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  #601  
Old 07-11-2010, 06:23 AM
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Is chivlary dead??

I went to the hosp where my new friend E works. I drove around the (many different parking areas)for 30 till I finally found her car. I put 2 roses and a note that said cant wait to see you on our date night.

She melted and was total shocked that anyone would do somthing like that. Now I read about Mono leaving the love notes on RP jogging route ( by the way brother THAT IS CASANOVA STYLE SMOOTH ). DO guys really stop being romantic when the " Honey moon is over"?

One of the great things about poly ( at least for me) there isnt a rut to get caught up in. Giving flowers to E made me that much more determined to do/go the extra step to show my wifey how much I unconditionally love her.

Im in LOVE wih LOVING!



Maca
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  #602  
Old 07-12-2010, 01:35 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Your post could not have come at a more opportune time for me to read! You are SO right!! Oh - and Mono - Maca is so right on - that's just awesome.

When Violet and I started dating a year and a half ago, she always commented on the things I would do - really basic stuff, opening doors and pulling chairs and bringing flowers. It has driven me nuts all this time how unusual she and Lana find this kind of behaviour - how have they not been treated this way before? And I'm not even GOOD at it - Mono's efforts put me to SHAME!

And now we have Adrian. And it's on a whole new level. In fact, the events that led to her being in our lives started with a conversation about how she'd never been taken on a "nice date". So I told I would take her on one - I didn't think about or care where it led, but this girl shouldbe shown a real night out. We went out a couple times before this "big date" and it turned out the connection was really there, making that night all the better, but the point is - I showed up with roses, took her to a pricey but not expensive restaraunt, walked around downtown a bit, took her to a fun but not fancy club - nothing special at all. And this girl was litereally in tears on and off all night over the treatment. I didn't know what to think! This constitutes a minimum effort for a real date in my book, and I'm not even good at the romance stuff, and she was literally thrilled to tears over it. And both other girls aren't much different!

These are beautiful, smart, interesting 21 to 24 year old women who by all rights could have their pick of any heterosexual man on earth. I keep tellling them they could each do far better than settling for me - I'm a decent catch, but they're all out of my league, lol - there are guys that are smarter, better looking, more sucessful, and would treat them even better than I do. They have their own interrelationships, but all 3 are completely enamored of me in their own way apart from the "bigger picture". And in my book, it's for no other reason than I'm not a complete douchebag.

Everywhere we go as a group, I get the looks and the questions. How does a guy like me have 3 girlfreinds like them, who are cool with that fact and with each other. If I told them just how easy it was, they'd call me a liar.

And the stories I hear about the treatment from past relationships has on more than one occasion brought me completely to tears. And I don't mean the outright abusive ones, of which there are a few - just the lack of compassion and respect.

And yes Maca - the more involved with them, the more I want to do. That date with Adrian has resulted in me being far more romantically inclined and active toward all of them. And ya' know what? I LOVE IT!
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  #603  
Old 07-12-2010, 02:34 AM
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NRE, ahhh, the sweet bliss of it all. Enjoy HMA, hope all is well when its over.

It seems that roses, love notes and smiley faces ends with NRE for most. Chivalry is not dead Maca. For most it just has a life span. I know you and Mono are not that way (can't speak to you HMA, cause I don't know you ), but for all the relationships I have been in, its been the same. I have been the same. With Mono I/we give and think of giving and keep at it as much as we can. Its such a vitally important part of the "fun" part of a relationship and I really think a large part why people look to poly relationships or other relationships in general, because that joy is gone and they either can't get it back or don't know how to.
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  #604  
Old 07-12-2010, 04:59 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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WOW! We just got back from our first poly camp and is not what I expected but definitely a great time
There was people there from Western Canada as well as Washington state. Redpepper, Polynerdist and me hosted a workshop/discussion on Vs and traids which focussed on how we work together and why we work so well. Derby was also a part of this which worked out great when we discussed the relatiosnhips between metamours (thanks Derby ) There was several other workshops including a message one and a Poly 101 discussion hosted by this forum's very own Geminigirl...thanks to you too!!

Today Redpepper and I hosted a workshop on Mono/poly relationships. This was not one I was looking forward too, but Redpepper was very supportive of me. I was worried about being triggered but this didn't happen. We drew upon many of the experiences on this forum as well of why it works for us specifically. It ended up being a very rewarding experience. Thanks for pushing me a little Lilo!!
All in all this was a great experience, we met new people and got to know some old ones much better. Can't wait till next year

Big thanks for Redpepper in urging her men to share our story and keeping us focussed so there actually was workshops from our perspective You rock sexy Bbay!! I love you
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  #605  
Old 07-12-2010, 08:39 AM
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Yes, thanks for Derby, Nerdist, and Geminigirl for making poly camp a really rewarding experience. I can't believe how much Mono and I have achieved and how much work we have done. Unbelievable. It all came out in our discussions as did many other interesting points about mono/poly relationships from a poly perspective that I had not deeply considered, but just briefly touched on... more threads to post!

Thank you also to everyone on this forum who contributes and puts themselves out there so we may learn. I have learned so much and really appreciate what a gift that is.
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  #606  
Old 07-12-2010, 10:00 AM
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I had chivalry ground into my brain at a young age, and you're right - it does seem to be dead. Most of the girls I've dated are used to guys that don't know how to treat a woman, or, in a few cases, deliberately treat them like crap. I don't get it...

I still get a little miffed when Mohegan doesn't let me get the door for her, but that's not her fault - my uncle (the main father figure in my childhood) still to this day cuffs me in the back of the head if he catches me forgetting to open the door for any woman

And yes, he taught me to light a lady's cigarette for her, as well. Just try to convince my wife to slow down and let someone do that for her, though.
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  #607  
Old 07-12-2010, 06:03 PM
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I just wanted to put in my two cents and say that Mono and Redpepper's workshops (especially the one they put on together regarding mono-poly relationships) were excellent. They handled a touchy and complex subject with poise and wisdom!
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  #608  
Old 07-12-2010, 08:31 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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I really wish the poly group here in Vegas was more active - andmore accessible! We've had a devil of a time even figuring out whenand where they meet, much less being able to put together something like that. There's no excuse for it, especially since we live in the convention capitol of the freakin' planet!

RP, Karma - I too hold that these things can wane a bit over time; but to my mind that's part of it being 'dead'. I have never understood why people talk about sex lives stalling in marriage (mine waxed and waned a bit but at our least active was far moreso than what I read is the 'average'), and while there is definitely a surge of romantic behavior during the courting phase and 'honeymoon period', I would NEVER let it go completely - perish the thought!

Back to the camp and poly groups and whatnot - what about organizing a national (Canada doesn't make it international, I can cross without a passport, lol) poly convention sometime? On a bigger level than has been done before? I have connections here for space and special rates...
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  #609  
Old 07-12-2010, 08:41 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
Back to the camp and poly groups and whatnot - what about organizing a national (Canada doesn't make it international, I can cross without a passport, lol) poly convention sometime? On a bigger level than has been done before? I have connections here for space and special rates...
Can you still? I thought you needed a passport

and yes, I have connections at several hotels and could set something like this up if numbers were accurate etc. Both in the city and in Whistler BC
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  #610  
Old 07-13-2010, 07:42 AM
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It was an international poly camp, there were people there from Portland Oregon, Washington state. All over. It wasn't huge, but people represented, for sure.

Back to success and happiness again. We seem to get off topic on here don't we?

I had a great day with Nerdist today. We had the day off together... or at least a morning. We went and signed our wills leaving our boy to Mono and the house if he is raising him. That felt really good and the right decsion. We made my tersiary the exectutor of the will. The two of them will be very able to take care of things the way we would want. It feels much better than my parents doing it. Because of this years events it became evident that we needed to change that.

We have needed some settling time lately, Nerdist and I as we have much to talk about and rarely get the chance to connect. It just goes to show how much taking time with poly relationships is needed. We are working on several things at once; his relationship with rolypoly and where it is going, how it effects our lives, Mono and us living together and Nerdist's seemingly endless dissatisfaction with his career. We managed to cover it all without having an all out fight that ends in disconnection.

I gave him a pep talk about his career, talked about some hard stuff about roly and some hard stuff about Mono and us and all of it with minimal emotion and drama!

Yes folks, redpepper has drama. All the time. It's a mainstay, but is just part of it and I need to embrace it or become mono... the latter is not happening, so drama it is. I just need to not be a drama queen is all.

Anyway, I feel good tonight for the first time in a long time. Good as in grounded, sure footed, content, like we are on the same page, like I gave and now am reaping the benefits in knowing Nerdist feels better and that we are making a move forward with a better understanding and patience than we had before.

Also knowing that he is giving to me by trying to get there with the moving in together thing. He is still miles behind me, but he is catching up and making an effort to catch up. That is all I ask really. I can wait if I know he is trying and working on it.

This afternoon I spent my time with Mono telling him the details. This is my life, talking about hard stuff and then telling everyone else I am with how it went and what happened.... it's endless, necessary and I love it. crazy I know, but I really do.

Thankfully Derby and I are doing well. I don't feel I see her half as much as she requires and that makes me sad, but I can't do more than talk to her on MSN all day and see her with others around mostly except for our treasured dates every two weeks. This week we are going to the night market in a close by town. Dinner, market, smooches, cuddles and a much needed talk. I can't wait!
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