Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-16-2012, 10:12 AM
Amora's Avatar
Amora Amora is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
Default New and in a confused place

Hi Everyone...call me Amora. I'm from California and I'm 26. I'm separated and soon to be divorced from my husband of 6 years. After my separation a guy named Hector came back into my life who I had been in love with while I was married, but because I was married we decided not to get involved. I'm happy he is in my life again, but before he came back I joined a poetry group based in the country I'll be relocating to soon. In that group I got close to some guys who have become great friends. I always feel like I have better friendships with guys than girls. Well I've gotten very close to three of them, Matthew, Zack and Ferdinand. I have very strong feelings for all three of them. And Hector. I daresay I am in love with Zack and Matthew. Ferdi I just get really happy at the thought of being in a relationship with him, but then I remember that Hector is hopeful about having a relationship with me. I told Matthew that we should just be friends and he has not been fighting me about it. But I still feel very torn.
All of this came to a head today because my friend was asking me if I was seeing Zack, because she's interested in him. I told her we were just friends and I was okay if she approached him, but I really wasn't. Then today Matthew was joking about dating my sister if he couldn't date me, and I went with it and put him in touch with my sister. They both hit it off well and I feel like I am bursting. Honestly I don't know what I was thinking....maybe that if he got close to her then I would be able to let go of him, but that hasn't been the case. Then my other sis was intrigued by Matthew's picture (he's a handsome guy) so I put her in touch with Ferdi! I called myself doing myself a favor but it's like I just put all my guy friends on auction...I dunno if that's a good analogy or not...but I feel really awful. Plus I havent' heard from Hector in a few days because his internet is down. *sigh*
I know the "conventional" way to deal with this is to just find a way to get over the other three guys, but it's just that my feelings are so strong. I admitted to Matthew, I wish I could have more than one boyfriend. He asked me, "Well what are you going to do then?" I told him if I can only choose one guy then I will choose Hector since I loved him first. But still....
I do feel like I am being greedy but I can't really help how I feel. I am just trying to sort out my confusion and maybe I'll find some answers here...thanks for reading.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2012, 01:04 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,172

So why can't you date all three? You're in the middle of a divorce. Why rush into another serious committed relationship? You got married very young and are still quite young (from my perspective). Date different men, see who and what you like. Even if you are ultimately monogamous, there is nothing wrong or unethical about dating multiple people at the same time if you are not ready for a committed relationship just yet. Be upfront about it and have fun!
Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2012, 05:43 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I agree with Opalescent. There's nothing to get all twisted up about. You're getting divorced and don't need any big commitments yet. Enjoy your crushes and date a bunch of people. Have fun!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 06:23 PM.