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  #21  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:51 AM
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Default Ninth Thought..

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there is a continual and conscious process of nurturing the relationship
Another one that seems obvious.

If we don't nurture a child-they die.
If we don't nurture our plants-they die.
If we don't nurture our ideas-they die.
If we don't nurture our bodies-they die.
If we don't nurture our minds-they die...
If we don't nurture our relationships-they die (and in the end, so will we).

More specifically-if it's not a CONSCIOUS choice we make-something else will ALWAYS "come up".
In a world that runs at top speed every day-we MUST consciously choose WHAT we will participate in, WHAT we will do during our participation and WHO we will "bring along" with us.
Anything we do without conscious thought-we do half-assed, like building a house with no foundation, a good storm comes-the house falls. So with the relationship and anything else we do half assed.
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  #22  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:53 AM
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Default Tenth Thought..

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there is a high degree of empathy towards one another; everyone exerts a lot of effort to try to understand one anotherís ideas, perspectives, and how they see the world
As said before-
We MUST understand ourselves AND ALL THAT SURROUNDS US.

In order to understand all that surrounds us, we have to start with the people closest to us and that means we MUST make a conscious effort (see the ninth thought) to understand each other to the depths of who we are, not just shallowly.
In doing so we create TRUE bonds and TRUE connections which are strong and lasting.
That will support and sustain not only ourselves, but others as well.
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  #23  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:54 AM
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Default Eleventh Thought....

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there is balance between the individuals along different lines, including balancing time together vs. space apart, the balance of sharing of work, etc.
Every person is first an individual. We MUST keep strong in this in order to have the "2 to give" (see first thought) to the relationship.
We need to support one another in our growth and in our individuality in order to keep the relationship strong.
That requires we balance the need to nurture our individuality of our selves AND the conscious nurturing of the relationship.
That is impacted by work schedules, caring for kids, caring for the home, chores, illness, etc. So we must ensure as a team that everyone gets "their time" to do this.
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  #24  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:54 AM
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Default Twelth Thought....

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that everyone shares key fundamental values, and ideas about life, relationships, and the world
If you have different KEY values-you will continuously be pulling in opposite directions and whoever is "stronger" on the pull will drag the other "off course" for their life. which destroys them and that will destroy the relationship. A ship, a car, a plane, can't sail, drive, fly in two directions at one time. Neither can a person.
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  #25  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:55 AM
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Default Thirteenth Thought....

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there is sharing of mutual goals, vision, and plans, and everyone works together to realize them
This goes hand in hand with the last thought. You must be traveling in like directions or you will pull each other off course. If you ARE traveling in like directions, then you can support one another in going there more easily and quickly. Like bikers in races, teammates will take turns riding in the "wind" that draws them forward just behind the other rider so everyone gets a "break" and they are all able to go faster because of it.
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  #26  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:56 AM
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Default Fourteenth Thought...

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the individuals are committed to and recognize the need to have fun in the relationship
Humor, fun, playful enjoyment are the oil that allows the gears to run smoothly. Life is work, self growth is work, relationships are work. Fun is what motivates and "smooths" the ride. It's what makes the work enjoyable and not drudgery.

Fun is play and play is what triggers the motivation to continue (practice) which triggers TRUE learning and that is what allows us to master things which allows us to receive recognition, which allows us to make MORE connections, which allows us to have fun and play and.... (as noted in Delivered from Distraction).

Also-this fun and play is what triggers our creativity and our creativity is what allows us to tap into that "other side" of our mind and knowledge where the "answers" come at us easily and seemingly with no effort (as noted in "Living Happily Ever After).
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  #27  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:57 AM
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Default Fifteenth Thought...

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the individuals are committed to removing barriers that prevent their ability to be highly emotionally intimate and close
Only if both are committed to this-is it possible. One person alone trying will end up lonely and both will "drown" because one alone can't swim to shore with the other being not but a millstone around their neck...
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  #28  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:58 AM
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Default Sixteenth Thought..

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the individuals are fiercely both independent and interdependent. They live both separate lives and lives intertwined. They recognize the needs of the individual, and attempt to balance that against the needs of the relationship. They are aware of our micro- and macro-cycles of needing closeness/needing independence
This was addressed somewhat before-it's imperative to balance the nurturing of the individuals in order for them to contribute to the relationship. The relationship must be nurtured to survive as well. BOTH of these needs MUST be protected by each individual.
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  #29  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:58 AM
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Default Seventeenth Thought...

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the individuals are totally committed to their own development as separate, independent people. They are also committed to one another's growth; the relationship supports each person's growth as much as possible
We each must be responsible for our own growth-but we need to also see that this requires COMMITMENT to DO, not just to think about developing ourselves.
Additionally in committing to the relationship and to one another's growth, we are able to "get down that path faster" because we're a team and can find the "tricks" that solve one another's issues as well as our own.
If we falter in our development, we stagnate, and stagnation leads to extinction.
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  #30  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:59 AM
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Default Eighteenth Thought....

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there is a sense of creative co-creation within the relationship; a feeling of synergy .
This exists in part because of the others.

If we understand and sense that in being in relationship with others (any type of relationship) we are co-creating the world around us, we are then able to understand the depth of power and the gravity of responsibility we have on account of it.

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Alone we already have great power to create, together that power is exponentially increased and therefore our responsibility is also exponentially compounded.
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