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Old 12-07-2011, 03:46 AM
Stormbeta Stormbeta is offline
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Default Not sure what to do

I'm currently in a relationship (C), and both of us find the concept of polyamory appealing / natural for us.

I have another close friend (F) who I've talked about a relationship with in the past and decided against it at the time. This friend shares many of my views on gender and relationships, but I have no idea if she'd be okay with a polyamorous relationship (and I'm not sure she does either).

This friend (F) and my current partner (C) are already friends. More importantly, one of the major reasons my friend (F) and I decided against a relationship was she wanted someone as a creative outlet, and while we worked well in other respects, that was something I couldn't really provide. My current partner (C) on the other hand could, and probably will as a friend (to F) even if I do nothing.

In addition, my friend (F) has occasionally admitted she sometimes regrets not giving things a chance in the past, and she hasn't had much experience with relationships.

All of this leads to thinking that I should suggest the idea of bringing my friend into my current relationship (with C), probably with me as the hinge. This isn't something I'd bring up until my existing relationship (with C) stablized (we're still very much in the NRE phase) of course.

Weighing out the possibilities suggests that it wouldn't wreck things just to bring it up, but I still have very mixed feelings about it. My friend (F) is prone to my influence, and the last thing I want to do is pressure her into anything, especially by accident.

There's nothing wrong with my current relationship (with C), I'm not looking to patch up any issues with it by doing this; indeed my current relationship is quite healthy and likely to stay that way regardless of what I bring up, I'm more worried about alienating my close friend.

Last edited by Stormbeta; 12-07-2011 at 04:05 AM. Reason: Added aliases
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Old 12-07-2011, 03:56 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi there. Don't know why, but I'm very confused. Are there two friends and a partner? Can you give the people aliases or names or some other way to identify who you're referring to?
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Old 12-07-2011, 04:05 AM
Stormbeta Stormbeta is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hi there. Don't know why, but I'm very confused. Are there two friends and a partner? Can you give the people aliases or names or some other way to identify who you're referring to?
Sorry about that, I've added aliases. There's just my current partner and one close friend, not two.
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Old 12-08-2011, 08:21 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormbeta View Post
There's nothing wrong with my current relationship (with C), I'm not looking to patch up any issues with it by doing this; indeed my current relationship is quite healthy and likely to stay that way regardless of what I bring up, I'm more worried about alienating my close friend.
Since this is how you feel, you might want to start by talking about these thoughts to C. You two could together think about whether the possibilities of this situation are something you wisht to pursue. You don't need to bring this up to F before you decide on that.

If this is something you decide you would like to try, you might want to start talking to F first about poly in general, and see how she feels about that. But in the end there's no way to know if she would be open to it other than to ask.
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Old 12-10-2011, 06:52 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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I would definitely talk it over with C before approaching F. My husband, Runic Wolf, and I made it no secret to our friends that we were poly and had a healthy sex life and relationship as far as we were concerned. I believe our being open about ourselves made things easier for Wendigo to approach me asking if I'd be interested in discussing the possibility of us becoming FWB. He had already talked things over with Pretty Lady, his wife, and after a couple weeks of pretty intense conversation, I agreed to give it a try. I am very glad that I did and the relationship has evolved from FWB to a loving relationship between all four of us. You honestly never know until you communicate.
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