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Old 12-14-2011, 05:15 PM
Smokey3 Smokey3 is offline
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Hi! I was married over 25 years when the discovery of husbands affair caused us to move 200 miles apart. Very painful and ugly. Fast forward 6 years- still married, we have become good friends, neither of us has been willing to end our relationship, see each other a few times a month - talk almost every day, spend holidays together, care about each other, etc as best I can tell we have a living apart together relationship.
Some intimacy but not a lot involved. More like best friends.

The other day he told me he wants to date other women and I can do the same. Wanted to be open about this to avoid any hurt or guilt , I have not tried to control his personal life anyways in the last several years nor asked for or about it as far as others women are concerned.
He wants this to be a don't ask - don't tell arrangement and promises to be safe. I pretty much feel I can deal with that emotionally now.
Any advice is appreciated?? I guess this is than a poly lifestyle? Not even sure .
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Old 12-14-2011, 10:16 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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It sounds like you and he are friends so why did he ask for your in put? Does he see it differently?
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Old 12-14-2011, 11:05 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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After the affair and the 200 mile move hasn't everyone operated under an informal DADT. So really what's changed.
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Old 12-14-2011, 11:24 PM
Smokey3 Smokey3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
After the affair and the 200 mile move hasn't everyone operated under an informal DADT. So really what's changed.
I guess neither one of us were brave enough to broach this subject. I have had only a couple very brief encounters with others in the last several years. Not sure about him - we have only started being intimate last year and friends the last 3. I guess he wanted to let me know so as not to feel guilty. I really did not know where he stood and did not ask. I am not sure about how I feel about this - whether we can still be intimate or just friends is the best answer. We do talk about someday retiring together. Is this just crazy or could it work? I was willing to cut him loose totally as far as any relation with me other than staying married to keep health insurance, but he is afraid to loose me as well.
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Old 12-15-2011, 12:04 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Will this dynamic provide you a happy and fulfilling life? Or will it hinder you from finding the relationship you need or desire. Life gets short fast ....do what you want in this ...trust your gut....make yourself happy.
Good luck D
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Old 12-15-2011, 12:10 AM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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... and don't worry about if anyone else will think it's crazy. If it works for the two of you that's all that really matters. Good Luck!
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Old 12-15-2011, 07:19 AM
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I don't see why this couldn't work. It sounds like he is a friend with benefits, or an intimate friend that is giving you the heads up that he is on the prowl again. Nice of him to say so. Just remember to use protection.
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Old 12-15-2011, 11:20 AM
Smokey3 Smokey3 is offline
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Default Thank you

Thanks everyone for the advise. I appreciate it and will continue with our relationship as it is for now. Tho I have told him that we can not dictate when either of us might fall in love if seeing others.
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Old 12-15-2011, 12:02 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Would it be a problem if either you or he fell in love with someone else? This is where dadt really breaks down for me, is when you start having to cover up the fact that someone is emotionally significant in your life and you're maybe even making decisions based around them...
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  #10  
Old 12-15-2011, 02:43 PM
Smokey3 Smokey3 is offline
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Default Not sure ????

I am not sure, he says he will not let any other interfere with how our relationship stands, but I am kind of skeptical of that. Also I am not sure how he will address his situation with anyone else, I guess I will ask him. Me I would tell anyone I meet my situation. I cannot lie and don't want to, if something became very serious I would have to tell my husband as well.
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