Wife's bf's wife has a cuckquean and SM setup. Dysfunctional or am I being a dumbass?

[MrsPOd]

Hello.

My husband is taking a break to sort his life out so I'll try to update for him.

We're going to look into this. I disagreed with him at first but I have come to notice that my gf doesn't seem entirely happy with the way that our bf treats her. Her communication skills have never been her strongest suit and that has lead to friction in the past. She only started opening up to me in January of last year.

I worry about her.

Thanks for your time.

[HappiestManAlive]

AnnabelMore - I missed your earlier response.

We've been BDSM for almost 3 years, 24/7 for over a year and the time in between was very carefully making those agreements and finding each others limits. I'm familiar with the process, lol.

Violet's preferences - nevermind limits - are quite extreme by most people's standards even in teh community. For a guy raised in a very progressive household, baby steps are best, believe me. The levels of submission and control she'd prefer make me worry sometimes. The subject of this thread made it relevant; I assure you that should the OP witness our interactions as she states she'd prefer them, he'd have more than one example for his thread, LOL!

[Sonic]

Yes; but concerning the topic of this thread I would strongly urge that all people engaging in BDSM relationships (especially 24/7) would consider other people as well.

In my book, BDSM is all about consent and OP of this thread has not consented to seeing that kind of stuff - it makes him uncomfortable. So in my book, then, it is not okay.

I've been living in D/s relationships (crappy or functional) for over 5 years of my life so I think I know something, at least a little bit, about them.

[MrsPOd]

I feel that I should point out a number of other details that my husband didn't.

My bf's marriage is not overly-strong. It isn't comparable to our own marriage but it really is on its death throes and has been for a few years now.

I was the one that initially suggested that my bf's marriage was abusive to my husband. It snowballed from there.

Bf does occasionally go against the boundaries that he and his wife have set up. As my gf and I were not that close until recently, I wasn't aware of this.

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by MrsPOd

My bf's marriage is not overly-strong. It isn't comparable to our own marriage but it really is on its death throes and has been for a few years now.

I was the one that initially suggested that my bf's marriage was abusive to my husband. It snowballed from there.

Bf does occasionally go against the boundaries that he and his wife have set up.

This doesn't throw up red flags for you? As I see it, Kinda has reason to be concerned.

[AnnabelMore]

Originally Posted by MrsPOd

I was the one that initially suggested that my bf's marriage was abusive to my husband. It snowballed from there.

Bf does occasionally go against the boundaries that he and his wife have set up. As my gf and I were not that close until recently, I wasn't aware of this.

Are you comfortable being with someone who you think may be abusing his other partner? Does it change things for you and him now that you know he's ben crossing her boundaries?

Personally, I can't imagine feeling safe in your position, to be frank. If he'll do it to her, what will stop him from doing it to you some day? And what does it say about his integrity? Boundaries are there for a reason, especially in D/s and an ethical person doesn't just disregard them, they're not optional.

[nycindie]

MrsPOd, this may simply be the result of reading your input on a message board instead of hearing you say things in person, but you seem rather unemotional and almost apathetic in your responses to your husband's threads. I find it rather alarming that you can so easily state that you thought your bf might be abusive to his wife/your girlfriend, and that your husband's concerns "snowballed from there," as if that was no big deal. It sounds like you've given up somewhat. Is there a possibility you could be depressed?

[Vinccenzo]

I'm having a hard time understanding the issues at hand as well. I figured there is a lot of inside baseball communication between Mrs and Mr Pod. Perhaps they can type little while still saying a lot to each other but we can't for lack of familiarity?

I get that what the title states; Mr Pod is disturbed by a perceived mistreatment of his wife's metamour, the BF's wife.

Here is where I get confused. Mr Pod sees the BF's wife being humiliated by her own husband via a better? favored? treatment towards Mrs Pod? That he says wrong things to his wife and Mrs Pod or just the Bf's wife? If he says these things to them both, does Mr Pod only perceive the Bf's wife of being mistreated because she witnesses the intimacies of Mrs Pod and her BF? He has seen bruises on Mrs. Pod's metamour? I can't figure out the full extent of what is going on, who it is happening to or if the same things are happening to both women by this one guy and whether or not Mr Pod is bothered by the treatment of both women or just one (not his own wife).

What are these boundaries the guy keeps treading on?
Can we get some examples?

[ViableAlternative]

Originally Posted by Vinccenzo

He has seen bruises on Mrs. Pod's metamour?

Not all abuse leaves bruises. I believe KPO'd spoke of emotional/verbal abuses witnessed publicly. I agree that specific examples might be more informative, but words, manipulations, and mind games don't leave physical traces. The damages left behind are way more than just a skin-deep bruise. Even some physical abuses don't leave physical evidence. The commonality is that ALL abuse sucks.

On the other hand, not all bruises are marks of abuse! If we look at bruises as evidence of abuse, then we'd overlook all the non-bruising abuse, and conflate consentual S&M practitioners with abusers.

[Vinccenzo]

Originally Posted by ViableAlternative

Not all abuse leaves bruises. I believe KPO'd spoke of emotional/verbal abuses witnessed publicly. I agree that specific examples might be more informative, but words, manipulations, and mind games don't leave physical traces. The damages left behind are way more than just a skin-deep bruise. Even some physical abuses don't leave physical evidence. The commonality is that ALL abuse sucks.

On the other hand, not all bruises are marks of abuse! If we look at bruises as evidence of abuse, then we'd overlook all the non-bruising abuse, and conflate consentual S&M practitioners with abusers.

I get that. What was making it confusing to me is if it is verbal and/or emotional only and Mr Pod also treats his own GF as primary to his wife, whom he sees as secondary - what is the element troubling him in regards to what he sees happening with his wife's BF's marriage? I was trying to figure out if it is just that she witnesses her husband having sex with his other partner, Mrs Pod, making everything else seem worse? Mrs Pod isn't being treated the same by him emotionally because she doesn't watch him with his GF. I can't guess.