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  #81  
Old 01-12-2012, 02:05 PM
MrsPOd MrsPOd is offline
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"I meant both ....Bf and his wife ...was the wife part of the package from the start or was there an additional readjustment after she was added?"

I only became close with his wife at the start of last year.

"What are you looking for from him?"

Um. A quality romantic relationship and friendship.
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  #82  
Old 01-12-2012, 04:07 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Because of when she was added time management issues weren't much of a factor for Kinda. My guess is he may not have noticed or if he did he didn't care.

Was the other couple always poly. Did/does the wife have other partners?

I'm assuming you would describe your other 2 relationships as being quality romantic and quality friendships and have also been described as secondary's. Why couldn't you achieve the same quality as you have with the other partners.
I guess the question would be how would you describe the nature or quality of the relationship of the the other 2 partners versus your husband. Is it casual dates and sex once a week or month...or do you spend time everyday, constant phone and text traffic and had a commitment ceremony. That arc is pretty big.

Maybe you are just grieving the loss now. You saw it 3yrs ago slip but had enough distractions not to have to process it. Perhaps being with this other couple who are on the verge of melt down has you looking at your own relationship with hubs differently. What happens if their marriage blows up? Where does it put you...do you have to choose...or continue see them separately?

Now we lost KINDA ..??? what the hell
I have to say you 2 are very polite to one another on here...not jumping to tell "the real story"...not the typical married couple struggling. Not sure if that's a good sign or a bad.
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  #83  
Old 01-12-2012, 07:39 PM
MrsPOd MrsPOd is offline
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"Was the other couple always poly. Did/does the wife have other partners? "

They've been poly for most of their relationship. His wife doesn't have any other partners.

"I guess the question would be how would you describe the nature or quality of the relationship of the the other 2 partners versus your husband. Is it casual dates and sex once a week or month...or do you spend time everyday, constant phone and text traffic and had a commitment ceremony. That arc is pretty big. "

I know that Kinda doesn't have his heart in our marriage anymore. I believe that my secondary relationships are stronger at the moment. I would prefer things to be the other way around.

I spend around 4-5 days a week with bf and gf. Each meetup lasts one or two hours. There's no constant communication going on.

"What happens if their marriage blows up? Where does it put you...do you have to choose...or continue see them separately?"

I'll most likely remain single.

"Now we lost KINDA ..??? what the hell "

All of the people here hurt his feelings, so he's not going to use this site anymore.

I'm kidding. He's busy with his job. "There's a notable increase in fatal domestic violence during and just after the holidays". That's his excuse.

"I have to say you 2 are very polite to one another on here"

We're polite to each other at home too.
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  #84  
Old 01-12-2012, 08:08 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsPOd View Post
"Now we lost KINDA ..??? what the hell "

All of the people here hurt his feelings, so he's not going to use this site anymore.

I'm kidding. He's busy with his job. "There's a notable increase in fatal domestic violence during and just after the holidays". That's his excuse. .
Well played MrsPod!
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  #85  
Old 01-13-2012, 05:03 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Are you then assuming your marriage is over ? Being single?

Do you subscribe to the hierarchy of relationships ? Or have you tried to make all three of them more or less equals.
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  #86  
Old 01-13-2012, 07:34 AM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsPOd View Post
I know that Kinda doesn't have his heart in our marriage anymore. I believe that my secondary relationships are stronger at the moment. I would prefer things to be the other way around.

I spend around 4-5 days a week with bf and gf. Each meetup lasts one or two hours. There's no constant communication going on.
I loose interest in my marriage too when my husband is away 4-5 days a week. When it's work related, I have to force myself to work on it even harder, but when it's for personal reasons, I sorta don't see the point. What is Kinda's love language (quality time maybe)? If you want your marriage to change, you may need to find out what those are. It can make a huge difference.
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  #87  
Old 01-13-2012, 03:21 PM
MrsPOd MrsPOd is offline
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"Are you then assuming your marriage is over ? Being single? "

I'm doing everything I can to strengthen our marriage, but if my husband divorces me than I'm okay with being single.

"Do you subscribe to the hierarchy of relationships ? Or have you tried to make all three of them more or less equals. "

I try to treat them equally.

I feel that you made a good point earlier on. There can be a strong element of favouritism even amongst polyamorous relationships where everybody is supposed to be equal. I am most likely more loyal to my husband.

"I loose interest in my marriage too when my husband is away 4-5 days a week."

Kinda is at home everyday.

Last edited by MrsPOd; 01-13-2012 at 03:25 PM.
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  #88  
Old 01-13-2012, 03:37 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsPOd View Post

"I loose interest in my marriage too when my husband is away 4-5 days a week."

Kinda is at home everyday.
I think her point was that if you are spending 4-5 days a week with your other lovers and Kinda is home everyday, it might make sense that he is feeling less committed to your marriage.

I see my boyfriend once a week unless we are all working on a particular project in the workshop. Most of the time it isn't feasible to see him or our girlfriend more often. But they insist that they don't want to take away from our quality time. Even when we were planning our most recent table top game, Wendigo's first question was "when is date night again?" referring to my and Runic Wolf's date night. Are your OSO's committed to promoting the health of your marriage?
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  #89  
Old 01-13-2012, 03:50 PM
MrsPOd MrsPOd is offline
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"I think her point was that if you are spending 4-5 days a week with your other lovers and Kinda is home everyday, it might make sense that he is feeling less committed to your marriage. "

Oh. That makes much more sense.

I used to spend more time with my husband and less time with my OSOs. It used to be around 2 times a week when we first started dating. It slowly increased when Kinda got his girlfriend.

"Are your OSO's committed to promoting the health of your marriage? "

Initially, yes. In the present day, no.

They've become more distant.

Last edited by MrsPOd; 01-13-2012 at 03:52 PM.
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  #90  
Old 01-13-2012, 03:51 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
I think her point was that if you are spending 4-5 days a week with your other lovers and Kinda is home everyday, it might make sense that he is feeling less committed to your marriage.
Yes, this!

He's home every night, but is he getting "date nights" 4-5 nights a week with you also?
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