advice

[Ewing]

Thanks i think i am just going to let the chips fall where they may on this

[Anneintherain]

Originally Posted by Ewing

Hi. I've been in the same relationship for 9 years. Recently, my spouse told me she wanted both of us to have the freedom to hook up others people. Well i really didn't mind the idea of a random hookup but was brothered by the idea of her being with someone more then once and making plans to see people.

Just a thought - that sounds like if she was out at a bar and met somebody and slept with them right then and there you say you don't mind that idea as long as she never sees them again.

I am a bit confused on this because, she might think that since you said this, if she has sex with somebody once/right away you wont be bothered by it, which could lead her to having sex with somebody before she really wants to or is ready, because she feels the desire to be with other people, and thinks it's the only way you've agreed it might be acceptable to do so. If she does that, she'll probably feel crappy and get resentful, so I would really clarify.

Wanting to have one night stands, and wanting to date are two different things. I understand how one seems less threatening, has she indicated at all that one night stands are something she has any interest in at all?

If her needs are to want to know somebody a bit before sleeping with them to feel safe/comfortable, and your needs are to not know them at all to feel safe in your relationship, I wouldn't just let the chips fall where they may. I would want to discuss it more. I can't fathom sleeping with somebody on a first date, especially if it would cause problems with somebody I was partners with. It really does seem you should both be more clear with each other about what sort of outside sexual experiences you are looking for before anybody jumps into bed.

I have to assume that after you said you were more OK with random hookups and she had a response for that about if she wanted those or not?