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Old 01-16-2010, 08:24 PM
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Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 297

Hi Kraven. As Yoda Girl says, trust yourself you must.

With my love, my experience was this: Years ago, without a clue about the varied and expansive nature of polyamory (and the poly community) or even what polyamory was beyond rumors of a "slutty" senior in charge of the women's group on campus, I told him what I felt and what I wanted in relationships. I was scared. It was the very beginning of our relationship. Things were said that scared me further. I might lose him I thought.

But I was honest with him and with myself. I didn't hide myself. And our relationship is better for it. From the start. We know each other and we continue to learn about each other in an open way. There are no surprises in that way.

Will you be able to form the relationships which bring fulfillment if you hide what you need? Would you want to be with others who do not accept all of you?

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
If possible, you should have an affair with someone already in a relationship without the knowledge of the other partner. That way, you will not only be providing a "valuable public service" to two people for the price of one, but you will also be "helping" someone else's relationship to "move forward into poly". As long as everyone's "needs are met", it is ok to be deceptive and lie by omission.

Good Luck.
Oh my god.... I almost spilled my juice as I read that.

Are you a polyamorist or non-monogamous individual between the ages 18-35? Are you located in New York State or the Northeast?
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~Open up your mind and let me step inside.
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. It's so easy.
When you know the rules.
It's so easy. All you have to do is fall in love.
Play the game.
Everybody play the game of love. Yeah...~
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Old 01-16-2010, 08:44 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,217

Originally Posted by River View Post
What's that?

Originally Posted by Ravenesque View Post
Oh my god.... I almost spilled my juice as I read that.

Therapists get paid big $ for advice like that and here I am giving it away for free.
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Old 01-16-2010, 10:03 PM
constlady constlady is offline
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 63

Originally Posted by River View Post
What's that?
Been There, Done That - sorry, I tend to use a bit of shorthand from another board I've been on for years. We know each other quite well now and use many acronyms that could confuse others. Sometimes I forget to expand when I post elsewhere

Also, while my answer was a bit off the cuff, I should also say that I would not base a decision on whether or not to engage in a relationship on the other person's identification as monogamous.

My experiences have led me to believe it is an easier path if we share the same lovestyle but connections happen where they will and I'm well aware of that.
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