We're THIS close to giving up on poly altogether.

[AutumnalTone]

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive

For some of teh newer members to this site; don't believe for one second that this is a truly open discussion board; disagree with the wrong person in the wrong way and you're gone. Amazingly, I wasn't banned when my temper flared - but any and all trace of what some others said to me was erased.

No, this isn't a wide open discussion site. We expect posters to discuss in a civilized fashion. Follow the guidelines and all is well; flout them and expect consequences.

[HappiestManAlive]

NYC - thank you for not getting overly upset by my post, in re-reading it there was plenty of room for it. For instance, I wasn't calling you an ass, I was playing up a favorite issue with the word (Assume makes an ass out of u and me). It certainly could have been read that way though.

Regarding me being wrong vis a vis your profession/knowledge of dancers - eh... Okay, you've been one or know the industry somehow? Honestly I have a hard time believing this based on some of your past statements. Then again - I certainly said myself that it varies a lot by many factors, so...

Some of those quotes were taken way out of context, and many of them are part of edited threads and the context no longer exists. Just keep that in mind.

BlackUnicorn - see above. Though you actually stumbled on something that goes to the point raised; that was posted during the aforementioned fiasco in which many members here sided with her and frankly threw me out to pasture - despite her making comments like that!

Derby - thanks.

Autumnal - you left out that merely disagreeing with the wrong person, or posting an unpopular POV when the wrong people takes notice, and many, many other things can get you "consequences" as well. Also, you should point out that many members are essentially immune to said consequences no matter how far over any line they step - because..? Well, we don't really know, now do we?

It's no secret that I'm open about the blatant favoritism and hypocrisy among members, mods, admins, whatever here. It's sad and frankly way out of line with what this site is supposed to be about. Being one who has - on more than one occasion - come here for the support this community is supposed to be all about and which I have always tried to offer and been shit on for it, often in ways which really should have resulted in "consequences" for others and did NOT, my points are not always appreciated.

In any event, people will think, say, and believe what they will, and so be it. I logged in for once instead of lurking to vent about something, in no small part due to the fact that the relationship that everyone said to focus on, with the 3rd we followed all the rules with, went the same way as the others. Of course it's not "poly's" fault - any more than mono failures are "marriages" fault. But people here like to wax very "you're doing it wrong" sometimes, and I'm tired of seeing things fall apart regardless of the approach.

Bleh - I'm rambling now. [/post]

[redpepper]

Our poly life seems to be working out... we took the time we needed to figure out all the little kinks and work out the creases too. Moving too fast into poly dynamics doesn't seem to work.

I'm sorry that things have ended badly for you. Maybe your ex didn't feel like she could be herself any more or was feeling uncomfortable and too vulnerable to open up and talk about her needs. Maybe the environment became toxic for her and she was just looking for a way out so made some poor choices in her journey to get out of your house. Maybe she was really hurting and didn't feel safe to express that or be cared for with the two of you. It sounded like she was done long before she cheated and didn't know how to get out of the situation she was in. Maybe she was traumatized by the ending of your other relationship and was immobilized by that and didn't tell you because it was the two of you that caused that trauma.

What do you gain from bashing the mods here for shit that is now ancient history? I don't get it? Not all the mods that were around back then are even here any more. Have you been keeping up here? Do you read anything but your own threads? Have you given back to this forum as others have in any positive way? I don't get why you keep coming here... your remarks are completely bizarre to me.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive

It's no secret that I'm open about the blatant favoritism and hypocrisy among members, mods, admins, whatever here. It's sad and frankly way out of line with what this site is supposed to be about. Being one who has - on more than one occasion - come here for the support this community is supposed to be all about and which I have always tried to offer and been shit on for it, often in ways which really should have resulted in "consequences" for others and did NOT, my points are not always appreciated. [/post]

You are still here aren't you? Besides, what do you know of what goes on behind the scenes? You seem to of made a decision about what goes on here. Have you thought of what you have contributed here? I haven't seen much positive feed back. I have noticed that your presence here usually ends in letting everyone know just how you have been wronged. Is that really productive in some way? It keeps your threads from being supportive to you no? You realize that you bring that on yourself right? This forum is built on volunteers giving their time and energy to support people. You have been here long enough that I think its time to give back don't you? You are part of the community too no? I'd like to see some of your hard earned wisdom used to help others rather than directing them out of here based on a moment in history.

[HappiestManAlive]

We've come to similar conclusions re her wanting out, etc - what we don't get is the literally dozens of times we've tried to ask her just that, very directly. The dozens of times we've offered MANY things, many kinds of support, many options, and stated that we'll love her and work with her regardless if only she would tell us what she needed or even wanted! Whatever - under the damn bridge now.

I"m especially bitter because I've stayed in touch with Adrianne, seen the pain all this caused her, seen the crap relationship she got herself stuck in as a result (JUST got out of literally days ago). I have always missed her, but this just really rubbed that particular topic in my face rahter brutally - and it's WAY too late to ever hope Adrianne & I could even reconnect, even WITH Violet's blessing. I fell like I trashed all that for somebody who pissed on it in return.

I'm friends with many members here elsewhere as well. FB, Fet, and more. I lurk often, I read, I pay attention. I very seldom bother to post anymore. So much on this site is more of the same. Same relationship drama with different names, same "poly" and "mono" questions and variations of those questions with different stories leading to the same damned point. It hardly seems worth posting anymore except for the personal support for any who need it - which is where it gets touchy.

What am I going to say support-wise that isn't said over and over? Or why would I show support to someone whom others here clearly DON'T support and risk the wrath of THEY - and it DOES happen. My posts often enflame topics, though it's seldom or never intended too, so why bother?

I try to contribute. I contributed a lot in the past. Almost always positive. Didn't count for muc when the chips were down, did it? You were there.

And when some I know from here get "consequenced" and/or banned for... Well, for less than I see other members do REGULARLY..? It can't very well be denied that this has happened, and more than once.

All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.

I know how forums work and are run. I am a member on MANY, a mod on several, and even OWNED a few.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive

I know how forums work and are run. I am a member on MANY, a mod on several, and even OWNED a few.

Well then, I guess I don't have to tell you how the story goes behind the scenes when people raise hell on a forum. Especially one that has just started out with mods that are new and newbies to moderation. I think we at this forum are beyond that now.

[SourGirl]

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive

Autumnal - you left out that merely disagreeing with the wrong person, or posting an unpopular POV when the wrong people takes notice, and many, many other things can get you "consequences" as well. Also, you should point out that many members are essentially immune to said consequences no matter how far over any line they step - because..? Well, we don't really know, now do we?

It's no secret that I'm open about the blatant favoritism and hypocrisy among members, mods, admins, whatever here. It's sad and frankly way out of line with what this site is supposed to be about. Being one who has - on more than one occasion - come here for the support this community is supposed to be all about and which I have always tried to offer and been shit on for it, often in ways which really should have resulted in "consequences" for others and did NOT, my points are not always appreciated.

But people here like to wax very "you're doing it wrong" sometimes, and I'm tired of seeing things fall apart regardless of the approach.

[/post]

I`ll call that a crock-o-shit right there. Sounds like you are feeling sorry for yourself. Or, looking for a easy explanation, while you lick your wounds.

I`m not freaking popular around here AT ALL. I`m not all chummy behind the scenes with the mods. I`ve disagreed with the mods more then a few times. I say blunt things, I don`t agree with half of what I hear, nor am I all poly, with my pom-poms out. I question things, and can be quite pessimistic on this site.

Yet, I have never been 'censored' for merely having a different opinion. I`ve not had posts removed wrongly, or seen posts removed wrongly. Do they defend poly at all costs ? Yeah, sure. Duh. You are on a poly-specific forum, that`s going to happen. People disagree with me, and say so, and that's about it. So what`s the conspiracy theory now ? They use me as an example to look good ? Doubtful, mods are here, but this board isn`t their 'life and passion' that I`ve ever noticed.

Then again, I don`t sit here blabbing about how the world has wronged me, and refusing to take any responsibility. Then, when someone calls me on it, I don`t then try and ad-lib with : ' Well I haven`t told you all the facts, and there are things you didn`t know.'
Want to know a GOOD way to have people question your judgement, and ability to communicate the truth ? It is not by dating strippers, or living with 3 young women. It`s by pulling that kind of shit where you tell lop-sided stories, accuse the other parties involved, (who aren`t here to defend themselves.) thereby putting the audience that reads the story, in a position of being the devil`s advocate.
Then, blaming the audience for their interpretation, and adding bits and pieces of information, trying to prove them wrong.
Its that kind of b.s. that has you losing respect.
If you want the type of quiet support that only agrees with you, buy a dog.

Otherwise, learn to understand, that by responding to you with ideas, thoughts, and suggestions, people are taking the time because they do want to help you see things.They are trying to help you figure out where it went wrong.

See things,..not from your own point of view, but from how it looks on the outside. How it looks to others. You could be having all these problems, merely from the fact that outside influence changes how these women feel.

Also,..have you forgotten the common denominator rule ? If everyone keeps leaving you, and everyone does it in a sneaky/underhanded/bitchy fashion, then you are the common denominator. Don`t ask this forum, to play dumb, and overlook that with their responses.

I don`t expect you to enjoy my post, or think on it. I have a good feeling, you have been who you are for a long time, and it isn`t about to change. This post is for any future readers, who might be willing to learn.

[AutumnalTone]

Originally Posted by SourGirl

Yet, I have never been 'censored' for merely having a different opinion. I`ve not had posts removed wrongly, or seen posts removed wrongly. Do they defend poly at all costs ? Yeah, sure. Duh. You are on a poly-specific forum, that`s going to happen. People disagree with me, and say so, and that's about it. So what`s the conspiracy theory now ? They use me as an example to look good ? Doubtful, mods are here, but this board isn`t their 'life and passion' that I`ve ever noticed.

Disagreement is fine. Speaking directly to an issue is fine. Nobody is required to be warm and fuzzy; as long as comments are directed properly to statements and behaviors and don't appear to be made just to troll, we're fine with them.

[HappiestManAlive]

Originally Posted by SourGirl

I`ll call that a crock-o-shit right there. Sounds like you are feeling sorry for yourself. Or, looking for a easy explanation, while you lick your wounds.

I`m not freaking popular around here AT ALL. I`m not all chummy behind the scenes with the mods. I`ve disagreed with the mods more then a few times. I say blunt things, I don`t agree with half of what I hear, nor am I all poly, with my pom-poms out. I question things, and can be quite pessimistic on this site.

Yet, I have never been 'censored' for merely having a different opinion. I`ve not had posts removed wrongly, or seen posts removed wrongly. Do they defend poly at all costs ? Yeah, sure. Duh. You are on a poly-specific forum, that`s going to happen. People disagree with me, and say so, and that's about it. So what`s the conspiracy theory now ? They use me as an example to look good ? Doubtful, mods are here, but this board isn`t their 'life and passion' that I`ve ever noticed.

Then again, I don`t sit here blabbing about how the world has wronged me, and refusing to take any responsibility. Then, when someone calls me on it, I don`t then try and ad-lib with : ' Well I haven`t told you all the facts, and there are things you didn`t know.'
Want to know a GOOD way to have people question your judgement, and ability to communicate the truth ? It is not by dating strippers, or living with 3 young women. It`s by pulling that kind of shit where you tell lop-sided stories, accuse the other parties involved, (who aren`t here to defend themselves.) thereby putting the audience that reads the story, in a position of being the devil`s advocate.
Then, blaming the audience for their interpretation, and adding bits and pieces of information, trying to prove them wrong.
Its that kind of b.s. that has you losing respect.
If you want the type of quiet support that only agrees with you, buy a dog.

Otherwise, learn to understand, that by responding to you with ideas, thoughts, and suggestions, people are taking the time because they do want to help you see things.They are trying to help you figure out where it went wrong.

See things,..not from your own point of view, but from how it looks on the outside. How it looks to others. You could be having all these problems, merely from the fact that outside influence changes how these women feel.

Also,..have you forgotten the common denominator rule ? If everyone keeps leaving you, and everyone does it in a sneaky/underhanded/bitchy fashion, then you are the common denominator. Don`t ask this forum, to play dumb, and overlook that with their responses.

I don`t expect you to enjoy my post, or think on it. I have a good feeling, you have been who you are for a long time, and it isn`t about to change. This post is for any future readers, who might be willing to learn.

L'dMAO at damn near all of this; 'nuf said.

I will comment on the last bit though. I have been who I am for a relatively short period of time. I spent a LOT of time becoming who I am, and paying attention to being the kind of person I want to be. For you to ASS U ME that you know ANYTHING AT ALL about me from a few posts here spanning a very narrow subject and barely skimming the surface of said subject much less... Well, ANYTHING, really... Is... Well, too damned funny to actually even be offensive, LOL.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive

Some of those quotes were taken way out of context, and many of them are part of edited threads and the context no longer exists. Just keep that in mind.

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive

For you to ASS U ME that you know ANYTHING AT ALL about me from a few posts here spanning a very narrow subject and barely skimming the surface of said subject much less... Well, ANYTHING, really... Is... Well, too damned funny to actually even be offensive, LOL.

Oh geez, this is so tiresome. Do you think you're the only enlightened one here who knows that a few messages on a forum do not detail or describe the entirety of a person's life? Anyone here is only responding to what anyone else here posts. We can read attitudes and a certain "flavor" in posts over time but I don't think anyone here is too dumb to realize that information shared is in context to other things in a person's life and that we are only getting a sliver. Fuck, who's on his high horse now? I am officially bored.