Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #321  
Old 03-04-2010, 06:46 AM
rolypoly's Avatar
rolypoly rolypoly is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I hope that came out right....I meant that you are an easy person to welcome. We had a wonderful time chatting with you Roly Poly
LOL! Yes, it came out that way. I actually wrote you a response and then deleted it thinking, "wait, did he mean that I didn't come across as shy or that people didn't come across as unwelcoming, or?".
__________________
My heart is too big to fit into one person.
Reply With Quote
  #322  
Old 03-04-2010, 06:51 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
LOL! Yes, it came out that way. ".
Whew!! That's a relief
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #323  
Old 03-08-2010, 04:54 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default A big night!

Redpepper and my ex-wife (legally seperated to be more accurate) are going to meet for the first time tonight. My ex e-mailed me to ask if there was anything I wanted from the house before she sells it. I had a lot of tools and books etc that I left behind. There was no requirement for her to contact me so I am quite grateful. This has also turned into a great opportunity for Redpepper to meet some one who was the focus of my life for almost 16 good years. We were married in 1991.

My biggest fear around this is that meeting Redpepper will add just a little more salt to my ex's wounds. I would do almost anything to avoid that. Her response to my request to bring Redpepper to meet her was very light and she used her name which carries a lot of weight for me. I don't sense any animosity in her response and I am sure she knows the full dynamic of our relationship through a friend and facebook (great divulger of information that it is!)

There is a slight glimmer of hope that in some way this might open up a bit more dialogue between my ex wife and daughter but who knows what the outcome will be.
I hold a huge amount of guilt and shame over not being able to communicate before losing connection with my ex. As any one who has read my stuff would know, connection is paramount in my relationships. Add in to that the importance of marraige vows and my sense of failure is complete with respect to her.

Where's the success and happiness in this post? The above mentioned glimmer of hope and Redpepper getting to do something she has been wanting for a long time. I don't know how much chatting will happen between the two of them but anything is good.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 03-08-2010 at 04:59 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #324  
Old 03-08-2010, 06:01 PM
rolypoly's Avatar
rolypoly rolypoly is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350
Default

That's great Mono! I'm sorry you feel a sense of failure and I think it's courageous of all of you to meet together. Do your ex-wife and daughter not speak much? Or do they not speak much to you?
__________________
My heart is too big to fit into one person.
Reply With Quote
  #325  
Old 03-08-2010, 09:33 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,401
Default

Mono-fingers crossed that it goes smoothly and opens the door to a more peaceful, forgiving future for all of you.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #326  
Old 03-08-2010, 10:08 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Thanks LR I answered RolyPoly in a private message just so no one thinks I dodged the question
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #327  
Old 03-09-2010, 03:02 AM
rolypoly's Avatar
rolypoly rolypoly is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350
Default

Haha! Mono, you're very courteous and never ignore me.

Good luck tonight!!
__________________
My heart is too big to fit into one person.
Reply With Quote
  #328  
Old 03-09-2010, 07:59 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

We had a good moment last night. I took the night away from the family to be at Mono's side as we went to his old house after 18 or more months. His ex was there and hadn't seen Mono in about a year. I had never met her. It was a difficult but necessary moment in the direction of a better future for all of us.

I understand a bit more now what my role is in his life and just how important that is to him. He says he loves me more, and last night I could see why he would think that.... what he doesn't know is that I love him more for allowing me to see him at his most vulnerable and hurt. Such a precious and pure gift.

We went home quietly after loading up the truck. We were quiet all night and then had a long talk with much emotion and passion. It was all good and brought us closer than ever.... if that is possible.

Today is a quiet day of contemplation. There is lots of work to be done, but I now feel a part of that work and what my role is in it. Mono's ex reached out to me last night in the only way she knew how, by allowing me to come to her house. I deeply respect her for that. It couldn't of been easy for her.

Sounds all sad, but I have never been happier in that. I had a need to see her and feel who she is by being near her. I got that experience and am very grateful for the information it has given me. It's made me stronger and has made me love Mono more than I could ever express...
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #329  
Old 03-09-2010, 09:11 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

Sounds like it was one of those "key moments" for you - I'm glad that you could be there with him. Hopefully it achieves some closure of past pain and allows the future to be built better.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
  #330  
Old 03-10-2010, 12:37 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,401
Default

RP,

I'm glad it went smoothly.

I hope it's a beginning for all of you-her and their daughter too.

It would be so wonderful for ALL of the heartbroken people from that family to have healing and be able to move on and build happy lives going forward.




XO to you and Mono both!!
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
family, happiness, happy, hope, living situation, living together, love, moving in, open poly relationships, poly fi, success, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:30 PM.