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  #191  
Old 02-16-2011, 01:17 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I
@Flamecat- I appreciate your attempts to figure Mono out. I love that you are interested rather than judgemental. The approach is refreshing and welcomed.

In order to understand Mono one would have to be here I think. He is very mono. What can I say. Mono, mainstream and conservative. What the hell I am doing with him I don't know as I am so not. Our values are vastly different and our goals are too.
It is refreshing. I enjoy talking about all of the different pieces of people's differences, but it's not enjoyable when it becomes a judgmental person bashing. I've enjoyed reading what you ask Flamecat, because you don't go there.

As for Mono-RP my dear, I get him. He's so much like Chris in those ways. I get it very well. I've been living with "one of those" for nearly 10 years!

It's all good Mono-there's room for each one of us unique individuals!
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  #192  
Old 02-16-2011, 02:47 PM
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It's all good Mono-there's room for each one of us unique individuals!
And that is why I love you LR!...errrr in a non-romantic, non-sexual, hands off, platonitc sort of way But if I was poly
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  #193  
Old 02-16-2011, 03:12 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
It is refreshing. I enjoy talking about all of the different pieces of people's differences, but it's not enjoyable when it becomes a judgmental person bashing. I've enjoyed reading what you ask Flamecat, because you don't go there.

As for Mono-RP my dear, I get him. He's so much like Chris in those ways. I get it very well. I've been living with "one of those" for nearly 10 years!

It's all good Mono-there's room for each one of us unique individuals!
Thank you - both of you - I do try to be as unbiased and non-judgemental as I can - particularly with these subjects as they can be so personal and easily trigger off people...

That and I am, and have always been, of the view that it takes all kinds and that we are all here for a reason... learning being the main one Our differences are what make us all so special... understanding those differences is, to me, what makes everything worthwhile...and being understood is even better than that

And for the record - I think I do get Mono - just as I get WW... the concepts of 'why' they are the way they are is where I fall down and need to learn more for my own understanding... but otherwise yeppers - awesome people all of you and I count you all among my friends... and I don't judge friends
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  #194  
Old 02-16-2011, 03:18 PM
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And that is why I love you LR!...errrr in a non-romantic, non-sexual, hands off, platonitc sort of way But if I was poly
You silly silly man!

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awesome people all of you and I count you all among my friends... and I don't judge friends
Ditto.
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  #195  
Old 02-16-2011, 03:26 PM
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awesome people all of you and I count you all among my friends
Double ditto..just to one up LR
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  #196  
Old 02-16-2011, 03:42 PM
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Double ditto..just to one up LR
Well just to round it out and triple ditto it I repeat myself: Awesome peoples and I count you all my friends *monster hugs*

LOL... bunch of goofballs... anyone else wanna join the lovefest (platonic lovefest of course ) happening here?
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  #197  
Old 03-11-2011, 12:49 PM
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Default Jealousy - the brain vs the heart

I read a piece about jealousy (another site). It made me think...

I have been jealous, not green with envy, angry, jealous... but jealous nonetheless. What I read is everything my brain has already known. My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 13. I know we have a rock solid foundation. I know he isn't going to up and leave me and our family. I know that we are the most important people in his life. I know that he loves me and isn't replacing me. I know he can love more than one woman and that doesn't diminish the feelings he has for me.

That's what my brain knows.

Now, can we please find a way for my brain to communicate this to my heart?

When it comes to jealousy, it is not my brain that has problems comprehending the nature of our marriage and relationships. It is my heart. My heart gets jealous and lonely.

I have found that keeping busy, doing other things, really helps to take my heart's emotions and keep them in check. When I am thinking about other things (whether it is a new crochet pattern or studying for the bar exam), my heart doesn't have a chance to react. But can I really keep that busy all the time?

No, I don't have to keep that busy that much. As time passes, my brain is slowly communicating with my heart... ever so slowly the jealousy in my heart is waning, it's disappearing. It's not completely gone yet and there are times when it comes back with a vengeance... but it is not as strong as those first few days. And I think part of that is having a place to talk about these emotions and concerns and feelings.

Talking (whether actually talking or typing it out on the forums) forces me to confront my heart on the irrational fears it has. Having a place to talk makes my brain communicate with my heart... my heart is learning all that my brain already knows.

Anyone else experience the brain/heart divide? What do you do to overcome it?
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  #198  
Old 03-11-2011, 01:20 PM
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I know exactly what you mean, rationally reasoning things out about the situation but even then still having trouble with tough feelings.

I don't know the answer, exactly. I do what you do, occupy myself, make sure I'm with friends or doing something fun when my partner is out with other people so that I don't negatively fixate on it.

And I bet there's something about how important it is to acknowledge the feelings you have and just let yourself experience them; repression never helps.

I think there's something special about being able to live in your feelings and not bolt out of the situation or drive yourself nuts. Sounds like you're on the right track with things.
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  #199  
Old 03-11-2011, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by louise101 View Post
....... As time passes, my brain is slowly communicating with my heart... ever so slowly the jealousy in my heart is waning, it's disappearing. It's not completely gone yet and there are times when it comes back with a vengeance... but it is not as strong as those first few days. And I think part of that is having a place to talk about these emotions and concerns and feelings.

Talking (whether actually talking or typing it out on the forums) forces me to confront my heart on the irrational fears it has. Having a place to talk makes my brain communicate with my heart... my heart is learning all that my brain already knows.

Anyone else experience the brain/heart divide? What do you do to overcome it?
I suspect we all experience this

And like you are learning, the final solution is the same as it is for many things.

TIME !

We just have to use the understanding (brain part) to play defense and ride it out until we start to look back (like you are) and realize how far we actually HAVE come !
From there the rest of the pins seem to fall more rapidly.

Keep on keeping on.......

GS
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  #200  
Old 03-11-2011, 04:58 PM
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I just read a book by Susan Forward called "Obsessive Love," and it really gave me some insight. When I think of jealousy (and this is not an emotion I struggle with, very often) I think it has a lot to do with obsessing over another person. I know for me I have to fight codependency issues, or I start to dissolve.

I can see where panic could set in at the thought of losing the love of someone you think you couldn't live without. I am working on the idea that the only person who will be with me till the end of time, is me. No sense glomming onto someone else for my own sense of worth or happiness... Deep down, once you learn to love yourself I think the jealousy feelings can subside. (Wow -- do I love myself? I guess I do!)

I really have no desire to possess another human being. If I love them I have no choice but to keep their freedom at the forefront of my mind. Otherwise they are loving me for less than pure reasons, which can hardly even be called "love" -- obligation, fear, duty, guilt, sympathy, pride ..... No thanks. You are free to love me and you are free to walk away.

I suppose I sound like I'm on a soapbox, I hope not -- this is my personal philosophy and I am not always 100% with it, myself, but it's what I strive for.
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