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  #111  
Old 04-12-2012, 01:10 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by km34 View Post
Keith told me we could make it work and get here out here, but since she had to adjust to a new home already, I don't really see the point of uprooting her life again for me. She seems perfectly happy where she's at, and since I know she's ok - I'm fine with it.
Oh good - can you believe it, I have thought of your doggy several times since you posted about having to leave her. Tee-hee, I guess that qualifies me as an animal lover! I am so glad it worked out, and that she's happy, and you're happy.
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  #112  
Old 04-13-2012, 01:49 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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I think that's sweet.

I talked to my mother in law today, and she went on and on about Gracie (Keith's dog that is now Keith's mom's dog lol). She is also spoiled, apparently. She went from not allowed to even sleep in the bedroom to sleeping in the bed every night. She has a dog living next door now that she plays with through the fence so she spends A LOT of time outside - which is good, because she was getting a little chunky in her old age living in an apartment. She has also started visiting the store where my MIL works. So, yeah. That rehoming worked out really well, too. lol Keith's parents were soooo set that they did NOT want a dog and only took Gracie because she has anxiety issues and there was no way any shelter would have been able to find her a home (she had been in the shelter for a year when we got her). Turns out they are totally dog people.
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  #113  
Old 04-17-2012, 07:49 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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I tried to write a post, but I'm not making any sense.

I miss having people. I miss being able to see my sister and parents every other weekend. I miss the kids I was babysitting. I miss Mario inviting me over for Jeopardy marathons once a week.

Normally I love it here, but every once in a while I just hate it. I hate not having people, and I have no idea how to find new ones. We've gone to meetups, we've gone to church, we've gone to clubs. Nobody has seemed even the slightest bit interested in just hanging out.

I get messages on OKC, but they are always from men who only seem to want sex or are curious about poly/open relationships. Women out here have been hard to relate to so far, even the ones that I've conversed with.

I'm terribly afraid that I am just a small-town, Midwest girl at heart and that I'll never feel at home in the Northwest.
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  #114  
Old 04-17-2012, 01:45 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I think it's probably very natural to feel out of place in a new environment. It's only been a very short amount of time so far. I feel like it takes a year to get a real feel for a new city/town, and two years to begin to put down solid roots. I know that must sound like forever when you're in the midst of it and hopefully it won't take that long, but one way or the other I bet it will get better.
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  #115  
Old 04-18-2012, 08:25 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Thanks, Annabel. Intellectually I know it will improve immensely once we get established in the various groups we've become involved in, but like you said... It just seems to take forever.

I've decided to see a therapist. I'm a believer that therapy helps everyone at some point, and I think right now is my point. Even if it's only a few sessions to get everything off my chest. Keith pointed out something that I've often noticed - the swings in my blood sugar cause me to have mood swings almost as severe as someone with bipolar disorder. While I know I do better when my diet is on track, I need to work on ways to cope with it when I err. Hopefully getting it out there will help me find some perspective.

Luckily, we have some pretty awesome insurance, so I am going to call tomorrow to see if I need a referral from my everyday doctor (speaking of which, I need to find a new one of those too... And a dentist...) or if I can just make an appointment. I don't think I need a referral, but if it lowers the copay, I'm all for it! I know two psychologists that are within walking distance are covered by our insurance, so it is just figuring out the technicalities.

Haha.. Maybe I can start working on my trust issues while I'm at it...
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  #116  
Old 04-24-2012, 02:49 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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So, the therapist thing has been put on hold until we're more financially stable. Insurance isn't great unless I can get my primary physician to refer me, and since I have yet to find one of those, it'll be a bit before it happens.

On a positive note.... We went swimming today! It's been lovely all weekend, and the water was FREEZING, but it was fun nonetheless.

Keith has been talking to a couple of women on OKC, so he has been giddy and adorable.

I'm returning to my mindset of not looking for relationships. I've connected with a few people I can really see myself being friends with from church, and my life always seems to be better when I'm not worrying about romance. It'll happen if it's supposed to. Why worry about it when my life is pretty darn awesome anyway?

I've started working out again AND there's been sun. I think the lack of vitamin D may have been affecting me and my mood more than I realized.
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  #117  
Old 04-24-2012, 03:12 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Default Random rant!

I'm an active member on a forum about swinging... I was only judged by a few members there when I shared the whole experience with Fiona and Mario - and even those comments were in the "to each their own" vein of thinking.

Lately, though, I've seen SO MANY people judging polyamory in general and saying the only way poly can work is if it is a harem style set up with one man and multiple women who are basically only used to keep the house, children, and for sex.

It pisses me off beyond belief, and I've been trying not to let it bother me. I mean, these people are entitled to their opinions. If they don't think poly would work, they don't have to attempt it. I guess I just dislike seeing such hatred and ignorance coming from people who would be facing the same hatred and ignorance if their identity as swingers was revealed to many.

Can't we as nonmonogamist at least support each other a little bit?!

I've never felt any judgment on here for being a swinger. I appreciate that.

That is all.
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  #118  
Old 04-24-2012, 06:32 AM
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I really can't relate to the whole swinging/poly division that exists for some. I am open, and I am poly. Both come from the same place for me, really, from feeling like I wish my partner(s) to have all experiences they want to have and feel most happy and satisfied in life whether with or without me.

Yet, not everybody comes from the same place, so it is understandable. But I don't think the polarisation benefits anybody (as it never does).
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  #119  
Old 04-28-2012, 08:55 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Keith and I went to our second poly meetup tonight. It was a lot more fun than the last one.

The normal coordinator was unable to make it, so there once again wasn't a real topic for discussion. I'm hoping this will change in the next month or two, and if it doesn't, I may start coming prepared with topics myself just to facilitate conversation to remain poly-centric since that is really we're all there. Not that I don't enjoy sitting around and randomly talking about what tv shows, games, and other random things we like, but hearing other people's perspectives on polyamory is a major motivation for me to remain part of this group.

There were about twice as many people, which was wonderful. I got the number of one woman that I chatted with pretty much the entire time. She's going to escort me to a burlesque show sometime in the near future since I have never been and she has a few friends that perform locally. Keith also got the contact information for a guy that I didn't get to talk to much, but he assures me I will get along with well (from what I could tell, he's right - the man was very friendly, laughed a lot, and seemed to have a lot of the same outdoorsy interests that Keith and I share). The woman is solo, casually dating a couple of men. The man is in a serious relationship with a woman who wasn't able to come because of the lack of childcare. So, we're finally making contacts! Yay!

This weekend should be fun as well... We are going to a cookout for young adults (18-35) hosted by a UU church group. A woman we met at the church we've been attending invited us along. Then the church is having an activities after the normal service so we will be having a book discussion as well as some other activities created to help everyone get to know one another and the goals of the congregation. I took a quiz that told me UU was the religion most likely to conform to my belief structure, and after a couple of months of exposing myself to it, I think that might be accurate.

Overall I am in a very good place tonight. Rainy season is almost over, I'm finally meeting people who seem to want to make new friends, AND I found out my parents may get to come visit in May. Now it is time for bed! Or more likely time to start a new book and then sleep with Keith during the day tomorrow. I really hate sleeping alone.
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  #120  
Old 05-07-2012, 12:41 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Bisexual erasure. It's haunting me.

I struggle with myself constantly. I feel marginalized everywhere I go and I don't know if it's because of how society works or if it's because I haven't truly embraced myself yet.

I don't feel at home in the LGBT community. The 'B' always feels so ignored and often judged that I tend to avoid it. As a woman married to a man, I've never really felt like I've been included in the sense of community. Sure, the groups and individuals I've talked to have always said "welcome!" and have appreciated my support, but in reality no one really related to me. I was too "normal."

I am also struggling to fit into the local poly community. Not because of the identification as poly, but because of the other interests/outlooks that many of the local poly people have. Gaming, Paganism, Art, Writing - all themes that are very prevalent in the interests of a majority of the polyamorists. I share none of these interests, really. I have no artistic/creative ability, I have no interest in the more serious "geeky" games (I'm a Boggle, Cranium, Sequence player - that's about it on games), and I still identify as "Christian" although my definition of such has drastically altered in the recent years.

I don't fit in with swingers very well anymore because I am not adamant about keeping sex and emotions separate. Non-open groups/people would think I'm crazy or going to hell or something if they knew half of what I do.

I know I'm bi. I believe in polyamory, whether or not it's my natural inclination or something that I've accepted intellectually and the emotions have followed is something I question. I lack passion for any specific pastime or hobby. I think I will always struggle relating to groups of people until I find something over which we can bond.
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