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Old 01-14-2010, 10:42 PM
Isra Isra is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 1
Default Don't know what the next step is

I'll start by saying that I've always known that I was bi-sexual. I've always found both men and woman to be attractive to me. I had never actually thought about dating a girl before, but I have hooked up with a few of my girlfriends and enjoyed myself. So after hoping around from relationship to relationship, I finally found a guy that is on the same wavelength as me. I never want to get married or have kids, and he was the same desires.

A while back we had a 3some with one of his friends and I loved it. At first it was just the sex. I was able to have both at the same time and loved it. Then she started hanging out with us more and more, and I felt like the 3 of us were developing a close bond. It felt like she actually became a part of both our lives, and it was great. The best part was, neither of us got jealous. He could spend time alone with her and it wouldn't bother me, and he never cared if the two of us went off and did our own thing.

This had been going on for almost a year, and then like most good things, it stopped. She started talking to her ex-boyfriend again. They reconciled and became friends again and started talking regularly. Her ex-boyfriend apparently assumed that she was dating my boyfriend. But whenever he found out she was in a triad, he freaked out. He told her parents, and all hell broke lose. So long story short, she stopped being with us.

Now I find myself wanting to find that again. My boyfriend and I talked about swinging, and while he is ok with it, I don't know if that is really what I want. I really liked what we had. At first I didn't think it would be that hard to find another bi-sexual girl who would be interested in joining us, then I discovered that we are looking for what a lot of other poly couples are looking for and that competition is fierce, heh.

So I guess I'm curious what direction I should head in from here on out.
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Old 01-14-2010, 10:49 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Welcome to the world of polyamory and this forum!

You story sounds really good - healthy, open and rewarding. It's a shame things like that have to end, I know, but people do move on, and you grieve that loss...

As for what to do, do you know if there are any poly groups in your area, so that you can get to know (even if in friendship only) people in your area?

Your prpofile says you ra in Houtson, TX, and from doing a quick search I found http://lists.polyamory.org/listinfo....-polyamory.org - not sure how active it is, but you might like to sign on there and see what is going on. Some of the poly groups hold regular social get-togethers so that you can find others who also choose the "responsible non-monogamous" lifestyle.

Also, swinging and polyamory aren't mutually exclusive - there are quite a few people who are quite happily doing both - some feel that they each "scratch different itches" and others like the flexibility. So what I'm saying is that you don't have to choose, if you don't want to.

There is plenty of good advice on this forum, and links to many other resources where you can read more.

I hope your journey is rewarding.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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