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  #31  
Old 12-25-2011, 03:17 AM
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Originally Posted by AntiPoly View Post
Hmm I suppose you have a point... I'm actually more worried about Poly taking over and becoming the mainstream instead of monogamy. And before you know it the whole definition of romantic love will be changed and will be be just like platonic love.
Even if poly did become mainstream, there would still be monogamous people -- some folks are just naturally that way. You would still be able to find mono partners, just like we're able to find poly partners now even though we're greatly in the minority. And maybe it would make your monogamous love feel all the more special to you if it were a rare thing.

Either way, I don't see how poly becoming the norm would make romantic love like platonic love? You've gotta understand, my love for my two partners feels exactly to me like my love for my one partner did when I was monogamous. It's very much still special. Taking out that one provision, exclusivity, doesn't make it not special/romantic for me, even though it might for you.
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  #32  
Old 12-25-2011, 06:56 AM
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Originally Posted by AntiPoly View Post
I'm actually more worried about Poly taking over and becoming the mainstream instead of monogamy.
So what if it did? Big whoop. No one would be forced to be poly, since it is not only based on honesty, but also consent. So, even if the majority was inclined toward polyamory, and it was absolutely the "norm," you wouldn't have to conform. You could still be monogamous and there would be plenty of mono people out there for potential mates, just like poly people find other poly people now while we are not yet the majority. You would rather monogamy continue to be the norm so that polyfolk are always the outliers instead of you? Is conformity always your preferred state of being?
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Originally Posted by AntiPoly View Post
And before you know it the whole definition of romantic love will be changed and will be be just like platonic love.
I don't know why you aren't getting that polyfolk do not see their romances and intimate relationships as equal to platonic friendships. Love and romance are very special and separate from platonic relationships. We don't all go around hooking up with anybody. We just recognize that it isn't a bad thing to express our capacity to love more than one person - that is, more than one very special person. You seem to be viewing poly from a very uneducated viewpoint and are making rather odd assumptions.

Oh, and there are already many ways to define romantic love. So what if the definitions change. Ask most monogamous people what love and romance means to them and most will have a real difficult time offering any kind of definition, anyway. It's a thing very unique to each person who experiences it. So, why do you see danger in perceptions changing? Life isn't meant to be static.
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 12-25-2011 at 01:07 PM.
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  #33  
Old 12-25-2011, 07:07 AM
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Monogamy is waaaaay easier. Poly relationships deal with navigating and managing time, investment in many people, interest in exploring and working on relationship dynamics, remaining autonomous and having a knack for all of the above. There are many cross overs with monogamy that are useful too... such as developing and maintaining open and honest communication, practicing compassion/empathy/consideration, understanding that love can be abundant in all its forms rather than scarce and worth coveting.

Most people I think will not be able to achieve poly but see how the theory behind it might be acceptable and respectable and others might try it and fall on their face so much that they give up on it as it causes them too much pain. Some people will never understand it, find it repulsive in some way or a threat (sounds like you antipoly) and others might not care to involve themselves in poly even as an interesting conversation just because it bores them.

Really, I don't think it at all a threat. Love is love and if people want to love a certain way, I figure they can fill their boots. As long as they are happy with that and not hurting others then its not my business to pass judgment. I can even empathize with the love they feel without accepting their truth as my own.
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  #34  
Old 12-25-2011, 07:37 AM
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Well said, everyone. I agree with pretty much all the replies above.
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  #35  
Old 12-25-2011, 11:02 PM
AntiPoly AntiPoly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
So what if it did? Big whoop. No one would be forced to be poly, since it is not only based on honesty, but also consent. So, even if the majority was inclined toward polyamory, and it was absolutely the "norm," you wouldn't have to conform. You could still be monogamous and there would be plenty of mono people out there for potential mates, just like poly people find other poly people now while we are not yet the majority. You would rather monogamy continue to be the norm so that polyfolk are always the outliers instead of you? Is conformity always your preferred state of being? I don't know why you aren't getting that polyfolk do not see their romances and intimate relationships as equal to platonic friendships. Love and romance are very special and separate from platonic relationships. We don't all go around hooking up with anybody. We just recognize that it isn't a bad thing to express our capacity to love more than one person - that is, more than one very special person. You seem to be viewing poly from a very uneducated viewpoint and are making rather odd assumptions.

Oh, and there are already many ways to define romantic love. So what if the definitions change. Ask most monogamous people what love and romance means to them and most will have a real difficult time offering any kind of definition, anyway. It's a thing very unique to each person who experiences it. So, why do you see danger in perceptions changing? Life isn't meant to be static.
I guess I'm afraid that once Poly becomes mainstream there'll be no boundaries regarding sexuality and romance. Pretty soon Pedophillia and Beastiality will also become accepted and mainstream, what do you say to that? Where exactly do we draw the line?
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  #36  
Old 12-26-2011, 01:00 AM
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Well said, everyone. I agree with pretty much all the replies above.
I second this. Very well said.

I also feel like many of the others here do.
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  #37  
Old 12-26-2011, 08:30 AM
kamala kamala is offline
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AntiPoly, people have been quite polite to you up until now. You've suggested that poly people have inferior relationships, and when they responded reasonably and thoughtfully with explanations of what poly really means to them, you respond with saying that their poly will eventually lead to bestiality and pedophilia becoming mainstream.

Look, I'm not even sure why anyone's trying to explain/defend anything to you. You clearly have some problems that you've chosen to deal with by coming onto an anonymous board and insulting people. If you have a loved one who wants to try this, or you have had some bad experience in the past, you could have come here and really, actually, truly learned something. But you're a bigot, and you won't learn a thing. Draw the line wherever you want to, but don't pretend that where other people draw theirs has anything at all to do with you
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  #38  
Old 12-26-2011, 12:52 PM
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Antipoly, you have brought in the bestiality and pedophilia slippery slope argument and therefore are either missing the HONESTY AND CONSENT part of this or are ignoring it deliberately in order to stir things up.

I suspect it is the latter, that you are ignoring it to stir things up, and that therefore you are trolling; your purpose here is to get people stirred up, and not to actually learn. Your curiosity is only about how far you can push, in my opinion. You are testing boundaries.

You could convince me otherwise, but, you would need to actually pay attention to the concepts of honesty and consent to do so.

I don't think you will.
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  #39  
Old 12-26-2011, 03:46 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AntiPoly View Post
Hmm I suppose you have a point... I'm actually more worried about Poly taking over and becoming the mainstream instead of monogamy. And before you know it the whole definition of romantic love will be changed and will be be just like platonic love.
I have to say that this strikes me as quite silly. Romantic involvement and platonic involvement are not alike and won't ever be alike simply because they are different forms of bonding. Any serious romantic involvement will also include attachment, which is part of platonic relationships, though that's not to say that the two will be the same. That sort of claim seems to speak of a lack of experience with each or to a bitterness born of a bad relationship ending or both.

I'm also uncertain as to what you think the definition of romantic love is. It certainly doesn't contain any limitation involving the number of people. You may be mono and want only mono partners, sure; that doesn't involve any supposed limitation by definition on romantic love or involvement.

That leads me again ask why you're here. That is an important question. That title up there by my username is one of several. One other I carry is that of Royal Executioner--I'm the guy who will escort you off the boards if I think you're here to troll.

So, if you're mono and expect your partners to be mono, why are you here?
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  #40  
Old 12-26-2011, 09:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AntiPoly View Post
I guess I'm afraid that once Poly becomes mainstream there'll be no boundaries regarding sexuality and romance. Pretty soon Pedophillia and Beastiality will also become accepted and mainstream, what do you say to that? Where exactly do we draw the line?
Ah, I see. If you are really not a troll, then you are an [deleted]. You view polyamory as a contemptible depravity. You have the audacity to come to our online poly community and lump poly in with such sick practices as beastiality and pedophilia. I am sure I speak for many members here in saying that ... dull-witted prejudice are not welcome here.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/

Last edited by AutumnalTone; 12-30-2011 at 06:29 PM. Reason: Have to play by the rules
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