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  #1  
Old 01-07-2012, 10:03 PM
torn torn is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Unhappy Intercontinental love

Hi everyone

So I came across the forum because I am hopelessly in love with two women. The first is my girlfriend of 10 years, who I have been with since we were teenagers. I have never really questioned the relationship, but I must admit I feel somewhat distant from her lately as we currently live in different countries - a few months left.

I met a girl here who is a relative of people I know. I am not a habitual cheater, but within 2 days of meeting her we couldn't keep our hands off each other. No drunken 'mistakes' or anything, it was passionate, but also incredibly natural like we have been doing it forever. I do feel guilty, but I wouldn't be doing this if I hadn't found something very special.

She is beautiful, and every day I find out some new thing about her that is so perfect I couldn't have made it up. We have a lot of common interests that my girlfriend doesn't really share. Also she makes me feel intensely loved. The sex is amazing, and I feel the instinct to make love to her not just to f**k. Though that is good too. Even though she is much more experienced than me, she is really blown away by the sex and I think I appreciate that somewhere very deep down.

When I told her I loved her a week ago I knew what she would say. I never knew people could fall in love so quickly. I feel very bad that I have let someone fall in love with me when I am committed to someone else, I know it hurts her.

She doesn't live here either and is going off to her country in a week. She was going to leave a few days ago but changed her flights at the last minute, so we already said goodbye once. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I cried the following day without being able to stop.

Continuing any sort of relationship with this girl would be very hard and involve moving continents and quitting my (so so) job. But I am considering it. It would also include leaving my gf, and I am considering that too. Having an open poly relationship with them both would be doubly hard because it would mean abandonmnent for long periods of time for both of them.

She is talking about not staying in contact with me, because it will be too hard. If that happens I think I will die, but I understand.
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  #2  
Old 01-07-2012, 11:12 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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Oh, problem. "I think I would die." You're infatuated. Try to not make long-term decisions based on this. No one should have that much power.
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  #3  
Old 01-08-2012, 12:15 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi there. Does your girlfriend know about this fling you just had?
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #4  
Old 01-08-2012, 01:41 PM
torn torn is offline
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you guys are really sweet, thanks
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  #5  
Old 01-08-2012, 10:47 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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You threw out an untenable situation, which you dived into voluntarily. No matter what you do now, someone will be mightily hurt (you included), by distance, by dishonesty, by poor decision-making... call it what you will. My concern for you is that you're not dealing honestly with the people you love, and in the end, if you don't stop that, the one who will be hurting the most is you.

"Sweet," by the way, is a poor substitute for genuine concern. I'd rather be confronted with an uncomfortable reality than stuck in sap.
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  #6  
Old 01-09-2012, 01:20 AM
writelit writelit is offline
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Default Honesty

Torn: honesty is the best solution for all. No matter what type of relationship two or more are involved in, trust is the number factor cementing the relationship. Talk and above all-listen. Each member do have considerations that need to be expressed and understood.
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