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  #81  
Old 02-05-2011, 03:27 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Wow...sounds like you live in a bad area in regards to the honesty and communication level of these 'officials' you have been dealing with. Well, I'm glad your testing has come back okay so far. I'll send you healing and healthy vibes.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's unfortunate that your aunt felt the need to attempt to introduce any additional hardship or turmoil in your household. I think it's sad when people, especially those who have some sort of existing relationship with you, would rather cause a scene in your life than come to you personally to discuss their viewpoints on a situation, if that is the case. I, personally, weigh all of my relationships on a case-by-case basis without any biases due to relation or association. My family has been my best teachers regarding how untrustworthy and self-centered and ill-intended people can be so they don't get any special treatment. My chosen family are customized to the experience I want to have in life. I hope you have a great weekend.
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  #82  
Old 02-09-2011, 06:22 AM
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This last weekend was full of arguing and making up, typical of a family. Asha was upset with the guys, just for typical guy stuff, there was much apologizing, but I think things are resolved now. It's actually nice to fight every once in a while to help reassure me that fighting doesn't equal the end of the world. After she pushed Easy and I away last weekend, I'd been torn between defensive anger and anxiety. I have to admit that I haven't had great examples of disagreeing in my life; growing up, one person won all the fights and everyone else was expected to grovel in submission. No one openly disagreed without a large argument ensuing.

Asha and I had a long discussion about how she's feeling like no one values her, and how we can resolve that. I tried very hard to only be responsible for my own relationship, but I did pass on some suggestions to Easy. I'm trying to let go and let them have a relationship mostly free of my interference.

Asha told me that Sunday might ask me to go out for Valentine's lunch. I was shocked and stunned. Things have been better between the two of us since November, but in no way did I ever think we were to the "be seen in public" stage. It might not happen. I'm not holding my breath.

However, it did make me think about what should happen on Valentine's Day. Easy and I made arrangements that I think I can live with for him and Asha to go out. Provided he ever gets around to asking. Boys.

This was funny, and I have a limited audience to share it with: A couple of weeks ago, we were all having dinner at Asha and Sunday's house, and our male friend who's going through a divorce was there. We were talking and joking, I don't remember about what but it must have been poly in nature because Monkey looked at me with a confused look on her face and whispered, "Is he part of the group, too?" LOL! Like, "is he my new daddy?" Poor girl!
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  #83  
Old 02-13-2011, 07:45 PM
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Well, Easy and Asha are on a date. I think this is their first "real", romantic date, where they get dressed up and go to a restaurant and the whole purpose is to spend time together and NOT to discuss schedules or other family members or anything like that. Yesterday I was a mess, I think because I have a lot of bad Valentine's history, and I was scared that today was going to be more of the same. He swears that it won't be that way. I'm doing all right so far--typically, he leaves me with the responsibility like watching children, running errands, and taking care of life, while he goes out and does something fun. Also, I end up giving up what's important to me because there isn't time for it or something else has to be accomplished or I just don't feel like I've made the priority list. In order to stay sane, I've decided that when he's out having fun, I'm going to be doing things for myself. I would love to go out and get my bi-annual haircut, but I waited too long and didn't get an appointment. Sigh. Also, I communicated my fears to Easy and he says he understands and it won't happen this time. I made a list of things that I needed to have happen to make me feel like I was a priority this Valentine's Day, which he says he's read. He says he will make sure that my needs get met today. So far, I'm doing all right.

I was taking an anti-depressant to alleviate a painful condition I have, but I was sad all of the time while I was taking it, so I didn't take it last night. (I already know that it leaves the body in about 24 hours, and the doctor said to take it as needed so I know I don't have to take it every day.) I'm so much better today that I think it was definitely making me down. That's disappointing for me, because it does help with the pain. But that's probably why I was *such* a mess yesterday.

I wish that hair salon would call me back and say, why yes, we do have an appointment available for you and we can style and color your hair just in time for Easy to get home.

Sunday is a goober. He did finally ask me out--last night, at dinner, he leaned over and said, "So, Monday? About noonish?" Literally. I had a flashback to every bad romantic teen comedy made in the 80's. First, that he just assumes that I'm going to have saved the date JUST IN CASE he decided to ask me out, second that he can ask less than 48hrs in advance and I'll jump at it, and third that I'm just supposed to say yes and not ask questions--like, even, what restaurant. Of course, I did all of that, so I'm really hoping that doesn't make me completely pathetic. At least he's really taking me to a restaurant, and not Chipotle or something. Which would have been fine, but maybe a bit more casual than one would hope. Now, since we're both such stunning conversationalists, I fully anticipate long, awkward silences. I wish I was a bit more...I don't know, graceful? Articulate?

Okay, my phone isn't ringing. I guess I'm going to have to give up on the stunning new look for Valentine's.
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  #84  
Old 02-13-2011, 07:55 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Happy Valentine's Day Lemon.
I hope it all works out nice.
Try to just relax and enjoy the time away-even if there isn't a conversation going.
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  #85  
Old 02-13-2011, 10:08 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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So, I'm showered, I'm lotioned, I'm scented. I'm wearing make-up and jewelry. My shirt is so low-cut that I have to wear a matching bra, and my skirt is so tight that I have to hobble. I thought I looked pretty awesome.

Easy hit the door and said something along the lines of, "Oh hey honey, you look nice."

Granted, I didn't write that I wanted some attention and enthusiasm in my little list. I just made a list of the physical things I wanted, like eating out. Am I stupid? Is it impossible to expect my husband to be blown away by the way I look after 20 years of marriage? I just told him yesterday that I was so sick of being invisible.
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  #86  
Old 02-13-2011, 11:39 PM
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River River is offline
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Lemondrop,

You have quite a talent with words. I read recent posts here, but I'll need time to place these in context. But I wanted to invite you to join us at the thread on the book, "Radical Acceptance". You'll understand why as soon as you've read a chapter or two.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=66129

Hugs!

Last edited by River; 02-13-2011 at 11:45 PM.
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  #87  
Old 02-13-2011, 11:45 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Sweetheart-I bet you look SMASHING!
I on the other hand am wearing a worn thin summer dress (as a nightie) with a pair of white jogging socks. I'm curled up under a blanket eating Peanut butter with fresh strawberry sandwhich.

HUGS!
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  #88  
Old 02-14-2011, 12:54 AM
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River River is offline
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Holding myself in love the way I do ... He comes to me with tenderness and kisses.
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  #89  
Old 02-14-2011, 02:47 AM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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It all turned out okay.

I pouted for a few minutes, then I got mad and informed him that I looked too darn pretty to be treated with anything less than the best. I think he found it amusing and enjoyed being at my beck and call all evening. A great time was had, much sushi eaten, and I'm stuffed to the gills. I think Easy got a kick out of it every time I looked down my nose at him and informed him that I was too pretty to be hanging out at the dollar theater or the dollar store, LOL--because he actually suggested we run some errands while we were out! Crazy man.

LR, as long as you are happy with what you are wearing, and are getting some much-needed self-love, then your nightdress and jogging socks are the most beautiful clothes in the world. I hope you're having a good getaway! Mmmm..peanut butter and strawberries....

River, I'll check out Radical Acceptance, but I'm a little leery of anything with "radical" in the name.
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  #90  
Old 02-22-2011, 02:13 AM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Radical Acceptance is in at the Library.

My date with Sunday didn't happen. He called to cancel, telling me that a mutual friend--Asha's best friend--was in the hospital for chest pains. (He's going through a divorce and it was his wife's birthday, so we were pretty sure that he was suffering anxiety, but better safe than sorry) The date didn't get rescheduled, I presume because he was busy. Asha was fairly sick, so sick that I was picking the kids up from school, so I'm going to have to assume he had a lot on his mind. Sunday said we would try again this week, but I'm horribly busy this week, so now I'm debating cancelling some of the activities I have planned in order to get this date taken care of. But really I'm against that--I didn't plan the activities to spite anyone, and they were there first. Anyway, I haven't heard any specific dates mentioned yet so I'll have to wait and see what happens. I spoke to Asha earlier and she's much more ill now, so I think there's a possibility that this week won't happen either. I'm not sure how I feel about it, because it's triggering an older issue I used to have with Easy. He would cancel repeatedly, always for a "good" reason, but the end result was that my needs would go by the wayside. I think I'm doing okay with dealing with the trigger, which is a huge step forward for me if it holds. I keep telling myself that I'm in control, that if I don't make the priority list at some point then *I will take care of myself*. It helps to have Easy to shower some attention on me when I want it, though. Maybe that's cheating.

Because Asha was so sick and Easy was out of work for nearly a week with his own illness, I requested that we not spend the weekend at Asha and Sunday's house. Easy resisted, but eventually gave in, so I had a lot of guilty. I know he and Asha don't get a lot of time together, and there was a possiblity that he'd already been exposed to what she had. It helps to know that she probably wasn't feeling up for company anyway, and honestly we can't afford for him to lose any more time from work.

I had more to write about earlier, but as is typical of me, by the time I get time to write I've forgotten what it was.
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