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Old 12-08-2011, 07:22 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 669

Hi Rory,

Thank you for your advice. My SO and I discussed this recently and have agreed to try our best to help each other out.

How exactly do you act once you become angry and upset? Lashing out, blaming, passive-aggressive?
I become controlling. Having plans changed on me suddenly and in a way that I feel is dismissive feels like it takes some of my autonomy away from me. And then I become controlling. It's really stupid things like demanding hugs or sitting up and talking or that we eat at a specific time - none of which are normally important to me.

This causes specific problems because my SO for very understandable reasons has a similarly problematic emotional response to being bossed around.

It can be hard for both of us to take a step back and be reasonable with each other. But your advice to take a step back and try not to react with annoyance is good - we often do best at discussing these things if we are able to wait a few days (mostly because I am able to be more reasonable about discussing what happened).

We keep trying and we think we are making progress with it.

Thanks for all your thoughts and advice. I will keep all of that stuff in mind.

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Old 12-13-2011, 06:00 PM
veronique veronique is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6
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I highly recommend getting some books on dialectical behavior therapy/cognitive behavioral therapy. It's used to treat, among other things, borderline personality disorder, which frequently involves uncontrolled emotional responses.

I have had problems with this in the past - and like you, I get extremely grumpy about plans being changed. I've learned to use DBT/CBT to deal and it's had an enormously positive impact on all my personal relationships.

I realize I sound like a marketer, but these techniques have really made a huge difference for me!
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arguing, time management

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