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  #41  
Old 12-26-2011, 11:12 PM
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Originally Posted by AntiPoly View Post
I guess I'm afraid that once Poly becomes mainstream there'll be no boundaries regarding sexuality and romance. Pretty soon Pedophillia and Beastiality will also become accepted and mainstream, what do you say to that? Where exactly do we draw the line?
I say the same argument has been made against interracial and interfaith relationships. Society didn't break down when those became accepted.

The line is drawn at consent.
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  #42  
Old 12-27-2011, 07:56 AM
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Hmm I suppose you have a point... I'm actually more worried about Poly taking over and becoming the mainstream instead of monogamy. And before you know it the whole definition of romantic love will be changed and will be be just like platonic love.
Hello, first and foremost. This is my first post on this site.

I know you are worried about poly relationships taking over and ruining 'romance'. May I ask you a personal question? How many people have you dated? Were you in love with any of them, or did you date them simply because? I'd be rather surprised, but are you currently married and completely still in love with your very first girlfriend?

The clinical, sterile, rather non-dramatic view of romance has always struck me as silly. We love people, we follow them and proclaim our love, and eventually we move on when something just 'isn't quite right'. I have done it, and I see it still going on among the population. No one immediately finds that 'one and only soul-mate', and immediately all other women (or men, or both) do not exist.

Here is another question. If you are not married to your first girlfriend (and completely monogamous with her, as in you would never view another female/male as more attractive/better in some way than her/him), then do you ever feel yourself mourning a past relationship? Perhaps still in love with that person, despite being in a current relationship? Perhaps missing their smile, or their views, or the way they could make you laugh on a bad day, or even missing some of their faults?

What I'm trying to point out: There is no such thing as a completely monogamous relationship right out of childhood. You have loved others, and fallen out of love with them, and will continue to do so until the day you die. The media and mainstream society sees romantic love in a light that does not exist, but is constantly hoped for by people who fear being seen in a different light. Those that fear condemnation simply tell themselves that 'those thoughts are unclean, I need to be completely faithful even though, in reality, I am pretty miserable'.

Another thing we are told: You cannot be miserable if you are completely and totally in love with someone. That's not true! It's a constant struggle of equality, trust, honesty, communication, and compromise (when appropriate). There are ups and downs, people fall in and out of love, and no relationship is a 'perfect nuclear family'.

I may have went off on a tangent, but I hope you caught my meaning. Fear breeds hate and violence; be above that and, if something you read/see/hear sounds strange to you, research it honestly, with an open mind. It's a very, very big world out there.
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  #43  
Old 12-27-2011, 12:14 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Ah, I see. If you are really not a troll, then you are an ignoramus. You view polyamory as a contemptible depravity. You have the audacity to come to our online poly community and lump poly in with such sick practices as beastiality and pedophilia. I am sure I speak for many members here in saying that you and your dull-witted prejudice are not welcome here.


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  #44  
Old 12-27-2011, 03:03 PM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
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Antipoly, I agree with you that kissing is sacred and special. But to say it's *more* sacred than sex is selling sex a little short. Your attitude tells me that you view sex as "just fucking"--so who's the one ruining romance here?

Sex isn't an animal, unromantic act. It can be beautiful and sacred, too, and kissing is part of the whole deal. I don't separate out the sex acts in the sex I have--it's all part of one big lovemaking session. So to restrict any one act seems to defeat the point of doing it.

I have a husband and a lover, and both men have their unique strengths in the bedroom. My lover is such a good kisser that it makes me weak in the knees just thinking about it. I never knew kissing could be like that. Honestly, if I couldn't kiss him, I'm not sure I would have sex with him. On the other hand, my husband and I often have kissing-free sex because kissing isn't so much our thing. We have other things.
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  #45  
Old 12-30-2011, 01:40 AM
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Anti-poly, poly is about consent, bottom line. If you equate poly with anything else you are not on the same page, uneducated and talking of something completely different.

Please educate yourself by reading and explain to us why you make such sweeping accusations and assumptions before posting again. Thank you.
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  #46  
Old 12-30-2011, 12:08 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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It seems to me it's easy to understand why poly is different from the other examples. Just like other relationships that used to be taboo or still are depending on the place (interracial and interfaith have been mentioned. Same-sex would apply too) we're talking about people who want to be with one another and are told by society they're not allowed to.

This is different from cases where harm occurs or consent is hard or impossible to establish.

But if something becomes accepted, it doesn't mean it becomes the norm. It's still more common to be in a relationship with someone your opposite gender, someone your ethnicity or someone your own faith than the opposite. It will still be more common to be in a relationship with one person than several.

And incidentally, even if pedophilia and bestiality became legal in the western world, they wouldn't become more common either. Well bestiality is legal in some states actually so I guess it just proves my point. These states aren't full of human-nonhuman marriages. That's because most people just aren't interested in that at all. Those who are are unlikely to be stopped by the law, they just make sure not to get caught.

About the first post, I just can't imagine a situation in which I would have sex with a boyfriend without kissing them first. Would hugs be out of the picture, too? I just think sex without kissing just wouldn't be a romantic relationship, it would be fucking around, and that's not something I'm interested in personally (although I don't think there is anything wrong with it either).

I don't think romantic love's specialness comes from the fact that only one person gets it at any given time. It might be the way you feel, and well, if you're mono you're mono anyways, but in my case that's just not how I experience it. It is special because... it just is. It's a unique feeling. I don't think it loses from being given to more than one person.
But ultimately I don't think it's about "giving" your love to a certain amount of people. You don't pick who you fall in love with. If you are in love with more than one person and they love you back and everyone involved is fine with it I find it silly to suffer because it's not socially accepted.

Finally, poly has become more talked about lately. As a result it might seem like there is an avalanche of poly people. Keep in mind a lot of it is people finally talking about it even though they were there all along. And if there really is some kind of fad and people start experimenting... well believe me if it's not for them they'll stop pretty quick.

I always wonder, with monogamy... if someone believe their spouse to be dead and remarries, and loves the new spouse, and the old one comes back... Wouldn't it make sense for them to love both of them? Does it become any less sacred? Do they have to reject one?
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  #47  
Old 12-30-2011, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Linaeve View Post
There is no such thing as a completely monogamous relationship right out of childhood. You have loved others, and fallen out of love with them, and will continue to do so until the day you die.
but but... what about that movie, where the two little neighbour kids grow up together and fall in love all "romantic" like when they hit puberty, and then they get married and make babies and live happily ever after? You mean that wasn't true?
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  #48  
Old 12-31-2011, 03:54 PM
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I just love kissing all 3 of my partners. Yum! I could write some erotic XXX rated stuff right now, but I will spare ya'll. Too bad we don't have spoiler tags here.

I dumped a guy once who was excellent in the sack, b/c he had an agreement with his primary to kiss no one but her. To me, it is so weird... you'll kiss my pussy and have me suck your cock, but your mouth is off limits? How about your neck? Or is it just from the nipples down? Too weird and compartmentalized for me.
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  #49  
Old 12-31-2011, 05:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I just love kissing all 3 of my partners. Yum! I could write some erotic XXX rated stuff right now, but I will spare ya'll. Too bad we don't have spoiler tags here.

I dumped a guy once who was excellent in the sack, b/c he had an agreement with his primary to kiss no one but her. To me, it is so weird... you'll kiss my pussy and have me suck your cock, but your mouth is off limits? How about your neck? Or is it just from the nipples down? Too weird and compartmentalized for me.
Oh geez you could not have said it any better for me. Making love to someone is exactly that.... I love kissing both my wife and my gf, and occasionally my bf too. life is too short to not enjoy love.
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  #50  
Old 01-06-2012, 05:06 AM
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I just read through this entire thread and have to say that either AntiPoly is using this forum as a way to relieve boredom by messing with the "poly freaks" or has an ulterior motive for steering the topic from "kissing is sacred" to "people who can love more than one person at a time are mentally ill."

AntiPoly: If it's door number one - get a life. We are all hear to support each other. If it's door number two - You may want to turn the mirror back around and look at yourself. Having enough love in your heart for many people is a gift, not a curse. And unless you are contemplating something that does not involve a consenting adult, you should not feel the need to make up rules or comparisons to convince yourself that it is okay to be who you are.
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