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  #1  
Old 01-21-2010, 03:50 PM
Kraven Kraven is offline
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Wink To be so young

As I read this essay on polyamory posted on freaksexual.com I began to think (and this is just a simple and open question, any answer or thought is a good one)...with the problems we already face as acommunity in terms of like minded and available possible partners...how does being so young (25) effect MY nunbers? I mean just being poly makes it harder to find a date lol but then to be young yet mature! I've always felt a little ahead of the pack so to speak, as I start this thread all my immediate friends are out be mono and though they have issues too...at least they have options lol!

How does this age thing effect me...how bad do I really have it? I've never made a fuss about dating older women...in fact I've relished in the thought at times! How many friends do YOU know that are in this lifestyle for the right reasons and aren't just trying to have their cake and eat it too, using it as an excuse to be premiscuious? Because I don't want to be associated or tied in with those types!

Last edited by Kraven; 01-21-2010 at 03:56 PM. Reason: misspellings
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  #2  
Old 01-21-2010, 04:11 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kraven View Post
As I read this essay on polyamory posted on freaksexual.com ....................

.........How does this age thing effect me...how bad do I really have it? I've never made a fuss about dating older women...in fact I've relished in the thought at times! How many friends do YOU know that are in this lifestyle for the right reasons and aren't just trying to have their cake and eat it too? Because I don't want to be associated or tied in with those types!
Hi Kraven,

Too bad you hadn't posted a link to the article you reference - it might have helped the discussion.

As far as the age thing goes it's hard to say. I think in general there are advantages & disadvantages. I think younger people, by way of the fact that they are still investigating the world around them, are often in a better place to adopt new & better choices. They also often have the energy & bravery.
From living longer however comes wisdom (hopefully) & experience. This plays into the experience because many times "ideals" fall short of solid connections to the reality of what "is" at a particular point in time. The experience plays in when we find we have to adapt in order to move things forward. Knowing the side effects of some of those adaptations in advance helps avoid some nasty pitfalls.

Not sure where you are, but in the U.S. right now there seems to be a bit of a shift in the 35-under group back to conservatism. I think it's driven by all the uncertainty that's present in the world at this time and when people are fearful they, by nature, grasp out at things that are known & predictable - even if not necessarily positive. It's unfortunate because that can bring stagnation - even regression !

I do see an openness and willingness though for older age groups to embrace younger people who appear to have the right qualities but lack only the experience. You will likely fare better in that direction but anything is possible. Like you say - just a bit more difficult. We have a few younger people here on the forum it seems which is very encouraging.

Your reference to any group who "wants to have their cake & eat it too" is likely shooting in a sexual direction and there's no doubt in my mind that for them that's all it's about. Polyamory seems like a quick-fix but it isn't. Polyamory -although offering many benefits - is FAR more work in the long run and for those unwilling to do that work it will be disastrous for all involved. Being a veteran of other social movements and seeing this dynamic in action, I can absolutely not raise this warning loud enough !
Know what's involved, do the work, or DON'T GO THERE.

Good luck

Last edited by GroundedSpirit; 01-21-2010 at 04:20 PM.
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Old 01-21-2010, 04:48 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kraven View Post
How does this age thing effect me...how bad do I really have it? I've never made a fuss about dating older women...in fact I've relished in the thought at times! How many friends do YOU know that are in this lifestyle for the right reasons and aren't just trying to have their cake and eat it too, using it as an excuse to be premiscuious? Because I don't want to be associated or tied in with those types!
I think it partially depends on location. I live in an area (bc) which is very young and tend to be open to anything. My only challenge is that is I am old in a town of 20 somethings haha...WA seems to be on par with bc as well (if okcupid's profiles are anything to say about that)
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Old 01-21-2010, 05:36 PM
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Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
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I love freaksexual.com.

You seem to be talking about finding others who hold similar values as you do. This spans age. Go places and do activities that put you in contact with like-minded folk. That might be a church, a BDSM munch, a political activist event, a food co-op, a bar, a volunteer cause. And the possibilities go on and on. You know what matches you.

You will find individuals who are older than you whose experience does not necessarily lend wisdom. It's sort of the question of would you ask Elizabeth Taylor for marriage advice. Perhaps the answer is yes just so you'd know what NOT to do.

You may also find younger individuals who seem to have more maturity than what society generally credits us with. I tend to think many young people act the way they do because that is what is expected of them and they do not have the fortitude to live otherwise.

Experience alone means nothing. It is the learning and application to life of values learned which matter. And as they say everyone learns at different speeds. Some are slow. Some are fast. You'll see ditzy-ness in 50 year olds and purpose and presence in 21 year olds. Age alone doesn't give an automatic wisdom value. You're 45 and so you get 100 wisdom points. Nope. Doesn't work that way.

If you want to date others who share your values on sexual behavior, you'll need to brainstorm a little where you might find those types of people. And of course being upfront about what you want in a relationship doesn't hurt. Be specific. Tell them what promiscuity means to you and what cheating means to you. Tell them the relationship model you want. That may head off many misunderstandings. Active communication = good.

~Raven~

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I think it partially depends on location. I live in an area (bc) which is very young and tend to be open to anything. My only challenge is that is I am old in a town of 20 somethings haha...WA seems to be on par with bc as well (if okcupid's profiles are anything to say about that)
That does pose a problem. Isolation. The solution for some is to start their own poly groups which connect like-minded polys or polys who have something in common. This could be age, spirituality, a particular cause or a value system, a hobby, etc. But it takes time and effort to embark on something like this and not everyone can do it.

~Raven~
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 01-21-2010 at 08:15 PM. Reason: merge posts
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  #5  
Old 01-21-2010, 07:39 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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It is sooo funny how things sync up at times!
I was just having this conversation with Ouroboros... how I wished that there were younger meetups of poly people that I would feel more at home in. Seems like I am still one of the younger ones on this forum, although I am in my late twenties.

It is true that in some cases the age gap does not matter... and can even be a benefit! But I would REALLY LOVE to meet young, intelligent, mature people interested in alternative relationship forms that I could talk with IN PERSON.

ahhhh. that would be fantastic.

Maybe we should do a forum search just to see who might fit the description?
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Old 01-21-2010, 08:49 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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resirenn, I think that's what the TNG-style groups (the social group here, plus the various external groups set up for that purpose) are set up for, if you want to focus on physically younger physically poly people.

Tend to agree with the idea that you can meet all sorts of maturity levels, independent of age. Getting older sometimes doesn't automatically imply getting any the wiser! I tend to put amount of practical experience over physical age when looking for "how to" information, but as Raven gives in her example, you need to not take everything that someone says as automatic good advice just cos they've done a lot of it.

Reminds me of the quote "Giving up smoking is easy - I've done it hundreds of times!"
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