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Old 02-07-2010, 10:44 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by DrunkenPorcupine View Post
I'm in "mindfuck" territory right now.

Someone I've been seeing for a little while and getting very intimate with (emotionally, not sexually) told me last night that she's developing feelings for (and sexual attraction towards) me. I've certainly got feelings for her, but the biggest one is a respect for her values and boundaries.

You see... she's mono-identifying and married. I'm friends with her husband as well.

So, amidst the absolute amazingness of being validated as a desired partner, the fear that I'll be "her mistake", my genuine desire to see her happy, the sexual tension between us and all of that, I'm feeling quite dizzy.

Luckily, we're both very mature people. She has some things on her mind and heart that she wants to deal with between her husband and herself and she's willing to seize that opportunity. This morning, she started opening the dialogue with him about what she's feeling towards him, towards herself and towards their relationship.

I don't know where that will lead to. I suspect a few realistic possibilities and more than anything, I hope she starts feeling resolution and movement soon.

I'm also a bit terrified that the amazing time we've been sharing will be something that she feels, ultimately, she needs to cut out. The downside to loving many people is that there's more opportunity for being hurt.

I'm sure at this point I'm rambling but can ya blame me?
No - I can't blame you ! (rambling)
Are YOU married or in a relationship yourself ?

I guess all I can offer if it may help (and it usually doesn't until you live through it) is that once we start opening ourselves up to the world (and people) around us, there's a good chance that something significant may walk through that door. And if it's nice, our first reaction is to try to cling to it.
But the more you learn about openness the more you are forced to take to heart that clinging is self destructive behavior. We can't predict why that person has shown up, what it means, or how long they may stay. A lot of learning to love is learning to let go. All things must pass.
Being prepared and accepting that passing doesn't remove the pain - but can lessen it and help it eventually fall into it's proper perspective.

In case that helps............

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Old 04-17-2010, 03:17 AM
DrunkenPorcupine's Avatar
DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 175

I haven't posted much lately.

The last few months for me have been stressful and changing. After many years of marriage, my wife and I decided to seperate. It's entirely peaceful, amicable and mutual. It didn't come crashing home, we realized as we decided to get individual bank accounts that we've been pulling away from each other for a while. We both realized it was time to stop pretending and honor our relationship for what it was and was not.

So even though I feel well towards her - she will always be my friend and ally - the shift is unusual for me. I'm "single" again...

There was some drama in my household due to tenant/landlord/roommate-ish issues during this time, and so I've been looking for a new place to stay. Finding a poly-friendly roommate or landlord is difficult but I've done it, I think.

I'm also newly involved with a M-F couple and it's got a very odd dynamic, odd in the sense that I'm not used to it. It's also fun.
Connection is the path to passion. Passion is not the path to connection.
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