Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #281  
Old 01-19-2010, 07:34 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Tonight Redpepper had a movie date night at her place with a friend and Polynedist's original plans got screwed up so, to my benefit, he and I went for a beer and chat at the pub by my place. We chatted about everything from finances to how he and RP met. We covered the immense changes that occurred in 2009 and what we would like to see in 2010. We both felt that 2009 was pouring the foundation of this relationship and 2010 will be about letting it cure so we can start on the first floor.

I'm not a person who makes friends of any depth easily and Polynerdist is among the people I trust most in this world. It was great to share ideas with each other and there is no doubt in my mind that Redpepper has captured the devotion of two very lucky men. It is as natural to be with him as it is to be with Redpepper.

Definitely the right combination for success in my opinion

Peace and Love
Mono
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #282  
Old 01-19-2010, 11:33 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,284
Default

Mono-that is awesome.
I'm glad to hear it.
I told the guys I hope that 2010 is our "foundation making" year.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #283  
Old 01-22-2010, 05:15 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

I think we started a new weekly tradition last night. I went over to watch Redpepper's son while she and Polynerdist went to the gym to work out. They do their own thing and finish at different times so, after Polynerdist came home, I picked Redpepper up from the pool and we went for a late night tea. We discuss the forums, our community and what is going on for each of us. We just hang out...a pair of best friends amongst a set of three...we get to have more than one best friend..how un-mono of me.

We spent a good deal of time discussing how to proceed with finding a safe and healthy way for her to take on a non-sexual submissive male. We discussed controls and protocols to achieve this in a fulfilling manner for us and the potential sub. It was freeing for me and of course we will all sit down as a family and discuss it further to make sure that everyone is happy and safe in this.

Earlier in the day I wrote Redpepper a pretty complete e-mail detailing my deepest concerns; the impact of my life within theirs and questions about the sustainability of a relationship with such different people in some ways. It was not all happy but there was success in the opportunity to communicate so completely. We met for a brief period during lunch and again after work for an hour or so.
During these times we lay it all out in a way. It is these times that we almost give each other a graceful "out" and a reminder that what we have will always exist in one form or another. The result is always the same; this "check in" is nothing new but it is approached with much more certainty and confidence now.

**There is never any doubt in my mind or heart that Redpepper will always love me and desire me no matter what influences come into her life.
The only thing that I believe can change the nature of our dynamic is the result of my own connection towards her being influenced. Redpepper and Polynerdist understand this I think as I have taken the time to explain it to them visually. I can actual draw this.

Jump back a bit LOL!

Last Tuesday before Redpepper and I left for our weekly sleep over at my place (yippee for me!!) I wanted to have a "family meeting". It was actually just Polynerdist, Redpepper and me. I was concerned that Polynerdist was not feeling welcome at BDSM events that we have been attending. I explained to him that his presence in all social atmospheres makes me more comfortable and validates my involvement with Redeppper. I prefer it when we are all together at these times. I enjoy his company and am proud of how close a friendship we have. This is the first time I think I have actively asked for a group time where I can voice my concerns and I think this will be a basic requirement as we move towards an arrangement of even more integration.

Jump back to yesterday!

Last night I slept without concern or perceveration. I felt something I haven't in a long time; a sense of total calm and peace in the moment.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 01-22-2010 at 05:47 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #284  
Old 01-22-2010, 05:36 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Jump back to yesterday!

Last night I slept without concern or perceveration. I felt something I haven't in a long time; a sense of total calm and peace in the moment.
How truly wonderful - so glad you have a dynamic that allows you to communicate and get yourself to a peace of mind.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
  #285  
Old 02-01-2010, 03:54 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default Busy busy!

Lately our lives have become a little hectic. Redpepper has always been quite a presence in our community through the example she sets and that is showing signs of blossoming! She has begun co-developing workshops about sexuality and sexual safety and is gearing up for another poly woman's meet which she conceptualized and started in January. She recently organized a poly get-together at a local pool hall which turned out to be a great success.

The atmosphere she is generating is one of social ease and comfortability. This has proven to be particularly effective in welcoming new and curious people who need gentleness and a relaxed entry into the community. Our community of friends is becoming strong and natural. It is starting to give me a sense of something I used to feel a long time ago; just relaxed fun...and if it works for me there is hope for anyone!!

Of course, her becoming busy did spark some issues for me...big surprise right?
I took some time to figure out what was happening for me and realized I had seen the same type of situation develop in my past relationships. Usually the person I was with would embrace something with passion and I allowed myself to be left behind somewhat. I valued what they were building for themselves more than what I thought they valued me. I therefore did not communicate and simply let our paths diverge.

Redpepper and I had a long talk about this because, although the direction her passions take her do threaten me in some ways, it is the bigger issue of possible divergent paths that was causing me to pull back and to accept the inevitable fate of my previous relationships. I actually drew the idea out because imagery is a very effective way for me to convey ideas to her.



But we are different. Our communication is extreme although sometimes forced. She wants me as part of this path and I am embracing the supporting role she has asked for. She wants all three of us to own the future. She doesn't want anyone falling behind and dropping off the path.

We are not a family that lives separate lives. We accept the responsibility of our own emotions and the responsibility of each others' as well. This is why we move forward.

Excitement and forward momentum!!

Peace and Love
Mono
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 02-02-2010 at 07:18 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #286  
Old 02-02-2010, 06:18 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Had a crazy weekend of none stop processing. First with Mono, which he spoke about already (in a crazy chart!!! Wow, that is awesome love!) and then with Nerdist about our future and how we don't see eye to eye. At least we thought... turns out we are on the same page. The whole process brought up some old communication cycles we get in and we decided to change them and really examine if they are working for us any more. They weren't so we made some plans to see if next time we don't fall into the same traps and cycles. Interesting that I am making new paths with both men in the spirit of good communication, connection and so we can walk hand in hand into the future. Everything seeps into every corner of our relationships together it seems. All in the name of progress.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #287  
Old 02-02-2010, 12:14 PM
Seasnail's Avatar
Seasnail Seasnail is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 77
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
This is awesome... and very helpful in describing things!
Reply With Quote
  #288  
Old 02-02-2010, 12:59 PM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London
Posts: 35
Default

I agree that chart is just amazing, thanks for keeping us all updated. Its really important about the communication. The more I learn about poly and read here the more I know that communication is the key and with out it, there is no moving forward at all.
Reply With Quote
  #289  
Old 02-04-2010, 05:25 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Thanks Starlight and Seasnail....I'm pretty sure I could draw just about every process that runs through my strange little mind LOL! Definitely helps me too.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #290  
Old 02-04-2010, 05:29 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default Parents opening up

My sister called me and told me that my mother opened up to one of her brothers about my "new" relationship (after a year LOL). I wonder where this will go with my parents. They live across the country so it's not as if meeting my chosen family is easy. If they were closer I am sure they would embrace them. That in itself fills me with warmth I would love to share a family supper with them sometime.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 02-04-2010 at 09:15 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
family, happiness, happy, hope, living situation, living together, love, moving in, open poly relationships, poly fi, success, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:41 PM.