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Old 08-05-2015, 11:52 PM
vansername vansername is offline
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Question Experiences being Poly and Christian

I was hoping there might be some Poly Christians who are out and willing to share their experiences. My religion is important to me, and it's the main thing holding me back from coming out as poly to everyone. It is also the reason I've been too afraid to come out to my parents. My mother is bi and knows and accepts the fact that I identify as pansexual and that my only current partner is a transmale, but, I'm really afraid because I don't know how she feels about polyamory.

Also, are any of you out to members of your congregations? What's that been like?

Last edited by nycindie; 08-06-2015 at 01:01 AM. Reason: merged duplicates
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Old 08-07-2015, 01:08 AM
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Hi vansername,
Welcome.

I am atheist, but come from a Christian background, and am interested in discussing spiritual and religious matters. I mostly haven't come out to anyone yet; the few I have come out to aren't what you'd call religious. So I don't know what coming out to one's church/congregation would be like.

I hope to be out to all and sundry someday. My family is quite conservative but they've been known to be able to open their minds when called upon. Ahem, most of them anyhow.

What will you do? Will you come out to your mom? You could ask her how she feels about poly before you actually tell her that you're poly, right? Is that something you would consider?

I wish you the best, and hope we can talk.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 08-09-2015, 05:36 PM
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Default Fidelity

Perhaps the intersection of religious traditions and the forums on-going discussion about being both faithful to Christ and in an open relationship is faithfulness.

I've been interested to see if same sex marriages have the same issue as marriages that aren't same sex. The statistics on divorce rates seems inconclusive.

I wonder if there has been any research to determine if open relationships have done a better job dealing with faithfulness than closed ones?

Is faithfulness less of a concern in polymorous relationships? From what I can tell it seems to be equally important. But what is faithfulness?

In my mind the foundation of being faithful is being honest and transparent with my wife.

I've been to a number of men's church groups where the men discuss the pain they are experiencing because they like other women. I've heard repeatedly that it is best not to discuss this issue with a wife.

For me not telling my wife, or asking for her help about something as important as my interaction with other women is being tremendously unfaithful to her.
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Old 08-09-2015, 06:20 PM
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According to Wiktionary, "faithful" means
  • loyal; adhering firmly to person or cause,
  • having faith,
  • reliable; worthy of trust,
  • consistent with reality,
  • engaging in sexual relations only with one's spouse or long-term sexual partner.
It can make all the difference in the world which definition you use.
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Old 08-09-2015, 07:28 PM
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Default The line in the sand

I don't know you personally but I have developed a friendship with you. Friendship is in no small part an effort to be faithful.

I don't believe I need to be engaging in sexual relations with you to be a faithful friend.

Engaging in sexual relations with one's spouse or long-term sexual partner might not be physically possible.

My favorite story of a man who encouraged his wife to have a lover had to do with his injury making it impossible for him to be sexual either physically or emotionally.

My definition of faithfulness is being honest and loyal.

Interesting that even Wiktionary definition is in keeping with the majority of our culture's religious community. I would never think of Wiktionary of being religiously conservative.

My greater question is do you think that other than being sexual with one partner those of us who are in open relationships are more faithful, the same or less than those who adhere to the strictest interpretation of marital fidelity?
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Old 08-09-2015, 08:53 PM
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All I can tell you is that I am in a poly-fi V, and, I consider the three of us to be faithful to each other. Does that make sense?

As for Wiktionary, its contents depend on volunteer work. Similar to Wikipedia. Wikipedia has a brief article on faithfulness, in which it says, "It may be applied to a husband or wife who, in a sexually exclusive marriage, does not engage in sexual relationships outside of the marriage, a customer at a restaurant who regularly dines there, or even to God himself with regard to his perpetual love towards his children that is not dependent on their worthiness."

I'm willing to be flexible in my definition of faithfulness. Honesty and loyalty constitute a perfectly valid definition. Even in marriage, people don't have to speak vows that include sexual rigidity.
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Old 08-10-2015, 12:12 PM
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Default Emotional Affairs

The issue I've always had with using sex as the defining issue in a relationship is that there are other issues that are equally as important in a rewarding relationship.

I have emotional needs that my wife can't meet simply because she has not had the same experiences I've had and she can't relate to the issues that trigger my emotions.

I have several women who I'm able to exchange emotional issues with and together we love each other with reassurance and encouragement.

If my wife wasn't aware and supportive of my emotional affairs I'd would be unfaithful in a way that is equally as harmful as a sexual affair behind her back.

Again, I wonder if polyamory helps us to find creative ways with each other to avoid the pitfalls of being unfaithful, not just sexually.
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Old 08-10-2015, 05:35 PM
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I agree, poly can be a problem-solver.
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