My tendency to over-think things....

[ThatGirlInGray]

Originally Posted by km34

I don't feel at home in the LGBT community. The 'B' always feels so ignored and often judged that I tend to avoid it. As a woman married to a man, I've never really felt like I've been included in the sense of community. Sure, the groups and individuals I've talked to have always said "welcome!" and have appreciated my support, but in reality no one really related to me. I was too "normal."

YES. This. And with the fight against the "promiscuous" assumption, it's hard to bring up poly. We end up being "not gay enough" AND "sluts". *sigh*

I'm a little bit of a gamer (tabletop RPG's) but I'm not into any of those other things you listed as being big in your poly community either, so I hear you. I have a hard time with interest-based groups in general because, while there are geeky/nerdy things I like, I'm never AS into them as the rest of the people there, so I end up feeling like I don't really belong.

*hugs* No answers or even suggestions, but I totally understand! Oregon isn't THAT far from Northern CA, maybe someday we can have our own meetup!

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by km34

I still identify as "Christian" although my definition of such has drastically altered in the recent years.

I think this was my biggest obstacle over the last 6 years or so. I had always found my friends through church and after years of not really connecting with anyone, and then my view/beliefs started to evolve and change, I was left floundering with no one I felt safe having theological discussions with. I had to look outside my normal comfort zones and venture into the unknown.

For some strange reason, about a year ago, I got some wild hair to join a Renaissance Faire group. I don't sing, play music or even like acting, in fact around strangers, I get real shy, but I do knit, sew and like history and this group had a place for that and it's also a year round re-enactment group. I can't believe how fast I made some really dear friends. It was really strange to sit with a group a women, sewing while watching scifi movies. While the Christian community is a minority, the Bi women out number the straight and lesbian combined.

It is a slow process, to find a place to fit. Start looking for groups that cater to your interests and visit a few times. Look into trying something new.

[km34]

Have I recently mentioned how much I love this forum?? Well, I do.

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray

YES. This. And with the fight against the "promiscuous" assumption, it's hard to bring up poly. We end up being "not gay enough" AND "sluts". *sigh*

I'm a little bit of a gamer (tabletop RPG's) but I'm not into any of those other things you listed as being big in your poly community either, so I hear you. I have a hard time with interest-based groups in general because, while there are geeky/nerdy things I like, I'm never AS into them as the rest of the people there, so I end up feeling like I don't really belong.

*hugs* No answers or even suggestions, but I totally understand! Oregon isn't THAT far from Northern CA, maybe someday we can have our own meetup!

I really do like the people we meet in the poly forums, and the people who are under 40 are generally much, much, much less weird about newness/current situation than the younger people are. Which is fine since I generally have more in common with people under 40 anyway.

I do love the idea of having our own meetup. I think it would be interesting to try to get as many polyamory.com contributors as possible together at once to see if we all like each other as much in person. lol

Originally Posted by SNeacail

I think this was my biggest obstacle over the last 6 years or so. I had always found my friends through church and after years of not really connecting with anyone, and then my view/beliefs started to evolve and change, I was left floundering with no one I felt safe having theological discussions with. I had to look outside my normal comfort zones and venture into the unknown.

For some strange reason, about a year ago, I got some wild hair to join a Renaissance Faire group. I don't sing, play music or even like acting, in fact around strangers, I get real shy, but I do knit, sew and like history and this group had a place for that and it's also a year round re-enactment group. I can't believe how fast I made some really dear friends. It was really strange to sit with a group a women, sewing while watching scifi movies. While the Christian community is a minority, the Bi women out number the straight and lesbian combined.

It is a slow process, to find a place to fit. Start looking for groups that cater to your interests and visit a few times. Look into trying something new.

I grew up in a very tight-knit church. My grandpa was a pastor, my uncle became a pastor, I was VERY involved. My friends either went to my church or a church nearby and we all did churchy things together. Not having that connection is very strange to me. My problem right now is that I don't have any hardcore interests. I can't think of a single thing that I am so passionate about or interested in that I would want to have a dedicated time for week after week. Very few things I would be willing to set aside one dedicated day a MONTH for a group activity. I like variety. I need to find a group for variety. lol

[km34]

I love getting to know new people. Especially new poly people.

I've been talking off and on to the woman I met at the last poly meetup. She checked in to see if I would be at the meeting tomorrow (she was debating about going but has now said she will definitely be there ), and we talked for about 2 hours or so via text. Turns out we have a lot in common. I've been enjoying the swapping of stories, random information gleaned, and general conversation that has been going on. I've also been enjoying that feeling of not knowing where things are going. Is she going to be a good friend? Someone I just see every once in a while at poly meetings? A girlfriend?

No matter what type of relationship develops, it is wonderful knowing that there is someone else that I can be my complete self around who understands and won't judge me.

[km34]

I surprise myself sometimes.

Keith was going to leave his phone at home when we go camping next week because he is afraid he won't be able to resist the urge to text the women he's been talking to lately (there are 2, one of which he will HOPEFULLY be meeting for coffee or dinner very soon). I decided that's silly. If he gets on my nerves with overt phone activity, I'll tell him. Why should he not be able to talk to people when I plan on spending most of the time reading and have a habit of texting at random times too?

He was pleasantly surprised that I insisted he warn the women that he may not be accessible as regularly (no idea what signal is like where we're going AND we do plan on doing some hiking/museum going during which he won't be able to use his phone), but on the whole I don't mind if he continues talking to them as much as he has been lately. I'm kind of surprised, too, because I have been very much looking forward to this "all about me" week. He's been promising it to me ever since we moved. Something about me doing something so big for him that he feels like he owes me. lol Ridiculous, of course, but who am I to argue if he wants to spoil me for a week??

But again, who am I to complain that I apparently have next to no jealousy left in my system? Let him talk. It's adorable when he gets all excited about potential friends/girlfriends.

[km34]

Keith and I are re-entering our exploration of D/s life! Woohoo! He wouldn't mind doing an almost 24/7 kind of thing, but I'm still not quite confident enough to do that. I need to find a book that is more focused on the D/s side since we aren't really interested in bondage at all. I am a bit of a sadist and he a masochist, so we've been dabbling with a few different whips and floggers and such for a while. Once again - working on building up my confidence in that arena. I've missed it, Keith's missed it, we just hadn't gotten back into figuring out what we enjoy and what our comfort levels are since the move.

So.. That is good thing numero uno. Good thing numero dos is that I have lost weight this month! First weigh in was June 1 and as of last Friday, I am down EIGHT POUNDS!! Super yay!

That is pretty much my life at the moment. I have a possible date in the next couple of weeks, but unless we get our vehicle worked on that isn't going to happen for a while. Our power steering needs work, and soon since I can hardly turn the wheel the way it is. Keith has no issues driving it (have I mention I lack all semblance of having upper body strength??? lol) so he doesn't view it as a priority. I just need to call and make an appointment so that he has no choice but to deal with it. Blah.

[km34]

Today is mine and Keith's 2 year wedding anniversary.

It started off in an awesome way because of a bad situation. We took our vehicle in for some maintenance yesterday (things we've known needed to be done since we got the thing but had been putting off until we knew we had the money) and it turns out the power steering was about to go out (with no signs in the handling that it was happening). Boo. So that cost us like $500 more than than we planned, AND it meant they had to keep it overnight so Keith couldn't go to work last night.

So, the bad = a lot more money going in to the vehicle meaning we have to dip into our emergency fund a bit (but not too much, it'll be back up to full force within a few weeks without us stretching the budget much at all, yay!) and he had to use a PTO day that we were trying to save for next year to take an extended trip. The good = Keith got to be home last night and we had a movie marathon and made sure we were awake at midnight to have our first kiss (and stuff) on our anniversary.

I am now letting him sleep while I catch up on some housework and other stuff that I put off this weekend.

[km34]

Oh, talking to new people, how I love and hate it.

On one hand, I absolutely love getting to know new people, hearing their stories, and just enjoying the process.

On the other, I am absolutely TERRIBLE at faceless conversation. Meaning, until we meet in person and I get to actually interact with someone, I am hopelessly awkward.

The plus side? The woman I'm talking to seems to be okay with it. And guys don't really notice. lol It's been a good few days, although only owning one vehicle is a real drag since it limits when I can be out of the house (it would help if I wasn't too big of a weenie to ride public transit on my own, but my mom's paranoia managed to transfer to me and I'm always afraid I'd get lost anyway ).

[km34]

Fiona texted me today. Like a lot.

We hadn't talked in easily over a month. I'm torn on whether or not I should tell her that I am potentially going to be actively dating soon or if I should just ignore it since we don't talk regularly anyway.

I mean, she always seems to find it necessary to tell me that they haven't played since we left and that it's because she hasn't met anyone that she wants to do anything with. I don't know if that's her way of saying she still cares or if she thinks it's what I want to hear or if she just really thinks I want/need to know.

I don't know why I find it so hard to just say what I want with this woman! So frustrating. I've been so much better about being open and honest from the get-go with people I've been talking to lately. I guess it's harder to change old trends when it's with someone you have a history with.

[km34]

On one hand, things are fantastic - I'm going to get to go visit my family in September, I'm finally making friends and have been talking to some awesome people on OKC lately, AND I've lost 10 pounds.

On the other, I am so frustrated with Keith! He was doing so well dividing his time and focus to make sure I got attention AND he got to nurture some new potentials until things got sexual with someone (rant in another thread) and he seemed to forget that it isn't fair to ask me to shoulder the entire weight of his bad mood while he spends all the happy energy he has on someone else. I've also been lacking in sex drive lately, so him pushing for sex has been causing some strife. Then whenever I'm actually in the mood, he's not. So frustrating being on different schedules!