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Old 10-29-2017, 04:47 AM
polymomtx polymomtx is offline
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Default New to Poly and Overflowing with Joy

Hey all...

I'm a 38 yo hetero female who has been in a mono relationship for the last six years. My amazing primary partner (PP) has had a lifelong problem (going back to puberty) with severe ED. He originally suggested the idea of an open relationship around 5 years ago, and I lost it. We nearly broke up, but he ultimately withdrew his request, stating that I was more important to him, and if it upset me that much, the timing was wrong. He suggested, though (I thought he was crazy at the time) that I would one day have a need for more than he was able to provide in our relationship, and that he didn't feel threatened by the thought of my looking outside our couple to find it. I was not to feel guilty over it, merely to talk to him when I felt that way.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago...

A former coworker and friend that I had lost touch with called out of the blue. He had been a good friend of both of ours, and wanted to reconnect over some drinks and games, so he came to our place for an evening of talking and laughing. I was thunderstruck by the attraction I had always tried to overlook in the past, paired with a terrifying feeling that I'd never be able to consider him "just a friend" again. I agonized for days. Finally, after changing the subject whenever PP caught me with faraway eyes, crying whenever I had a moment alone, and generally tearing myself apart, I broke down and told him. Imagine my shock when he said he'd always known of my attraction to (BF). He told me that I shouldn't feel guilt over loving someone... that if I was having these feelings for BF, I should pursue it with his blessing. I was astounded. What kind of love is that? To be so trusting and sure... to want to see me happy, even if it meant someone else held my heart too? At first, I told myself I'd only tell BF about my feelings, and PP's suggestion. He'd probably run screaming, right?

Nope. Not only did he admit that he'd always had feelings for me, but he proceeded to tell me that he had previously been involved in polyamorous relationships. Our first kiss was magical, holding nearly four years of longing. He's in a LDR with a woman who's planning to move next year to be with him. He plans to approach the poly subject with her, but they are open until she moves here, and he and I have decided to give ourselves at least until then. I am prepared to let go of our sexual relationship at that time, if needed, but we are committed to maintaining our friendship at all costs. If I do have to let him go, it will hurt... but I'd rather have him in my life for a season, than to give him up because I'll only have a few months. You know, 'tis better to have loved and lost...

The surprising thing for me has been how much stronger my love is for PP. And, how much I want him to find what I've found with BF... I want this joy for him.

My heart is full to bursting, and I want to shout to the world that I have two men who love me, and that I love them both, and it's WONDERFUL!
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Old 10-29-2017, 01:31 PM
skadhi skadhi is offline
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Im glad your transition is going so smoothly.

Your story is similar to mine, my husband said he also knew I had feelings for SO and that you can't help who you love. I told SO that my love for another person ( he wasn't the first time this happened) spills over to DH, like I can't contain it all and just flows out to all the people I love.

It's a wonderful thing.
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Old 10-29-2017, 04:06 PM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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Awesome story! Thanks for sharing.
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  #4  
Old 10-29-2017, 04:39 PM
sunray sunray is offline
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Aw! I recognize that feeling. Thanks for reminding me.
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Me: (40/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (36/M/cis/het/poly--married 11yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--boyfriend 1.5 years, LDR)
MightyCupcake (35/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, married to Dynamo)

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  #5  
Old 10-29-2017, 06:12 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings polymomtx,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have a great thing going with PP and BF. I think it is good to enjoy what you have right now, to not borrow trouble from tomorrow. Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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  #6  
Old 10-31-2017, 04:15 AM
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Al99 Al99 is online now
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Hi polymomtx - welcome to the forum! I very much enjoyed your story and look forward to hearing more. We have lots of experienced polyfolks here, so feel free to post any questions that you have in the Poly Relations Corner section. It is a very active section and you are sure to get plenty of feedback! Best of luck on your new poly journey! Al
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Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
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Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
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  #7  
Old 11-05-2017, 12:53 AM
Gemma Gemma is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polymomtx View Post
Hey all...

I was astounded. What kind of love is that? To be so trusting and sure... to want to see me happy, even if it meant someone else held my heart too?

The surprising thing for me has been how much stronger my love is for PP. And, how much I want him to find what I've found with BF... I want this joy for him.

My heart is full to bursting, and I want to shout to the world that I have two men who love me, and that I love them both, and it's WONDERFUL!
This 100% for me also! My BF and I just told each other we love each other! Itís a wonderful feeling! I am amazed at how open my DH has been, my love for him has grown and has become so much stronger. My DH and I have been more intimate. Its working and we are all very happy with how things have been going.
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  #8  
Old 11-05-2017, 08:35 PM
Blissa Blissa is offline
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Exactly my feeling! I feel like we've discovered the secret of the universe or something! I just feel a bit sad I can't share with anyone except on here. Good luck with everything.
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  #9  
Old 11-08-2017, 03:33 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polymomtx View Post
....
My heart is full to bursting, and I want to shout to the world that I have two men who love me, and that I love them both, and it's WONDERFUL!
Quote:
Originally Posted by skadhi View Post
Im glad your transition is going so smoothly.

Your story is similar to mine, my husband said he also knew I had feelings for SO and that you can't help who you love. I told SO that my love for another person ( he wasn't the first time this happened) spills over to DH, like I can't contain it all and just flows out to all the people I love.

It's a wonderful thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunray View Post
Aw! I recognize that feeling. Thanks for reminding me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemma View Post
This 100% for me also! My BF and I just told each other we love each other! Itís a wonderful feeling! I am amazed at how open my DH has been, my love for him has grown and has become so much stronger. My DH and I have been more intimate. Its working and we are all very happy with how things have been going.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blissa View Post
Exactly my feeling! I feel like we've discovered the secret of the universe or something! I just feel a bit sad I can't share with anyone except on here. Good luck with everything.
Welcome to the "Luckiest-Girls-Ever-Club"!!!

Jane("FoundingMember")Smythe
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JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost ex-lover-friend, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS; live-in with Katniss
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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