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  #211  
Old 05-05-2011, 04:22 PM
ogre ogre is offline
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Default jelously ?

I am in my first poly relationship. There is me , my girlfriend and her other boy friend , mate , lover ( sorry if there is a term that I do not know ) . I find my self at times jealous if she is with him. I was wondering if that is normal ? the main reason for my jealousy is because before my girl friend wanted a ploy relationship they were engaged and things did not work out. Granted it was years ago,they still have that bond .They would have had a child together if it was not for a miscarriage, so they have that bond of losing a child as well. I understand her being in love with more than one person hence our relationship.I feel that if it was any other person I would feel totally different and accepting of their relationship. And would not see him as a threat . Any advise would be greatly helpful .

Last edited by ogre; 05-05-2011 at 04:24 PM.
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  #212  
Old 05-05-2011, 07:32 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Some people can and and some people can't I would imagine. Some people simply aren't compatable as lovers/partners.

I'm not sure telling him "time and time again, that hes the man of my life" is necessarily very helpful. It might be better to focus on expressing your lifelong committment to him as a partner but not the man of your life. Your words (as I emotionally respond to them as a mono guy) do not coincide with your deisre for other men. It's a mixed signal that could be interpretted as a way to overcompaensate for the fact that you want and need more men in your life.
Interesting observation Mon!
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  #213  
Old 05-06-2011, 02:23 PM
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Pooka Pooka is offline
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for me the trouble is insecurity. although I (after 2 years of discussion) introduced the poly style to my girlfriend, it happened so that (after a few sexual relationships) she found a deep emotional relationship first and we both feel not ready for this. yet there is no return but forward now. so I try to observe her, myself and the situation, and try to learn more from your experiences. this site is great. as I mentioned in my post in "New to Polyamory" thread, I do not feel much jealousy (I even fantasize about watching her) but there is a dreadful fear of abandonment due to the emotional side of her relationship. I cannot comprehend living without her, she says the same to me. I am excited and terrified and hopeful at the same time.
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  #214  
Old 06-08-2011, 01:50 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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The following is a good documentary that deals with the human desire for sex. The instinct of sexual jealousy is touched on in the end.

http://documentarystorm.com/human-instinct/
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  #215  
Old 06-08-2011, 02:34 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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The following is a good documentary that deals with the human desire for sex. The instinct of sexual jealousy is touched on in the end.

http://documentarystorm.com/human-instinct/
I didn't care for it.
I feel that it's lacking in a lot of important facts when it tries to portray what is thousands of years of conditioning as "instinctive". Basically it seems to want to portray an unbiased 'scientific' approach but to pick and choose the facts that support the message it wants to convey - one that supports the 'standard model'.

GS
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  #216  
Old 06-08-2011, 03:49 PM
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I didn't care for it.
I feel that it's lacking in a lot of important facts when it tries to portray what is thousands of years of conditioning as "instinctive". Basically it seems to want to portray an unbiased 'scientific' approach but to pick and choose the facts that support the message it wants to convey - one that supports the 'standard model'.

GS
While I certainly recognize conditioning as a factor in a lot of areas, I must admit I do often feel it is used as a convenient skapegoat to deny the idea of instinct and natural behavior that does not support how people want to live. But that is the beauty of sharing things like this and our personal thoughts; diversity in opinions and theories.

The following won't be too popular but..... at what point do thousands of years of conditioning become known by another name?

"Evolution (also known as biological or organic evolution) is the change over time in one or more inherited traits found in populations of organisms.[1] Inherited traits are particular distinguishing characteristics, including anatomical, biochemical or behavioural characteristics, that are passed on from one generation to the next. Evolution may occur when there is variation of inherited traits within a population." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution

I do heavily favour scientific research when it comes to human emotions and responses. I'm a big fan of brain mapping and anything that can show definitive evidence of what goes on inside us.
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 06-08-2011 at 04:13 PM.
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  #217  
Old 06-08-2011, 04:51 PM
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I like the research too. I think our thoughts and emotions are way more complicated and interlocking than people give them credit for. There's a combination in our instinctual reactions, reactions based on how we were taught to behave, reactions based on how we actually WERE raised and the examples we saw, reactions based on our experiences we have in life, and reactions based entirely on our own inner personality which is a combination of these things, but also sometimes just "how we are".
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  #218  
Old 06-08-2011, 05:01 PM
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but also sometimes just "how we are".
.....and we are all so very different in my opinion. My reality and my truth may not be shared by anyone...finding happiness in that is where I find peace of mind ultimately.
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  #219  
Old 06-08-2011, 05:48 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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........

The following won't be too popular but..... at what point do thousands of years of conditioning become known by another name?

"Evolution (also known as biological or organic evolution) is the change over time in one or more inherited traits found in populations of organisms.[1] Inherited traits are particular distinguishing characteristics, including anatomical, biochemical or behavioural characteristics, that are passed on from one generation to the next. Evolution may occur when there is variation of inherited traits within a population." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution
If I understand where you're going with this correctly (?) you do bring up a valid question.

"When does social conditioning impact living things at a biochemical level that can/will be passed on genetically ?"

In this case, has thousands of years of promoting monogamy actually effected a genetic change that now exists 'naturally' (biochemically) ? I certainly don't have that answer, nor do I think does anyone else. Would be an interesting research project - i.e. a difficult one.

I do base my 'belief' (and that's all it is) on my observation and study of behavior in various environments.

The (one of) test would be to raise a child in an environment where love, affection (and sex) were plentiful and neither hidden nor discouraged - but allowed to flow free-form. Observe for signs of 'jealousy' and note how easy or difficult those 'instincts' were subdued (if needed).

My experience and observations from working with children (as well as raising a handful) is that until some 'outside' influence interferes, as long as things are plentiful (love, affection, shelter, safety, etc), sharing is the default. Only when supply becomes short do you see problems arise with competition. There are exceptions of course - we've all seen them. But some unfortunates are born with cancer - so there's an expectation of a certain variance.

There's a lot of informational discussion circulating in the Abundance vs Scarcity debate/philosophy too. I think there's some relevant crossover there.

But in the end it seems what really matters is a discussion of which philosophy holds the greatest promise for the species as a whole going forward. Not what it is now, or what it has been in the past.

Interesting...........

GS
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  #220  
Old 06-08-2011, 06:44 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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But in the end it seems what really matters is a discussion of which philosophy holds the greatest promise for the species as a whole going forward. Not what it is now, or what it has been in the past.

Interesting...........

GS
Very interesting indeed.
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