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  #511  
Old 10-06-2011, 12:13 AM
RunicWolf RunicWolf is offline
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Even though I like my kink, I have more vanilla sex then kinky sex. Not every session in bed, for me anyways, needs to be full of BDSM. Sometimes all I want/need is a good old fashioned roll the hay.

Also, I would never push kinky sex on someone who didn't want it. It just might not be there thing. Respect for each others wishes is something I take seriously, especially in the bedroom.

Trust is an important thing. You can't rush it, and the best things in life are worth the wait.
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  #512  
Old 10-06-2011, 12:15 AM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Sorry for my late entry into this thread. BrigidsDaughter sent me over here because she said I might be able to help out, as I'm most certainly the kinkier of the two of us.
I wouldn't say that you are the kinkier of the two of us, but I would say that you are the more experienced of the two of us and that is really what I was hoping you could contribute.

As for myself, I am a masochist with a dominant personality who enjoys bondage. I play paintball, participate in boffer LARPS (full contact, but not full force with lightweight foam weapons), and Dagorhir (full contact and full force, but with heavier padded weapons). Outside of the bedroom, pain invigorates me, energizes me, lifts my mood, and just makes me feel alive. Inside the bedroom, I've I've heard it referred to as having my batteries in backwards; as in the more/ longer/ harder you beat me, the more turned on I get and the more orgasmic I get. Intercourse after that leaves me "fuck drunk". I love teeth and nails in the bedroom and my guys love the noises I make. I enjoy when they draw blood; I love how my skin stings in the scalding hot showers I take for days after and will often experience "after shock" orgasms when my clothes rub on the marks they leave on my skin or from just looking at my reflection. I'm not to the point where I NEED pain to orgasm, but if I don't have some element of pain either before or during sex, it isn't quite as satisfying as when I do.

I'm definitely not naturally inclined to be submissive, but as a gamer, I can roll play just about anything so I have been working on teaching myself to slip into the roll of submissive.... why? Well, in part because two of my lovers are Dominants and if they are willing to beat me silly, than why shouldn't I at least make the effort to give them something that they need, even if it doesn't come naturally and my instinct is to fight it? I mean, what else does one do when there are 4 people in a relationship and the make up is 1) Dominant sadist, 2) masochists (our other masochist is not interested in getting into D/s), and 1) Dominant who has learned how to beat their masochist partners out of love? If you can switch, why not?

Runic Wolf and I actually had a conversation in the car today where I asked if it was better for him when he accidentally sent me into subspace after hours of flogging or knowing that I was willingly submitting to him. He said that for him it didn't matter. But for the other Dominant in my life, I think it does. I don't know for sure, but perhaps I will ask tomorrow night. But for now, I'm going to sit here with my slightly stinging ass until our son goes to bed and I can go back down to the workshop.... I wonder if our friends suspect that any armor or leather goods that we make are tested out on my ass before they're sold?

As far as sex is concerned; while not every session in bed needs to be full BDSM, I'd rather have some kink than none at all. Which makes me wonder why we've been having so much vanilla sex lately, but then I remember that when you're a parent, you take whatever sex you can get. To me, if I'm going to make love, be sweet and tender, skip the dirty talk in favor of sweet talk, that's when I want vanilla sex.

Last edited by BrigidsDaughter; 10-06-2011 at 12:44 AM. Reason: crossed posts
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  #513  
Old 05-26-2012, 10:32 AM
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rory rory is offline
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I've been thinking about kink a lot lately. I feel that I want to write about it, but I don't know what to write or where. This thread seemed like an appropriate place. I've had sub tendencies a long time, but I've suspected myself to be a switch for a while and confirmed it lately in exploring some of my dominant side. I definitely can enjoy pain, though it's complicated. Sometimes it's 100% enjoyment, the discomfort of pain is totally drowned into the pleasure of it. At other times pain can feel really.. well, painful. In a bad way. But still it also feels good.

Today I'm thinking that it's a strange head trip for me, to be under a person's domination. The mental experience is like nothing else. One minute I'm like "oh my god he really doesn't care if I hurt, he enjoys it, omg that's so HOT!"; and the next moment I'm "oh, he doesn't care if this feels uncomfortable to me ". It is strange to have completely conflicted feelings (not at the same time but within a small amount of time and in quite similar situations), in that I'm first turned on and then turned off by the same excact thing, i.e. seeing the sadism in my partner. I feel that I genuinely enjoy it, it gives me such pleasure to see my partner enjoy hurting me. I think that there's simply an occasional event when I need to be reassured that it is still not true, i.e., that my partner does still actually care about how I feel and what I want. I guess it'll never stop surprisising me that my emotional reactions can be irrational...

Overall, I feel good about exploring these things with people I trust and am comfortable with. Yet, it's confusing sometimes, because it's hard to know what you want when part of you wants something and another doesn't and both are constantly changing. Sometimes, I want something physically so much but mentally not so much. Sometimes it's the other way around. Sometimes I want is physically and don't want it at the same time. Sometimes some part of my brain is totally for it but another is not.

Blending dominance/submission in with something I feel conflicted about will affect it to make it more simple, but sometimes more complex in other ways. If I'm told to do something, I need to spend less time thinking about how I feel about it since that's not the point anyway. Yet if it goes far off my comfort-zone, I get more conflicted since I don't know at what point I'm supposed to listen to the "don't want this" part of myself when I also have the "do want this" part in me simultaneously. Then, it might feel quite interesting to try some things that feel somewhat scary when I'm the one in power, since I can decide very specifically what I do want and what I don't, in a different manner. I haven't explored much to that direction, but I would like to. Yet, I wonder if I will be able to take much pain at all since I'll have to push myself into it instead of having somebody else do that dirty work. That will be seen.

There is a big part of me that craves extreme comfort in everything, including sexual intimacy. Yet that is not something that I can realistically have with another person for various reasons, mostly because of the fact that there really doesn't exist a physical body that would resemble my gender-identification. My feelings about that physicality and my sexuality are in continuous flux. That is why I don't think it would be realistic to aim for total comfort at all times except by never having sex with somebody else. I could try to maximise my comfort, which would likely include (among other things) not having sex with anybody male anymore. It is something I have considered, but have always concluded that in the larger scale of things what I want is not to aim for never feeling uncomfortable (which is not realistic as long as I want my sex life to include other people besides myself) but rather to balance discomfort and enjoyment. For me kink gets me in mental spaces where I can incorporate discomfort into my sexuality in various ways. For me sex is as much about what goes on mentally as what goes on physically.
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Last edited by rory; 05-26-2012 at 11:03 AM.
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  #514  
Old 08-10-2012, 06:11 AM
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noisycthulhu noisycthulhu is offline
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Wow this is a huge thread. I won't go through it all (I'm up late enough as is) but I will throw in my two cents, just on my experience...

I'm young enough and inexperienced enough to believe that I have metaphorically shot myself in the foot when it comes to what I'm wired for, which I've been exploring within the past year.

I am a male minded female (that is happy being female) who has been called 'tomboy' for lack of insight... I am attracted to both males and females, where the physical line is down the middle and the intellectual leans towards men, who I just understand better.

Along with being 'bisexual', which is a sort of fad that ppl don't take seriously, I am very interested in a poly relationship with a man and woman. To have my pie and eat it too (ahh puns...)

Finding my ideal relationship(s) is hard enough, but I have found I am also into some specific light BDSM. I am a sub who loves to please and be directed, and I enjoy light pain (pulling hair, gripping, holding down, spanking etc) and some bondage, though I don't like abrasive ties. Some people wouldn't consider these kinks, but a lot more people do.

So as well as wanting to be poly with a man and woman together as well as some one on one (staying within the three of us), I am into more than vanilla sex. I would have to compromise greatly or be extremely lucky to get what I want/need. =_=

I understand that a lot of people are into BDSM as well as polyamory but it just seems nigh impossible to find what you're looking for. Sometimes I hate the way I'm wired, it just seems I'm making it harder on myself.

Perhaps if I was more the mythical hot bisexual babe it would be easier, as least to try out. But I'm chunky on top of everything else as well as being nerdy.

I'M DOOMED.

So there's my two cents, for what they're worth.
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  #515  
Old 08-10-2012, 06:34 AM
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Glitter Glitter is offline
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This is a greatly interesting thread. G is into a bit of D/S, with me being the Dom. I'm still very new to it, so we're slowly trying new things. Right now he is most happy with slapping, spanking, biting, hair pulling, etc. Being told what to do and where/when. Not a lot of pain. It's what he craves and needs from me, sexually. I'm actually getting into it, it's a huge turn on to tell him what to do I will read this more tomorrow once I have time. Thank you LR for starting this thread!
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  #516  
Old 08-10-2012, 06:47 AM
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noisycthulhu noisycthulhu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitter View Post
This is a greatly interesting thread. G is into a bit of D/S, with me being the Dom. I'm still very new to it, so we're slowly trying new things. Right now he is most happy with slapping, spanking, biting, hair pulling, etc. Being told what to do and where/when. Not a lot of pain. It's what he craves and needs from me, sexually. I'm actually getting into it, it's a huge turn on to tell him what to do I will read this more tomorrow once I have time. Thank you LR for starting this thread!
I forgot to mention biting in my post! Shame on me.

Being a sub is very tricky because there's a lot of trust involved plus it's difficult to get what you need when someone isn't intially inclined to be your Dom... but it's great to hear you're getting into it! ^_^ Good for you!
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  #517  
Old 08-10-2012, 06:53 AM
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Glitter Glitter is offline
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Thank you! I trust him completely, and he the same with me. I told him to bluntly tell me if I am crossing the line, or close to it. I don't want to hurt him, so I rely on him to tell me honestly. And so far, he's told me when something is not pleasant, so I know to not do that. I do hope one day to learn from others in person, but for now we're going slowly on our own
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  #518  
Old 08-10-2012, 07:11 AM
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noisycthulhu noisycthulhu is offline
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Originally Posted by Glitter View Post
Thank you! I trust him completely, and he the same with me. I told him to bluntly tell me if I am crossing the line, or close to it. I don't want to hurt him, so I rely on him to tell me honestly. And so far, he's told me when something is not pleasant, so I know to not do that. I do hope one day to learn from others in person, but for now we're going slowly on our own
Good communication is key. I also advise info like this http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733...erstanding.htm just to get ideas to slip more naturally into such things...
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  #519  
Old 08-10-2012, 07:11 AM
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Thank you! I've bookmarked the link and will study it tomorrow
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  #520  
Old 08-10-2012, 06:43 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by noisycthulhu View Post

I'M DOOMED.

So there's my two cents, for what they're worth.
Naw, you aren't. My boyfriend couldn't be Dom to me if you paid him-in so many ways. But, my husband, he enjoys it. It's not likely to find every detail of what you want/need in one person-but actually, opening up to having more than one person raises the chances of getting all of your needs met.

I'm a switch-and I am actually my boyfriend's Dom and it works out well. With him it's almost ALL psychological. Hes not into pain or bondage at all.

But, with my husband I am the sub and there is a little bit of everything thrown in there-except outright humiliation. That is a hard limit I laid out-no blatant and intentional humiliation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitter View Post
This is a greatly interesting thread. G is into a bit of D/S, with me being the Dom. I'm still very new to it, so we're slowly trying new things. Right now he is most happy with slapping, spanking, biting, hair pulling, etc. Being told what to do and where/when. Not a lot of pain. It's what he craves and needs from me, sexually. I'm actually getting into it, it's a huge turn on to tell him what to do I will read this more tomorrow once I have time. Thank you LR for starting this thread!
You're welcome. So long ago this thread was started! LMAO! I was surprised to see it pop up in the "todays posts" list!

Feel free to ask me anything if something comes up. there's LOTS LOTS LOTS I don't know-but I've managed to get a good collection of links to people or places who do.
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