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Old 01-13-2012, 08:52 PM
fluxcrux fluxcrux is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Red face Hello, here's my story. :)

Hello Everyone,

Fluxcrux from Canada over here. Looking forward to learning more about the community.

My fiance and I were having a waning sex life. Then, last year, while on vacation, she revealed to me that she very bi curious. We starting fantasizing about finding another woman all the time, and even tried picking up women on our next couple of trips. Okay, we might have followed on exceptionally beautiful woman around at a beach until we got the nerve to talk to her. We had the wildest love making ever for several months after that. We have dreamt of that young lady many times.

She seems to only poly/bi when her stress is down.

Then, for weeks up to our wedding date, one year after, she became most more paranoid about me cheating or lusting over other women.

During the wedding week at another resort, she was bringing up the topic of another lady in our bed a few times.

The day after the wedding, I happened to speak to a group of young and beautiful girls. My new wife was quite upset for a couple of days, and our conversation turned into a big fight. She became quite jealous and paranoid.

Now, the idea of Polyamory is completely gone from our relationship. I have always had this desire, but didn't think it was okay until my fiance shared her same desire with me the year before. I want to try out this lifestyle very badly now, but she is afraid it will ruin our marriage.

Any advice?
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Old 01-14-2012, 03:02 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

Hello and welcome!

I'm struggling with timeline/pronouns here.

So, you did have an experience with that woman you followed on the beach, or was it just a fantasy that spiced up things for a while?

And it is your now wife who is only interested in poly/other women when her stress levels are down, whatever that means?

So if this is all only on a fantasy level, there's probably enough of an explanation right there. Something that feels good on a fantasy level might not feel good irl. In fantasies, there are no insecurities, jealousies or fears to deal with.

If your wife is bi-curious, why can't she experiment on her own?

Has she explained in specifics how she fears poly, or open relationship/swinging since I didn't see you mentioning anything beyond sexual variety, will ruin your marriage?
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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Old 01-16-2012, 08:29 PM
fluxcrux fluxcrux is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3
Default Trying to be more clear

Thanks for the response Black Unicorn.

Sorry, I was trying to keep it relatively short, and also not get too much into detail.

We fantasized over the woman at the beach for almost a year. Although we had attempted to turn it into reality a few times, just unable to find a partner.

The wedding date was about one year after her revelation that she was bi-curious, and would love to watch me with another woman too.

Things slowed down a couple of weeks before the wedding, then came to a screeching halt.

Although it was a regular part of our play, we typically only tried to make it reality during low stress times of the year. (Vacation, holidays, etc).

She has not expressed any interest in experimenting without me, as I think she finds it more erotic with both of us involved.

She has not explained very specifically. Only that the concept is bad for marriage. I suppose she fears I would leave her for another woman, or I would be constantly on the lookout for a a new partner (when she is only in the mood to step things up a few times a year).

Looking back at my post, perhaps she was more interested in the Threesome idea than a true Poly relationship....
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:31 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

And sometimes people like a fantasy to stay just that, a fantasy, without ever having it become a reality.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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Old 01-18-2012, 06:26 AM
fluxcrux fluxcrux is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3
Default Fantasy

Thank you for the reply.

That is very much a possibility. Although, I would find it quite disappointing, as our "failed" attempts have been some of my most exciting times in recent years. She initiated the majority of the attempts.

Nonetheless, We don't even indulge in the fantasy anymore.... I'm not sure how to even get that part back....
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