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  #1  
Old 07-21-2014, 01:30 AM
polypie polypie is offline
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Question not poly-related...but i need help :,(

First off, if this isn't allowed, please just say so and I'll take it down...I'm just desperate..

My husband of 5 years seems to always turn arguments around on me and I don't know what to do.. Today I caught him being sneaky. He immediately made an excuse for it and smiled and attempted to give me "knuckles"...but I was hurt and turned my back to feed the small children.. He insisted that I turn around and not "upset him"... So I took a deep breathe and decided that maybe he was being honest and it was an accident and only APPEARED sneaky...to pick and choose my battles.... So I said I didn't wanna give "knuckles"...but he pushed my hug and kept insisting.with his body language. I told him, "I'm your wife, I'm not your friend, give me comfort of a hug"... I didn't mean I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND but he immediately beyond out onto a sweat and angrily left the kitchen and lated on the phone CLEARLY MAD. "I'm not your friend?!! You know how much that hurts when I JUST told you I'm working on being a better best friend to you??!!" I tried my best to explain I didn't mean that...but he just started googling if couples ought to be friends...he's now giving me the silent treatment... (what he always does when he's mad)...

I think it all stems from some jealousy I felt towards a girl we started seeing...I told him Iup needed time and I think he's mad so he's acting off... I'm just do lonely right now... I have kidney failure and I'm super sick...I just want his comfort and love, but he's on a level different than mine...he's wanting playful attention that I can't give him... I don't know what to do guys...he was honestly in the wrong here and he turned it all on me...this is what he always does...I sooner not confront him with my feelings than deal with this because nothing comes of it..I'm still sad he's hiding things from me..and now he's just not talking to me either.

While he was googling if couples ought to be friends I pointed out how he did something truly effed up and wants to laugh it up...but when I mess up my words he's not going to talk to or make eye contact with me...he told me if he lied to me he learned it from me!!!!! (more manipulation)... In a little while he'll come hug me and we'll both pretend like nothings happened :/ I'm still hurt. What do I do?
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  #2  
Old 07-21-2014, 05:55 PM
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MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
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A lot of that sounds really manipulative and unhealthy. It'd be hard to give a ton of advice without understanding a lot more of the specifics, but have either of you ever considered individual or relationship counseling to work on the interpersonal dynamics?
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  #3  
Old 07-21-2014, 06:03 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Given that you have kidney failure and are facing a health crisis? I think you could benefit from extra support. Put your health first -- including mental and emotional health. See about patient support so your illness doesn't become your life even though it's a big thing in it right now. Both of you -- not just him -- need moments of "light and fun." Could counseling help you?

The rest of your post sounds like "push-pull" cycle to me. Is that the norm in your dynamic together or just since the stress of the illness? It doesn't sound healthy.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-21-2014 at 06:05 PM.
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Old Yesterday, 05:03 AM
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MsChristy MsChristy is offline
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You can't pretend nothing happened, cause something clearly did happen. I would, once everyone is calmed down, maybe the next day talk calmly about how you do not like the way he has been acting and treating you. Let him know that this stress on your relationship is not good for your health, and you really need his support right now.
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Old Yesterday, 05:21 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Stop the bus.

You are having a medical crisis. The rest needs to be a full-stop.
What exactly is it that he doesn't understand about putting his preferences and desires on the back burning while dealing with and supporting you in your medical crisis?!?!?!?!
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  #6  
Old Yesterday, 05:29 AM
azorkanesbrat azorkanesbrat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Stop the bus.

You are having a medical crisis. The rest needs to be a full-stop.
What exactly is it that he doesn't understand about putting his preferences and desires on the back burning while dealing with and supporting you in your medical crisis?!?!?!?!
What LR said. When my husband was sick - everything else stopped. Everything.

Medical needs COME FIRST.

End of story.
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