BDsm

[Breathesgirl]

Originally Posted by korindino

This.


Anyone with a bigger dominant streak have anything I can share with Alex, just to see if I *can* teach him?

A lot of times (dare I say most times?) the person needs to be Dominant in their personal life as well, not just bedroom or kink.

You've heard the term 'true submissive?" (HUGE squick factor here btw. I HATE that term!) Some people claim that you can only be submissive if you it is in your blood, who you were born to be....BULL!!!!!

I do believe, though, that there is a Dominant or submissive trait in all of us. Some have one or the other and some have a little bit of both.

Some things you can teach: properly wielding a flogger or cane, for example.

Some things can't be taught: how to Dominate someone. (There can be a fine line between domineering and Dominating though)

He just may not be able to Dominate the two of you. The chemistry may not be right for that to happen.

There are some people who can only submit to a certain type of person, to a certain gender, etc.

I can only submit for certain things...I will gladly submit my body for a flogging as long as the person I'm submitting to has my trust. Getting to me to submit as, say, a house maid????? Forget it! Ain't gonna happen!

Maybe he's a Top as opposed to Dominant. He can play with someone till the cows come home but is just totally unable to Dominate someone for what ever reason.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl

A lot of times (dare I say most times?) the person needs to be Dominant in their personal life as well, not just bedroom or kink.

You've heard the term 'true submissive?" (HUGE squick factor here btw. I HATE that term!) Some people claim that you can only be submissive if you it is in your blood, who you were born to be....BULL!!!!!

I do believe, though, that there is a Dominant or submissive trait in all of us. Some have one or the other and some have a little bit of both.

Some things you can teach: properly wielding a flogger or cane, for example.

Some things can't be taught: how to Dominate someone. (There can be a fine line between domineering and Dominating though)

He just may not be able to Dominate the two of you. The chemistry may not be right for that to happen.

There are some people who can only submit to a certain type of person, to a certain gender, etc.

I can only submit for certain things...I will gladly submit my body for a flogging as long as the person I'm submitting to has my trust. Getting to me to submit as, say, a house maid????? Forget it! Ain't gonna happen!

Maybe he's a Top as opposed to Dominant. He can play with someone till the cows come home but is just totally unable to Dominate someone for what ever reason.

Thank you for saying this. I think sometimes the terms get lost and aren't given room to grow into and out of. It seems that quite often domineering is what is thought of as dominant by some doms. I see that quite often. Its really a fine art to dominate. I am really not a top in my relationships but do dominate I think. Interesting to look at the difference.

I agree also that trying each role out is important to find the right fit. Its also important I think to be open to that changing. Having a hard and fast "rule" around ones role could possibly be damaging to oneself and others.

[maca]

I really have only begun exploring this role in LR and mines relationship. Im not really educated on the terminalogy. But I can say that being a Dom is not ( over all ) easy. Working on living a 24/7 D/s life with LR has many great rewards, but along with the rewards come responsibilites.

I began writting the collaring ceremony today , funny thing, the words and actions came to me while at church this morning. The sermon was about Love , Marriage and Covenants. If you take out the Kink , then IMHO a D/s relationship is the same as what the preacher was talking about this morning at church.

It strikes me as" sad" that people can put on blinders and only see things that they are told is the " only right way"......... So much LIFE that they miss out on.


Peace and Love
Maca

[PittDruid]

I found this on a kink site in a poly group. Just wanted to see what everyone thought about it. This was posted by a female.
"Do you think that OPP, unicorn hunting, closed triads, relationships with endless rules, and other such phenomena are signs of healthy relationships or a combination of male insecurity and misogyny? " I figured it was a interesting view point.(I do not agree since my wife has made most of the rules in our poly relationship.)

[Ariakas]

hehe..I am actually taking part in the initial discussion that spurred the one you are referencing. Very interesting and odd read ...

Do I agree that happens - hells yes...do I think it happens with all of them - hells no. By saying it does, that posted is removing a lot of power from the women who enjoy being in a triad/D/s/bdsm family. The choice to be a sub contains more power than the dom...it always will.

You have accidently removed some context from another thread where a woman is asking about finding herself a partner for her and her hubby. That series of posts is quite long. It content is also D/s eccentric which throws a whole other loop into the conversation.

I 100% understand where the op in that thread is coming from, however she is mistakenly insulting a lot of women, especially on a site like that, for giving up control of their rights and believing they are NOT choosing to be that way.

I find the original thread kind of ironic considering more than enough people are involved in the master/slave dynamic and can be 24/7...but she doesn't have a problem with that...

[SourGirl]

Awww,..I wanna know where the original story is now !

[Ariakas]

If I could pm you I would send you the link. I assume the site wasn't mentioned in the original post for some anonymity?...or just forgotten Either way I don't want to post it just in case it was left out on purpose

[LovingRadiance]

Interesting-I don't understand the question.

But from Ariakas reply-I'm curious as all hell.

Maca and I are working on the details of a 24/7 D/s relationship.

There is NO DOUBT at all that choosing to be the sub is actually GIVING me the power.

Now that may or may not be true for everyone-I'm not everyone and I'm not in anyone else's relationship.

BUT for us-it's sure as hell true-and no I'm not talking about "topping from the bottom".

As my Dom he is EVEN MORE responsible to ensure that he is not only meeting my needs but helping me to be the best person I can be. Instead of getting to run around and selfishly do whatever he pleases. (sometimes this detail kicks his ass-giggle).

But before you ever get to "24/7 D/s" you have this little thing called a "D/s agreement" which the SUB fills out. Hard limits, soft limits blah blah blah.
I get to write MY limits on there-he can agree or he can NOT BE MY DOM. SO yeah-sub is ACTUALLY the one holding the power.

Anyway-please return to the regularly scheduled program-I'm curious to hear more!

[Ariakas]

Gist of it

A woman on this site saw a post about another woman looking for a 3rd for her and her husband. While not specifically looking for a threesome, she was in a OPP situation I suppose. But by her choice. She doesn't want another penis but likes women... There is a D/s situation in there too...but lets keep the explanation simple.

This person took severe offence and started spewing a lot of hate towards the situation...fast forward to a new thread and she posted the above question...most people, men and women have taken offence to her belief that, regardless of what the other women are saying. That ANY women, involved in a one man multiple women situation, is obviously degrading to women. As some of you know in a D/s situation this can complicate things further.

Ok...the irony to the situation is her absolute reversal of the situation. At least according to the abundance of posts, she doesn't believe in simply evening the playing field, she believes it should be reversed....

Lastly, the funniest irony...on a site filled with slaves, masters, dominants, subs....people into water play, bondage, cutting etc...THIS is the most unhealthy "fetish" there. At least thats my feel. Of all the things to truly debate as "healthy"...a male in charge of women is seemingly more offensive than a guy who likes to be crapped and pee'ed on while being hung upside down and sensory deprived (my example btw...not from the site)...not that there is anything wrong with that, jsut using an extreme as an example.

I might have bits and pieces wrong, and I might be interpreting incorrectly, but thats how the OP in the thread comes across and has been interpeted by many people on the site. So I am just filling in partially what is missing from the top of this thread.

[Morningglory629]

Egads! Send me that thread because I am clueless! Not at all educated on these activities!