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  #61  
Old 08-26-2013, 02:44 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
Everyone on here appears to be concerned whether the person they're looking to date is okay with their ring or not....would you really want to give the idea to anyone interested in you that you were single?

To me, the question is, what about outside parties? If you're on a date, and you're wearing a ring, and your partner isn't, it looks like you're cheating. Do you care about that? Possibly not, I'm not saying you should either way.

But to me, that should really be the only concern. Anyone you're dating, who has a problem with seeing the ring, probably isn't the best fit, anyway. Like the spouse with the date....his date has the right to know, from the start, that he's married. Why deceive her about it when you don't have to?
I do think about the middle part there, my boyfriend (also married) doesnt wear a ring, and I do, so sometimes i do dislike it that it may look like we are cheating.
As for my spouse with his date, he has no intention of decieving her (shes been on his profile that says hes poly) i just thought maybe he'd be more confortable
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  #62  
Old 08-26-2013, 03:18 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
so all of you are already talking about wedding rings here....my spouse has a date on thursday, his OKC account plainly states we are poly but he wants to broach it with her in person. I suggested maybe he not wear his ring...thoughts?
Taking the ring off does not negate the fact that he is married and poly/dating, so is there a positive benefit of him taking it off? Giving off the appearance of being single, available, or whatever?

I will admit that my thinking is different these days, and I hope that people see my ring and realise I am "off-limits" because I have chosen to be.
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  #63  
Old 08-26-2013, 03:54 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
To me, the question is, what about outside parties? If you're on a date, and you're wearing a ring, and your partner isn't, it looks like you're cheating.

But to me, that should really be the only concern.
You're more worried about what strangers will think than your own spouse, your dates, or yourself? I can't imagine living my life that way.

Gralson can't wear his ring at work (dangerous industry). After a long day, his fingers swell and that prevents the ring from going back on. So he usually leaves it in the bathroom. I suppose when we go out on dates, people might assume I'm having an affair with him because I'm wearing a ring and he's not. If I allowed other people's thoughts to control my behaviour, then worrying about this means I couldn't even go out on dates with my own husband.

What matters is that I know I'm not having an affair. I'm sure strangers think all kinds of things about me. Good for them.

Ironically, my girlfriend does wear her wedding ring when we go out. I suppose this means strangers are more likely to believe I'm married to my girlfriend than my husband. How amusing!
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  #64  
Old 08-26-2013, 04:34 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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My advice would be wear the ring.

Trust me as soon as Murf asked me out on a date we had the I would love to go out with you but there is something you should know conversation.
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  #65  
Old 08-26-2013, 05:04 PM
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Nudge Nudge is offline
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
To me, the question is, what about outside parties? If you're on a date, and you're wearing a ring, and your partner isn't, it looks like you're cheating. Do you care about that? Possibly not, I'm not saying you should either way.
So if married and dating a single person, should you make them wear a ring? I'm being a bit faceteous here, but the concern is a bit overblown, IMO.
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  #66  
Old 08-27-2013, 04:55 AM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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Default don't be ridiculous

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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
You're more worried about what strangers will think than your own spouse, your dates, or yourself? I can't imagine living my life that way.

Gralson can't wear his ring at work (dangerous industry). After a long day, his fingers swell and that prevents the ring from going back on. So he usually leaves it in the bathroom. I suppose when we go out on dates, people might assume I'm having an affair with him because I'm wearing a ring and he's not. If I allowed other people's thoughts to control my behaviour, then worrying about this means I couldn't even go out on dates with my own husband.

What matters is that I know I'm not having an affair. I'm sure strangers think all kinds of things about me. Good for them.

Ironically, my girlfriend does wear her wedding ring when we go out. I suppose this means strangers are more likely to believe I'm married to my girlfriend than my husband. How amusing!
Of course not. I'm saying I would never date someone who needed to see a ring as a reminder that myself or a partner were married. I'm saying my.only concern is what strangers would think, and I doubt I could ever date a married person who wouldn't consider my feelings in this matter.
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  #67  
Old 08-27-2013, 04:59 AM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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Default sigh...maybe read my WHOLE post...I know it's super long

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
You're more worried about what strangers will think than your own spouse, your dates, or yourself? I can't imagine living my life that way.

Gralson can't wear his ring at work (dangerous industry). After a long day, his fingers swell and that prevents the ring from going back on. So he usually leaves it in the bathroom. I suppose when we go out on dates, people might assume I'm having an affair with him because I'm wearing a ring and he's not. If I allowed other people's thoughts to control my behaviour, then worrying about this means I couldn't even go out on dates with my own husband.

What matters is that I know I'm not having an affair. I'm sure strangers think all kinds of things about me. Good for them.

Ironically, my girlfriend does wear her wedding ring when we go out. I suppose this means strangers are more likely to believe I'm married to my girlfriend than my husband. How amusing!
Love.how you cut.off at that particular sentence.of mine, totally missing the.point.
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  #68  
Old 08-27-2013, 05:45 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I think if you USUALLY wear a ring-keep wearing it.
If you USUALLY don't wear a ring-don't wear it.

Going about normal day to day stuff-I don't wear my rings. They get in the way and I am ALWAYS doing things that could result in damaging them (or my grandbabies face WITH the ring) or losing them.

If I plan a date-I don't have babies and I'm unlikely to be doing something risky to losing the rings-they go on.

I just wouldn't consider removing them for SOMEONE ELSE.
As for Maca and GG-they flat refuse to remove theirs PERIOD. Not for showers, not for swimming, not for snorkeling or diving or fishing or ANYTHING. Which is totally ok too.
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  #69  
Old 08-27-2013, 07:54 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
Love.how you cut.off at that particular sentence.of mine, totally missing the.point.
I don't think I'm the one missing the point. You claimed that "everyone on here" is concerned about what their potential dates will think. No one said that they're afraid of being judged by people for wearing a ring or not. What they're afraid of is being completely written off over a silly little thing like being married.

Most single people look at wedding rings as flashing neon signs that announce "I am not available. Do not try to pick me up, it's a waste of time. Failure to comply will result in complete and utter rejection." It doesn't mean these potential dates can't handle a married person or that they are afraid of being seen as part of an affair. It simply means that these potential dates have a limited emotional capacity for rejection, and it's pointless to waste it on people who are likely to be unavailable, e.g. most people who wear wedding rings in Western society.

Some married monogamous people get down right infuriated if they're hit on, emphasizing the ring as being a very clear indication that they're not available. In a culture like that, it's hardly deceptive to take off your ring just to avoid sending out a wrong signal. Besides, in a culture where committed partnerships outside of marriage are so common, a naked finger hardly means you're single. So the only real message you're sending by not wearing a wedding ring is "I am not wearing a wedding ring." Anything else is presumption on behalf of the observer.

btw, I can actually hear your attitude from across the entire internet. I'm not illiterate and I don't need you to speak slowly with emphatic periods so I'll be sure to understand. I need you to speak clearly and emphasize that which you actually believe to be most important. If something is incidental, then don't refer to it using language like "the question" or "only concern."
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  #70  
Old 08-27-2013, 09:27 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post

To me, the question is, what about outside parties? If you're on a date, and you're wearing a ring, and your partner isn't, it looks like you're cheating. Do you care about that? Possibly not, I'm not saying you should either way.
I never got my husband a ring and after almost 18 years of marriage I doubt any outside parties have ever thought I was cheating on my spouse with him. Not all men wear or even get rings. He's thought about getting it tattoo'd and if that's what he does want to do, then he'll do it. Funny I never once thought about it. I really wonder how many people we've come across all these years thought he wasn't my spouse.
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