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Old 02-20-2012, 04:53 AM
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whitelettersky whitelettersky is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 10

Anna...I wish we hung out in real life. I imagine hugely informative sushi dates. Yeah, I considered that...though I imagine Chris's dad wouldn't actually do anything regarding my rents. He doesn't know what they know, for all he knows, he could call and my parents could say "Um, yeah we know, what's your problem? Why are you calling us, Kate and Chris are adults, what could I possibly do to help?" Plus he knows nothing about them...finding their names and phone number and actually calling would be a creepy step I imagine Chris's parents wouldn't take.
26 yr old bi songwriter and music teacher - Michael - my husband. Chris (karatekid) - my boyfriend.
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Old 02-21-2012, 12:21 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

It's time for the bf to move out, find an affordable place to live on his own, and start signing for those student loans by himself. After all, he's an adult and if living with the 'rents means that they will make his life miserable because of the choices he makes, well then, I think it's time for a change of scenery. So, he has to attend p/t instead of f/t - big deal. Some people take many, many years to earn a degree. It isn't the end of the fucking world. I moved out to live on my own at 19 with only $40 in my pocket. It can be done. Friends can help with a couch to sleep on, and many colleges often have financial resources to help independent students who are trying to make ends meet.

I have very little patience with adults who complain about their parents while living with or taking money from them. If he isn't willing to do what it takes to stand on his own and the parents will not give him privacy and respect while he lives at home, then you will either have to lie about it and say you broke up, or deal with their negativity and start some huge fights if you are open about it. If they are that opposed to the relationship, they might give him a different ultimatum if you do continue - to say they'll take their financial support away. I would always want to choose independence over getting kicked out.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 02-21-2012 at 12:36 AM.
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Old 02-21-2012, 12:52 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,001

Yeah, this crossed over from parents being uncomfortable about their precious boy seeing a married, older woman into parents now overtly controlling and threatening.

Yes, you may want to give your parents a heads up about the situation. It is not that hard to track down someone's phone number on the intertubes.

My only thought is to decline to be intimidated and also decline to engage. They can only out you to your parents and if you have handled that, well, piffle.

But I also don't see a point to talking to them right now. Maybe in the future when they've gotten over the toddler stage of accepting of their child's adulthood. (Seriously, this happens - my mom had a hard time with me going away to college and I didn't come back with a married girl or boyfriend.) They are having a tantrum. Their son is being an adult in a very disturbing way to them and they are likely kinda freaked out that their son is becoming an adult, and not their little boy.

Support karatekid - he'll need it.

I also urge karatekid to stick it out if he can, as un-fun as that is. It's not so easy to find financial support to get through college nowadays. Colleges can help but frequently there is not enough money to go around. Getting through college with less debt is a great gift and a real advantage in life. This does not mean put up with anything they dish out.

People do work hard, scrape by and manage to put themselves through. Many of my friends did. However, I know that the quality of the college experience I had (interactions with classmates, learning opportunies like internships, quality of professors - for example, I was taught by full professors while my friends were taught by adjuncts) was better in many ways than experiences of my friends who paid their own way at public colleges or universities. I admire my friends immensely. But, they had a really hard road. So if karatekid can work it out with his parents - they accept his adulthood and mature decisions gracefully, if not happily - and he continues
his education with their help either directly or with other support, then that would be best for all.
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age difference, parents' interference

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