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  #151  
Old 10-14-2009, 01:50 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Hooray! Mono, that is good news indeed! I hope it will encourage Red's mom to see the problem doesn't lie with you, or y'all, but with her.

Score one for the white hats!
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  #152  
Old 10-14-2009, 02:23 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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I was once called into a team meeting about a child at a school I was teaching at. Basically all of us teachers were grilled about trying to spot any abnormal behavior in him (he was a second grader- about 7 years old). The child has divorced parents with the mother having primary custody and both of them were present in the meeting. The tension was palpable.

I found it surprising because this was one of the "cool kids". He was not only really well adjusted, but had a fantastic laid back attitude that made lots of different kinds of kids want to hang out with him. Which was interesting because he was also clearly one of those "off the beaten path" type kids. He was not a social power broker or mean in any sense, but just one of those awesome kids that didn't feel the need to follow the mainstream.

In the meeting, we all agreed that he was very well adjusted and had no emerging issues that we could see. In fact some of us mentioned (myself included) that he was remarkably mature and centered for a seven year old. The father was angry about this. I found out some weeks later that the meeting was about a custody dispute. The father was trying to retain full custody of the boy because the mother was poly and her OSO had just moved in with her and her new fiance (I found out later that there were a couple of other loves branched off from this V as well). He was trying to gather some evidence that this was damaging to his son and had been trash picking for issues at school for weeks, which is why the guidance counselor finally called a meeting about it (I think she was getting tired with his constant badgering of her). This was a topic of teacher break room conversation for a bit and I was surprised to see that even the more traditional frosted hair teachers that I had little in common with were saying things like "Look..it's not our business what happens at home as long as the kid is well adjusted".

Some time after that, I started giving her son piano lessons at their house and it was really awesome to see their house as a wonderful positive place of affection and openness. It's no wonder this kid was so cool.

I guess my point is that most professionals who work with kids are going to look at it from the kid's welfare point of view. And when you work hard to build a loving trusting home full of open communication and affection, it can't help but have a hugely positive effect on the child. That just can't be denied.
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  #153  
Old 10-14-2009, 07:38 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Now that the whole "abuse" issue has been put to rest, Redpepper and I are refocusing on us being healthy and happy in our love. I met her today during my lunch and had a wonderful talk. We are so tired of the ripple affect that this has had that we consciously agreed we to stop questioning the answers we already know. We reaffirmed that we are happy, fulfilled, and true to ourselves. Our love is never in question.

I felt a weight lifting and could see it in her eyes as well. Working on relationships is great...labouring all day and night is not.

It feels good to be back!
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  #154  
Old 10-14-2009, 08:53 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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slight hijack-

ceoli-that is awesome!

I'm lucky to have never dealt with that issue before with my kids-hope I never do. My parents know I am poly-have wondered for years when it was going to just BE the reality of my marriage or if my marriage would dissolve first and see no issue with it in regards to the kids. But most people I know-well they don't feel the same.

Mono-congrats again.
Maca's ex made some serious accusations against me after we married-and it sucked. I love Maca, I love his son. I hated having my name defiled with her accusations (in court no less). I'm glad you have gotten the air cleared so to speak. That always feels good.
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  #155  
Old 10-19-2009, 02:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
And when you work hard to build a loving trusting home full of open communication and affection, it can't help but have a hugely positive effect on the child. That just can't be denied.
This is a great comment Ceoli! Thanks for sharing this story...it's good to hear positive affirmations based on real experiences.
Take care
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  #156  
Old 10-19-2009, 03:46 PM
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WOW, what a weekend! Redpepper's husband was away enjoying a weekend of pursuing a hobby of his and I ended up spending almost all of the weekend with her and their son. We filled the weekend with lots of activities and had several great discussions.

There was a part of me that felt somewhat opportunist in that I got so much time with them in her husband's absence. I then thought about how I feel when she is with him. I feel like she is safe, taken care of, helped, and not alone. I think that my presence with her makes him feel the same way and in affect may dampen any concerns about being away for the weekend doing something he enjoys so much. This makes me feel like a positive in both their lives and is one of the advantages of poly relationships for sure. Her son seems to have enjoyed our time together and I am always eager to spend time with her and him.

One of our discussions involved how we display commitment which brought to light surprisingly new insights into why we act certain ways within our relationship and towards our friends. We understand each other more in this area and Redpepper started a thread prompted by this discussion and an earlier talk with her husband. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=976

To top off the weekend, after going home I went for a ride in the early evening and decided to swing by a favourite spot of Redpepper's to leave her a note. It is on the ocean and when I went to the place where I usually write her notes, I looked on the rocks below me and there she was looking up at me. She was out for her evening run and just happened to be there in that moment. Could there be any more signs of how destined this is for us?

Peace and Love
A very happy Mono
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-19-2009 at 03:49 PM.
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  #157  
Old 10-20-2009, 01:09 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
To top off the weekend, after going home I went for a ride in the early evening and decided to swing by a favourite spot of Redpepper's to leave her a note. It is on the ocean and when I went to the place where I usually write her notes, I looked on the rocks below me and there she was looking up at me. She was out for her evening run and just happened to be there in that moment. Could there be any more signs of how destined this is for us?
That is too cool!
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  #158  
Old 10-22-2009, 04:44 AM
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So here I am babysitting whIle Redpepper and her husband attend a parenting course. I had a great birthday with my chosen family! Redpepper and me took the day off from work which meant we could spend a relaxing morning together which is always a very special treat! She took me out for brunch by the ocean and then we all got together for a b-day supper which they treated me to.
They really have invested a lot of love and caring into this vanilla cracker. I only hope I give back half of what they give me I love them all and am trying to be the best chosen family and secondary Redpepper could have....I had to throw in the "secondary" comment

Peace and love
Mono
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  #159  
Old 10-22-2009, 07:43 AM
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I had to throw in the "secondary" comment
grrrrr
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  #160  
Old 10-24-2009, 02:41 PM
bgfgirl bgfgirl is offline
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Wow...this all sounds so wonderul! I hope that I can create that kind of love and fullness in my life.
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