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Old 01-05-2010, 04:51 PM
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ourquad ourquad is offline
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Location: florida
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Yes, I can relate to this. I'm slow to let others in but when I do, I don't love half-heartedly. Nor do I feel any emotion halfway. And I think I frighten some people in a way.

Tech is like me in that he doesn't let others in easily. Not like me in that he shows emtions much at all. And he doesn't love (or at least show love) in a way I'm used to. Which has been a big hurdle for me. I've thought he doesn't love me. He does. It has taken me a while to "get" that just because it isn't as openly shown or even spoken as I'm used to does not mean it isn't there.

However, my biggest hurdle was realizing he doesn't HAVE to love me the way I want him to. I had to decide if I could accept the way he does love me. Even if it wasn't as much as I love him. Was that something I could live with? Was I going to be able to relate to how he does love me without smothering him and constantly wanting more? Obviously, I've decided that yes I find that possible. Not having him in my life was a worse concept that not being to him what he is to me. I do feel that I'm everything to him that he feels is possible given our situation.

Kitten avoids confrontation with me. I'm told she doesn't know how to handle it. I'm rarely out of control in those regards. I watch myself because I know that I have a temper. Yet, I do hold people accountable and ask "the hard questions". Ones that people do not like to answer. She avoids that.

I hold myself back at times because not everyone is as passionate as I am and they just don't know how to deal with things the way I do.

That's my personality. While I do not consider it a flaw, I do realize it isn't to everyone's liking and try to take that into consideration.
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Old 01-05-2010, 06:05 PM
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Bowvine Bowvine is offline
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Location: northern cali
Posts: 31

This is something I have struggled with in my past relationships. My last partner equated my love / passion to a blow torch. It's accurate too. I don't hold back when I fall for someone. I have trouble articulating sometimes about how I feel and so the vibe when I go inside myself to search is a bit jarring. I've had partners who say it's like they can hear my head vibrating in thought.

I don't think it's possible to feel too much. I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to feel, even when I am in extreme emotional pain. I think to myself "what a gift to love like this".
"You can't make a giant just by stretching out a dwarf. One person's beauty mark is another person's wart."
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Old 01-05-2010, 06:50 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
This is something I've thought a lot about over the years. We live in a largely non-feeling culture. There's this expectation to keep a stiff upper lip and keep things light. I've never fit into this. I'm someone who feels a lot and often.
In all things balance; sometimes, sure, it's more appropriate to let something go, but sometimes? Ohhhh, yes, I've got to feel before I can move on. I make sure the people around me know this, so nobody's too baffled by the "mood swings". I mean, I'll also tell people when my moods are indeed swinging, but mostly it's just healthy use of a full range of emotion. We were born feeling, weren't we?

I have had to learn that balance over time; I used to feel so much that it became unhealthy. Everything set me off. I'd fall in unrequited love and it interfered with my ability to function. If you're not functioning as a result of your emotions, maaaaaybe then it's time to get help. That's the only situation where I'd draw that line.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
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Old 01-05-2010, 07:26 PM
Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 297

Being empathic can be troublesome as much as helpful. I recognize that I am connected to the world. But that is a thought. A rationale. I also feel that connection. I cannot ignore it. It helps me relate to others and it motivates me in being and bringing the change I'd like to see in the world.

It's a double edged sword.

The level of emotional involvement and depth I allow myself to slip into can be detrimental.

I mean it's high times when I am obsessed with something frivolous like LoTR, watching it with friends who were equally crazed about it. Freaking half the crowd out, usually guys, with homo-erotic references to Sam and Frodo (even TBS saw it). There is nothing like being with a group of people who are all into The L Word or Doctor Who.

But then someone may be experiencing a rough time in their lives and I may be drawn in, inexplicably taking on their problem as my own. Their hurt. The closer they are to me the worse it can be. The only thing is that people may react differently to the same stimuli. When we react differently clashes can occur. It took not a small amount of effort and time to shield myself from that sort of experience. Knowing the difference between mine and theirs and stepping back. Knowing when to be an ear and a shoulder and knowing when that cannot be done either. There are those I care deeply for (annoyingly) but I have to keep my distance because there's a weakness in the armor there. There are aspects of their lives I'd rather not be privy too because emotional boundaries get blurry. An example would be in regards to a long time friend and self-destructive tendencies.

My emotions run high and hot. I am slow to trust but once trust is given, I love well. Once betrayed, trust is not given again without a price being paid for damages done.

EDIT: I love passionate people. When there is a match, ardor for ardor, it is amazing. It is like being in a morgue when you're excited about something and everyone else is lukewarm. "Yeah, that's nice." And you're reaction is "Yeah?? That's NICE? Is that all you can say?" Yeah no, those are boooring people.


Last edited by Ravenesque; 01-05-2010 at 07:30 PM.
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Old 01-05-2010, 11:09 PM
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rolypoly rolypoly is offline
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I don't think it's possible to feel too much. I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to feel, even when I am in extreme emotional pain. I think to myself "what a gift to love like this".
YES! Thank you. Sometimes I just need a reminder that being sensitive, having strong emotions and many of them is a beautiful thing, not a burden.
My heart is too big to fit into one person.
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feelings, love

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