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  #61  
Old 01-04-2012, 03:37 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Vin, interesting thought. Not really knowing in this case ... but to guess I'd say that discussion probably occurred after a long period of struggle which landed them in counseling which forced him to articulate it that way.

The fact that a marriage relationship that includes kids and assets is not as easy to walk away from (for most)...and thus these statements and preferences have to be vocalized. Which you are correct seem unnatural in the context of childhood friends.


Kinda, I see Mrs K likes to keep her cards close to the vest. Her user name could be inspired by you KindaVP .....clue we just talk about it.
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  #62  
Old 01-04-2012, 10:01 PM
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Please create your own accounts. It takes two seconds so there is really no reason why you shouldnt. Thank you
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  #63  
Old 01-04-2012, 10:25 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KindaPOd View Post
Don't remember asking for affirmation. Just asked if I was a bad person or not. Not being a bad person doesn't necessarily make me a good person.
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Originally Posted by KindaPOd View Post
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I think that, with lots of self-examination and a real willingness to feel vulnerable, you can do the inner work necessary to arrive at a place where you feel relief and being at peace with yourself, where you are no longer angry at her, and even a place where you can re-write your ideas of what marriage is "supposed to be" and be happy with that.
Already did that years ago. That's when I reached the "weary" stage. But I guess I could reopen the flood gates.
Oka-a-a-a-aaay. Well, I must admit, I really don't know why you came here and started this thread. It doesn't seem like a very productive or satisfying thing to join an online community just to ask if "neglecting your wife" makes you a bad person. The only answers to a yes or no question are yes or no. Big deal, we're a bunch of strangers so why care if it's yes or no to us?

But when anyone here has suggested talking, looking inward, you say you've been there, done that. Ho hum. You say you're not angry, and the whole suspicion about whether your wife cheated is water under the bridge, although you keep mentioning it. People have said it sounds like you're being vengeful, passive-aggressive, and whatnot, and you say it's possible, but you don't seem like you're really getting anything out of this conversation.

If you want to see your gf as primary and your wife as secondary, what's stopping you? Other poly peeps have done that, and I don't really think it matters much what other people do or approve of anyway, if something feels right for your situation. It seems you already feel that way about them, so what is the problem? If it is your wife's objections, what do you need from us? We've suggested talking to her and you say that it's all been talked out already. You might invite her here to join this discussion, but what are you looking for in doing that? Also, have you thought about not abiding by any hierarchy and just relating to each of them as individuals without needing a specific poly role/title?

I am wondering: what is it you really need or want from coming here and posting about this? Opinions, suggestions? What's the point? I feel like everyone has been told pretty much that they're a bit off the mark, so maybe what you really want is just to vent or blog about it and not ask for anything from us. Do you think that would be a better option here for you?
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Last edited by nycindie; 01-04-2012 at 11:33 PM.
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  #64  
Old 01-05-2012, 12:00 PM
KindaPOd KindaPOd is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Vin, interesting thought. Not really knowing in this case ... but to guess I'd say that discussion probably occurred after a long period of struggle which landed them in counseling which forced him to articulate it that way.
That's right.

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I am wondering: what is it you really need or want from coming here and posting about this?
I just posted this for the same reason that (I'm guessing) most people post stuff. Trying to get different perspectives.

Does it seem like I'm brushing everyone off? 'Cause most of the posts here are good brain food for me.

Wife will be on soon.

Last edited by KindaPOd; 01-05-2012 at 12:02 PM.
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  #65  
Old 01-05-2012, 12:19 PM
MrsPOd MrsPOd is offline
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Hello everyone.
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  #66  
Old 01-05-2012, 01:58 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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hello, and welcome. Didn't like my idea huh.


First question ....what did hubs leave out, forget, or wont acknowledge?
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  #67  
Old 01-06-2012, 02:09 PM
MrsPOd MrsPOd is offline
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My hubby was thorough.

The only thing I can think of was that he moved out for 3 months when he thought that I was having an affair. He admits that this wasn't the best way to handle the problems in our marriage.

I did like your idea, my dear.
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  #68  
Old 01-06-2012, 02:38 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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I glad you like it...but I think you were wise not to use it...always would lead to a long and complicated story. Plus it might set the wrong tone. But it did give me a great idea for a garage band name ....What do think SG.

how long did you date each other? how did you meet?

If I got the time line right in my head ...you got married and with in the first 6-8 months there's trouble ...we now learn he moved out...then you open up marriage.

Why did he move back in? ... or Why did you move back Kinda.

When and how did the child come along through this?

Do you feel poly (whatever that means) ...or could this be situation and event specific? Meaning if you had met the boyfriend earlier things would never turn out the way they did. Or if this ends in divorce will you try to find additional partner? Or things stay the same and once your child is gone you feel you need to add a third.

How much time, and attention do you spend with each? Whats that split look like. What did it look like at the beginning?
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  #69  
Old 01-06-2012, 06:02 PM
KindaPOd KindaPOd is offline
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Quote:
Why did you move back Kinda.
Love.
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  #70  
Old 01-07-2012, 12:39 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
I glad you like it...but I think you were wise not to use it...always would lead to a long and complicated story. Plus it might set the wrong tone. But it did give me a great idea for a garage band name ....What do think SG.
Due to lack of ha-ha on here, ( and the twitch Mags gets when we converse,) I can`t repeat the train of thought it lead me to.


So now the OP says ' Love' brought him back.

Ok, can we skip all the guessing, and just get to the point where he forgot about love bringing him back to her ? Its starting to sound like the live version of a Taylor Dane song.

OP, love brought you back, but what happened from there ? You lost it in a poker game ?

For the record, I don`t think you are brushing anyone off. Otherwise, I wouldn`t bother responding in this thread. However, it is VERY clear that 'something' is unresolved, for you to forgive your wife, move back in because of love, but slowly fizzle out the way you have.

Time to get dirty, and find 'it'.

As said before, we can all learn from mistakes, and be better people.
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