Another Planet

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by moonstone

You found the perfect woman for you.

I believe I have

Of all the poly guys, poor Redpepper had to go and fall in love with a monogamous one LOL!

Hope you find and achieve exactly what you are hoping for!

[alphafour]

I sort of skimmed the thread, and I see that it is moving along toward happiness. I believe in happiness, and if not happiness, contentment.

I came to polyamory the long way around. I suppose a lot of us do, but I believe I came through the veil of death, by the way of the river of tears, and the discovery of empathy.

It is one thing to cry for yourself. It is quite another to grieve for others, and all of mankind.

Anyway, I didn't want to hijack the thread, I just wanted to note the progress and declare the goal.

I figured it like this:

I have been advised by the spirit that "like in the days of Sodom and Gommorah" there are not many righteous on the earth. I was searching, and could not find the love. I found a lot of people who live inside the box of loving and protecting one partner and the family. A lot of them work that way, and cheat and connive in our communities. Many are just abusive to other people. I figured if I could convince one, then maybe we could work together, and convince another. The tendency to be abusive to other people, or groups of people based on "philosophy off the rack" is very prevalent in our society.

Poly is "free thinking" philosophy, and has yet to show any "off the rack" versions. Islam is close, but involves marriages, and seems to lead to abuse of women. The basic ownership features of marriage are one of the prime indications of a dysfunctional social model. Once the jealousy and ownership are removed; the love can proceed to grow, and then flourish.

So here I am. I have left earth, and am living on "another planet" without all of that "rocket science" that others might need.

[moonstone]

Hi Alphafour.
I like the last line. we can be monogamous or polyamourous but what is important is that there is no hiding behind anything. That is how i live. I want to set an example of yet another way a way of less taboo to express yourself in a freer manner. When i went to Italy i learned how they are very open in expressions of love. There are not many sexual Taboos there, at least amonst youth.
Polyamory keeps me in check so I have to constantly question myself and my motives.

[Gwyddion]

I'm a straight man and I'm poly. Between 1972 and 1980, I had 8 very close female friends and lovers, at the same time, and they all knew each other and that they shared me sexually. Some were even bi or gay themselves, but we were a family. They all, except for the gay ladies, had men other than myself. Two were even married (open).

Between 1980 and 1985, I tried to be monogomous, but failed. My then wife questioned all the partnerless women who would show up at our parties and she finally asked if I was "cheating." I answered honestly, "Yes." I suffered painfully the loss of her in my life.

I didn't know my behavior was 'polyamory' back then. I just thought I had a sexual addiction problem, until I was trying once again to be monogomous. For the past 19 years, I have been trying to live monogomously. All the while, pining away over my past loves. My wife was aware of my past and aware of my vulnerability towards women, so she wouldn't even let me have a male friend during this whole time. I tried to obey, because I was feeling extreme guilt over cheating in my prior marriage. "I would die first before I cheat again," I vowed.

After my son was born in 1994, sex with my wife dropped to once a year. After 1998, I stopped having sex with her altogether. In fact, I'm still sexless to this
day. I thought it was because I was the one who stayed home and raised
James while my wife would work for almost 12 hours a day. Being physically close to my baby son would occationally give me erections, so I spent a lot of time suppressing them mentally and avoiding all situations that hinted of sex, which included my wife.

Living the life of a Martyr didn't work either. Finally, i left, blaming her for not letting me have friends. She found I had joined a few single's websites and accussed me of trying to replace her. I tried to explain to her that I wasn't trying to replace, just find other friends. "Female friends?" was her response.

Well, our divorce is final, now. And now that I've moved back to my home State, I feel strangely free to love my wife again. I still think fondly about the wife I had prior to her. Presently, I am close to three new women besides these two wives. One has a boyfriend, one is solidly married, and the third is soloing it. I still haven't had sex since 1998. In fact, when I do think about sex, the very first thing that comes to my mind is a female, not a male, not a chicken, cow, nor sheep, not a watermelon, nor a soft squoosy avacato. And what do I do when sexual desire becomes a problem? I approach it the way I do every problem. I grasp it firmly in hand and work out a solution. Visual aides? Japanese soft porn. Ooooh, I love sashimi.

Our divorce

[moonstone]

i cant understand the post above and what you are trying to say? Youd rather avoid sex because.... of all the problems it brings about? that sort of makes sense. Maybe you have just become asexual as well. so you can be both poly and asexual. Very interesting.

[Gwyddion]

My dear sister Moonstone,

If you're confused, it's only because I may be confused myself. I love sex. I dream about sex, but now, only as a thing of the past. I am 56 years old, out of shape and as ugly as a worty frog's ass.

I can find myself falling in love with someone because of their personality, regardless of what they may look like, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, lust after some young thing for her yummy young body just like the Vampire that I am.

However, for some reason, I'm not getting the close, intimate sex that I used to get. I quit having sex with my ex-wife way back when because I had lost her as an intimate friend. And, because of other things, it was
the only power I had in the relationship and
so, like some women do men, I cut her off.


I would love to be laying in bed, or on a
blanket, next to the woman with whom I have recently fallen in love, but alas, she's
married. I'd love to be staring into her eyes and listening to her voice while she talks about whatever the hell she wants, her hand wrapped around my penis. I could be touching her shoulder, then run my hand down her arm, feeling every little dip and rise. I love to touch her face, her neck, her chest, down past her breasts to her tummy. I'd love to gently kiss her face and then her lips, her shoulder and neck. I'd love to taste her from head to wherever she would stop me.

Ah, but she's married and, although I did so in the past, I don't cheat, and will not try to pursuade another to chest. She knows I'd do her faster than Superman, if given a chance. But she also knows I would jeapardize what we have just for an orgasm.

So, my sexlessness is a state of unfortunate circumstance. My ex-wife used to say, "You can't chose who you fall in love with." Well, I still don't know if I agree with that feeling completely, but I do know one thing. One can control whether or not one has sex. So I let this lady know I care for her and quite possibly falling for her, but that sex isn't what I'm after. One of these days, I'll find what it is I'm after. Until then, I'll love as much as I can get.

If I've confused you more, forgive me, its late, I'm a little waisted, and I've just returned from a B-52s concert.

[Nyx]

I have to admit, my bf wants me to meet his other girlfriend and I just cannot. He has invited me several times to come to a bbq or other gathering and meet her and I will not do it. I know what she looks like and she is very pretty, she has a lot of friends and is really outgoing, she is involved in all kinds of things that my bf likes.....I know it is soooo stupid but I am afraid to meet her because I know I will be constantly comparing myself to her and will end up feeling terrible about myself. I can't rationalize the fear away so far.

[XYZ123]

Originally Posted by Nyx

I have to admit, my bf wants me to meet his other girlfriend and I just cannot. He has invited me several times to come to a bbq or other gathering and meet her and I will not do it. I know what she looks like and she is very pretty, she has a lot of friends and is really outgoing, she is involved in all kinds of things that my bf likes.....I know it is soooo stupid but I am afraid to meet her because I know I will be constantly comparing myself to her and will end up feeling terrible about myself. I can't rationalize the fear away so far.

First, it's not stupid. To be fearful of perceived "competition" is natural. You love your bf and are afraid to lose him to this other woman whom you obviously feel is a threat. But remember, while he chose to have a relationship with her, he also chose one with you. So he must feel something for you and see something in you that you may not see yourself. The fact he wants you to meet her means he's being open and honest with both of you about the relationships and doesn't want them to be separate and exclusive to serving his needs. You never know, she may be just as nervous as you are! But if you're not ready, you're not ready. Take it at your own pace and ask him to respect that. Just know it's better to work up to and meet her than not. It may put your fears to rest knowing she is not out to "steal" him and is just as human as you are.