Progressing in our lives in order to create our relationships..?

[LovingRadiance]

It's awesome and I think it's wonderful that you saw fit to share it with us!
I hope EVERYONE reads about it!!

Truly fitting and just as amazing!!

Thank you again.

What an enlightening week!!

[LovingRadiance]

I told you that the path I saw was one that I couldn't go on right now-because the path itself requires that I take the rest of you along with me, or I don't get to go up the path. I can sit at the base of it, but if I tried to traverse it alone-it would "disappear" so to speak.
It's true. I DO see that. And more importantly-I know I'm right. I've seen who HAS made it down/up the path and I've seen who is stuck running in circles at the base THINKING that if they push a few more people down out of their way-they'll "finally get where they always wanted to be."

I BELIEVE that if we are to get to that place our innerselves seek-the one we can't describe or define, but keep LONGING for,
we have to work TOGETHER, not against one another.

We can't kick someone down, step on them in order for us to rise. We have to help them along and in doing so-somehow we look around and find that we've moved a bit closer to that place we are trying to reach.

Too much of society is focused on individually "getting to the top" or "being the best" or "finishing first"...

Sitting back to look at it-they are stuck spinning their wheels, frustrated because they keep meeting their superficial goals only to find that the feeling of emptiness remains with them.

It doesn't matter HOW often they are told-they don't listen.

If they want to fill that emptiness, they have to share "the top", "the best" and/or "number one" with the rest. It's all or nothing. There is no ONE person who will make it and the rest will fail. Either we all make it-or we all fail.

When I consider the world, my place in it, how I am going to function in it, I don't see it as "me against them". I see it as how do I help in the job of getting "us" there with all the knowledge we need/want/seek. I don't see other people, other relationships, other ideas, other ways of doing things as a threat, in anyway, to me. I find it very difficult at best-and completely impossible at worst to understand this need to step on someone else, move them down the proverbial ladder of status, in order to make oneself feel better.
It's impossible for me to accept, even in moments where I can intellectually comprehend the idea, because it's flawed. Every time we move someone down the ladder-we are destroying ourself as well. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
The ONLY way to move ourself UP is to do so while promoting the WHOLE of humanity. It's THE ONLY WAY.

This concept..... is one of the primary reasons there is dissonance in my "romantic" life.

SO MANY PEOPLE
see this whole ratrace as a competition. As I don't, romantic partners who AREN'T Anam Cara, find themselves lost when they attempt to compete with my loves. The competition causes them to spin in circles while going nowhere. They FEEL the distance that forms between our hearts, but they can't believe or accept that it's completely at their leisure to change that.
They can dispel the distance by simply stopping their spin of competition. When the dizziness wears off they will find that my loves and I are standing there beside them, guarding them and loving them with all we have and all we are. Waiting for them so that we can rise together.

[LovingRadiance]

positive energy is given without expectation of reciprocation. People give love, time, attention, help, support, and share resources

Why it matters TO ME-

FIRST-If both (can be any/all) people in ANY type of relationship put their positive energy, time, attention, help, support and love into the relationship it allows the relationship to become MORE then the sum total of each individual.
So instead of their being two individuals OR there being one relationship, there is Two Individuals AND One relationship. The THREE each being "autonomous entities" which can more productively improve the quality of life not only for the individuals themselves, but for all those that come in contact with them.

The positive energy that each of the individuals puts into the relationship(s) is multiplied and comes back OUT into the world as MORE positive energy then the amount that the two individuals could have put into the world individually (i.e. If each could put out 2 parts of positive energy, the total would be 4, but if they put the 2 into the relationship it comes out as 6 or 8 for the world). So not only do the individuals benefit-but the world as a whole benefits more from this.

SECOND-One should go into anything that they do expecting to give their all to ANY endeavor they try. EVERYONE should.
IF everyone does-then EVERYONE benefits.

Why I bring this up-is as I said elsewhere, if ONE PERSON fails to do this-the whole system breaks down. It's IMPERATIVE for EVERYONE to get "on board" with this in order for the system (Any given relationship or since they impact the world, life on earth as well) to properly function.

[LovingRadiance]

there is a desire to understand and know one another, not as we want them to be, but as they truly are

It's impossible for any person to directly change anything but themselves.
We CAUSE change with every word we think or speak, with every action we take. BUT we can't control WHAT those changes WILL be-only what they MAY be.

BUT we CAN directly choose to change ourselves and by doing that with care to be sure our changes are for the positive, we can CAUSE positive changes the world over.
In order to make our changes positive we must KNOW what we are doing,where we are, who we are, who we are with etc.
In order to do that we need to know WHO the people we are around are FOR REAL.

If we try to manipulate our knowledge of them to only what we WANT them to be, we will cause ourselves to be limited in knowledge thus increasing the risk that we will make faulty decisions.

Additionally we inhibit them from knowing us completely and truly and in being able to BE themselves completely and truly.
In doing so we limit our own ability to progress to our true calling and theirs as well.

[LovingRadiance]

there is "microscopic honesty" (from "Conscious Loving": honesty beyond disclosure of facts that includes the expression of one's feelings, thoughts, emotions, as an unfiltered stream of consciousness). There is a lack of concealment of one's self

Similar to the last one, in order for humanity to reach it's full potential we must ALL reach our full potential. In order for that to happen we must be fully consciously aware of that which surrounds us.
We can't be fully aware of what surrounds us if ANY ONE PERSON is concealing themselves. Therefore the ONE who does-causes the demise of the rest.
Additionally-they cause their own misery because others can only share LOVE with that which they KNOW. In order to feel and have love from another-we have to allow them to KNOW us for WHO WE REALLY ARE, not who we THINK THEY MIGHT WANT US TO BE.

[LovingRadiance]

there is use of a structured process for resolving conflict

This one seems like it would be obvious. As our counselor said-if there is no structure, there is great probability that no resolution will be reached. If conflicts can't be resolved, they just increase exponentially. Thus destroying relationships.

(in point of fact, I think this is much of why the board seems to have taken a very negative twist recently. There isn't an AGREED UPON structure between posters on how to deal with their conflicts... so they just keep digressing)

[LovingRadiance]

there is a lack of controlling behaviors; wanting each other to have the freedom to be themselves is inherent

Again-no one person can directly change another. But when we TRY TO we destroy ourselves and the other person. We negate their ability to positively impact us, and we negate our ability to positively impact them.

Each person is created with their own gifts, their own abilities.
When we come together-something within us is drawn to one another.
That something "see's" or senses the "gifts" that we have to give the other person.

BUT if that person tries to control us, they make it impossible for that "something" within us to function and give those gifts to that "something" within them.

Much like she explains in the "Living Happily Ever After" book-when we try to force ourselves to only use our logical minds to control our lives-we negate our ability to FIND the answers, because they are often in that "creative" part of our minds that WE can't consciously control.
We must LET GO of control for that inner part of us, that inner part that see's, senses and KNOWS what we TRULY need, to do it's work. Therefore we screw ourselves (to be blunt) when we try to exert our controlling behaviors not only upon ourselves-but even more so when we exert it upon others around us.

This quote is only an example of how that happens on the NEXT level.
The first level is what she's talking about in the book-how we do that to ourselves by not allowing our "inner" self to have input in our decisions.
This quote is talking about how that impacts relationships-because after we shut down OUR creative side, we start trying to control other people and IN THAT ATTEMPT we shut down their ability to EITHER stay with us (because they leave so they can continue to allow their creative inner self to function) or their ability to use their creative, inner self-which in turn screws them AND US (and the relationship and the world).

[LovingRadiance]

the individuals take 100% responsibility for their own life and for the quality of the relationship(s). They take the perspective that it is not their partners' job to make them happy. Blame and complaining are minimal

If we each take full responsibility for our own life and our own happiness and thus the quality of our relationships, we find that even if someone else isn't-we can still FIND our "right" answers and inner creative side. We can make our decisions from a place of "creative adaptation".
If one person fails this-the relationship WILL fail-at some point.
Because they will fail to thrive or grow and the others will leave them behind
or
because the others will have to drag them like a millstone around their neck while swimming to shore from a shipwreck-and ultimately, they will all drown for this is IMPOSSIBLE.

When each person DOES do this-the relationship can thrive as explained in the first quote and give MORE to each person in it AND to the world as a whole.

Also there is no need to blame or complain anymore-for each person is CONSCIOUS of their own personal inate ability to correct and fix whatever goes wrong by correcting the errors in their own decision making.

[LovingRadiance]

there is straightforward, unambiguous, and effective communication; people express clearly their needs, make specific requests, and avoid hidden "read between the lines" communication

Again-much like a previous thought, it's imperative for us to KNOW ourselves AND all that surrounds us. If any one person doesn't make themselves known

(by not expressing their needs or being vague in requests or forcing others to try to read their minds for ANY reason)

they cause the demise of the others KNOWING them, and therefore they cause the demise of the relationship.

GENERALLY when people DO that, it's because they don't WANT to truly know themselves-and in that they are causing their own demise and everyone else's as well AND they aren't taking full responsibility for their own needs either.

[LovingRadiance]

there is a large degree of flexibility within the relationship to change and adapt based on external forces (the world) and internal forces (from within the relationship). Tendency towards change and evolution rather than stagnation

This one seems like it too should be obvious.

It's impossible for our logical minds to "see" all that is coming in life. If we aren't flexible-we die.

It's really THAT plain.

In every situation we ever encounter there is the possibility of the unexpected to occur. If we aren't flexible-it will destroy us.

In trying to limit flexibility in our relationships we limit flexibility in ourselves AND in our partners which causes both our demise, their demise, the demise of the relationship (eventually) and ultimately the demise of mankind.

All things change, the world is in a constant state of change, our ability to change is the key to our survival. We MUST evolve to survive because the world around us is changing, every minute.

If we don't-first comes stagnation.
But the end result is extinction.