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  #1  
Old 01-09-2010, 01:06 PM
Koh Koh is offline
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Question I need some help with a question.

My fiance and I recently started discussing a poly relationship with a friend of ours. Our friend and I are rather nervous but my fiance is very excited even though our friend is a self professed lesbian.

We recently decided to try a date with the three of us, which we all agreed to, and is scheduled for later this week/next week.

The problem is that my fiance wants to get her an engagement ring, and to invite her along on the vacation we were planning on taking for our two year aniversary.

I like her and I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but my fiance's actions through all of this worry me a lot.

Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank You.
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  #2  
Old 01-09-2010, 02:00 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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You have had one date with this person, and your partner wants to buy this new person an engagement ring already?

What's going to be brought on the second date - a moving van?

Am I missing something, but this seems rather... fast. One of the tenets of making poly work that I heard was to take things at the speed that everyone is comfortable. Sounds like this isn't being done here at all. (Presumably from the fact that you have mentioned it you aren't keen on either the ring or the vacation.)

Maybe having a sit-down with the three of you and having a talk about expectations, hopes and dreams might be a good idea - and don't be afraid to speak up and say "look, I really want to see where this can go, but this is too fast"
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:35 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
You have had one date with this person, and your partner wants to buy this new person an engagement ring already?
No, they have NOT even had the first date YET and he wants to buy her an engagement ring already.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:52 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
No, they have NOT even had the first date YET and he wants to buy her an engagement ring already.
Oops, I will blame that on lack of coffee for missing that. Thank you.

Yeah, then even more what I said before - this sounds wayyyy too fast for me, and it sounds like it is for you.
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Old 01-10-2010, 12:23 AM
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crisare crisare is offline
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Yeahhh ... I'm trying to figure out what your fi's rush is.

This is a relationship building, right? You don't show up for a first date with a girl with a ring in your pocket ready to propose under "normal" circumstances. Why would you do it when pursuing a poly relationship?

SEems like your fiance thinks that this is just a done deal? I think you should talk to him and ask him why he wants to move so fast. See what his thoughts are behind trying to create an instant relationship.

I wouldn't proceed with it until you know what's going on in his mind.
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Old 01-10-2010, 05:20 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Yep. What they said. Except I wouldn't agree to proceed with anything until I was sure everyone was comfortable with the arrangement.
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