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  #61  
Old 07-02-2013, 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
I don't mean, not just getting along with, outright hating.
Hate, like wants to watch them die in a fire?
Hate, like hatching plots which will cause them harm?
Hate, like being jealous and insecure and hiding behind anger?

Hate is classified as an "extreme dislike" or "intense hostility". Within the context of this conversation, hating someone involves being deeply irrational in allowing someone to steer their emotions as if they were not their own. If someone can claim to hate someone else, being accurate in their meaning, they are admitting that they have lost all sense of themselves and are instead substituting an inflated emotional response.

If people who are not dating each other, don't work together, and are not somehow otherwise socially locked in don't like each other... what's the problem?

They can either not spend any time with each other or they can grow up. Easy.
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  #62  
Old 07-03-2013, 12:14 AM
tree166 tree166 is offline
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I don't know that I've *hated* any of them, but extreme dislike is something I've experienced.

My partner typically dates women who aren't terribly emotionally stable. I don't know if it's coincidence or what.

At any rate, my dislike usually starts out with a nagging feeling in my gut, but I keep my mouth shut until I have something concrete to back up the feeling. Something they've said or done that I can point to when I (calmly and rationally) express my hesitance to my partner. Typically he wants to hear my opinions, especially if what I'm picking up on could cause unnecessary drama in our lives. Like the multiple women who've developed unhealthy fixations - one stalked him, one claimed to be pregnant with his child and one stole our spare key and attempted to move in with us. I couldn't make this shit up.

So yes, I've had extremely strong negative feelings for these women. With good reason I think.
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  #63  
Old 07-03-2013, 12:33 AM
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Didn't read the replies thus far, but you mean your metamour - not your partner's metamour.

For me, no. But I don't have partner-type relationships and don't usually have much contact with the metamours I've had.
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  #64  
Old 07-03-2013, 01:08 AM
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Originally Posted by tree166 View Post
one stalked him, one claimed to be pregnant with his child and one stole our spare key and attempted to move in with us.

So yes, I've had extremely strong negative feelings for these women. With good reason I think.
Hell, that's just self-preservation.
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  #65  
Old 07-03-2013, 01:27 AM
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Hell, that's just self-preservation.
That's what I think too, but I've been told by others in our local poly community that I didn't have a right to demand an end to the relationships. Knowing how much "control" to exercise in these situations has been a struggle.
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  #66  
Old 07-03-2013, 01:43 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Boy do I know that one Tree.
I left our local poly community after being told it was unreasonable of me to plan an activity at my home and NOT allow a lady to attend who had previously actively and openly attempted to convince Maca to leave me.
I finally got tired of her harassment and just bailed on the whole social group.

I have strong feelings of dislike for her. The dysfunctional need to try to destroy someone else's family life offends me.

On the other hand, there was a lady who had all sorts of problems and wanted to do the same thing-but didn't actually DO or SAY anything. I don't have such strong feelings there.

Bottomline for me is-this is OUR home (all 5 of us). That means it needs to be a sanctuary for EACH of us. Therefore-no one is welcome who isn't willing to treat ALL of us with care and sensitivity for this being OUR HOME.
Anyway who doesn't meet the standard of respect we have for friends and extended family-doesn't come over twice.

I don't give a rip if Maca wants to meet them on his time somewhere else.
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  #67  
Old 07-03-2013, 02:02 AM
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I'm of the opinion that anyone that is actively, consciously disrespectful of me, my partner, our relationship or our home has no place in our lives. That goes for friends AND family.

What this really boils down to is that if someone is a jerk, we call them on it and give them another chance. Continuing that pattern of behavior is unacceptable and cause for ending of relationships. I'm too old/busy/sane for that shit, and I have zero patience for it after it's been addressed.

If that's controlling, so be it. But I too have abandoned my local poly community due to judgement and harassment. It sucks, but that's why we're here, right?
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  #68  
Old 07-03-2013, 02:18 AM
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Hate? No.

Actively dislike? Yes.

Dislike so much to start acting like a complete bitch to the moronic little tart? Definitely.
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  #69  
Old 07-03-2013, 02:21 AM
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I hated x's first gf. It was mostly his fault than hers. 13 years later and she and I are good fb friends lol
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Last edited by Inyourendo; 07-03-2013 at 02:23 AM.
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  #70  
Old 07-03-2013, 02:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tree166 View Post
That's what I think too, but I've been told by others in our local poly community that I didn't have a right to demand an end to the relationships. Knowing how much "control" to exercise in these situations has been a struggle.
Well, I can demand anything I want but the only thing I have any actual control over is myself. If IV were to start attracting crazy people like moths to a flame (as it sounds like some people can't seem to avoid doing) then I would have control over what parts of my life I partnered with her on; primarily the question of living together would be brought front and center. That is just my self-preservation, not exacting imaginary control over her.

If your partner allows you to control who they date then that is a decision they have made... independence is not for everyone.
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