionally lovers so she and I talk or text regularly. Keeping lines of communication open is key. We also schedule time for us girls about once every 6 weeks depending on schedules. She is very understanding about he and I having time to talk when we are apart. I find it helps that she and I are close enough to tell the other when we need specific focused time to talk with him when he is with the other one.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-08-2014, 03:14 AM
Nooshin's Avatar
Nooshin Nooshin is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Heaven
Posts: 21
Default

When I am away from Boo-Cake, I do the good morning/good night texts along with random pictures and memes of some of our favorite things...

Boo-Muffin and I send each other pictures of the food we're making for the day (or food in general) and sing each other random songs by texting each other lyrics...haha
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-08-2014, 03:31 AM
Candiedlove Candiedlove is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 239
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
There's Google chat... Facebook chat ... etc.

Email is my personal fave.
We text, FB chat, kik, Skype, and Words with Friends chat. All in same day. Email would be overkill
__________________
Newly poly, but never monogamous

The "polyship":

Me 28F,
Sam 39M, my partner
Leana 29F, Sam's and my girlfriend
Felycia 29F, Sam's and my fwb?/potential girlfriend
Candi 41F, Sam's and my fwb/emphasis on the "f"/light on the "b"
Jen 38F, Sam's fwb

The former players:

Charlene, Sam's ex-wife
Paul, Charlene's boyfriend
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-08-2014, 01:43 PM
Inyourendo's Avatar
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,160
Default

I've done tango with sam when he was in a medical study, that face to face element was really nice
__________________
Sue, hinge in a vee with Nate (Polysexual) and Sam (monogamous)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:50 AM.