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  #41  
Old 02-16-2010, 05:27 PM
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@LovingRaidiance..
There are definitely different schools of thought in this area. At home, in private, our BDSM "play" definitely will normally include sexual aspects/genital contact. Specific types of play are certainly genital-oriented.
However, we do sometimes (rarely) play in more public spaces or at friends' houses, and in those situations, it's purely non-sexual. So there are certainly different forms of play, and although sexual tension is often a by product, sex isn't.

@calicowgirl... munches are often "non-play" social only events.. definitely check out the rules regarding the specific ones you're near, but in my experience, they're a lot more about meeting people and exchanging conversation and ideas than play. Munches are, in many people's opinion, the best, "safest" way to get your feet wet and learn about the other people in your area that are like-minded.
Best of luck!
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  #42  
Old 02-17-2010, 12:12 AM
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Yep, munches/brunches in my neck of the woods are ALL about meeting people, bringing in the newbies in as non-threatening way as possible. Letting them introduce themselves, get introductions, have some conversation with like minded individuals, etc.

Generally munches are held in family type environments like Denny's or a bar and grille so fet wear and overt M/s or D/s behavior is discouraged so the group looks just like any other group who gets together every month or so to exchange ideas and network.

They are a great way to meet people local to you, have some great conversations about just about anything under the sun and just get an evening out and away from any kids who are under the age of majority in your area.

The strictest rule our group has for munches is that there are to be NO under 19's since some of the conversations can get a little bit too much for the younger ones. The only exception I've seen was a lady bringing her newborn so she would be able to socialize and breast feed at the same time.

When I first started going to the brunches (a different name for the same thing just held around noon on a Sunday) it was for some badly needed time away from the then hubby and two young kids. Adult time was a cherished thing, lol.

I strongly urge anyone to search them out in your area and attend some. Some of them will even have presenters, a topic or theme to discuss, etc.
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  #43  
Old 03-01-2010, 03:58 PM
lovebird13 lovebird13 is offline
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Default Finding my way

I met my first BDSM oriented friend last July. He's a switch and being with him was completely confusing to me. I adore him, but our chemistry has never been that easy. "Good morning! Great day for a good choking" completely threw me off!!! ha ha!

But it turned me on the the world and now I keep meeting people who are way more experienced.

I've been reading The new Bottoming Book by the authors of The Ethical Slut. It's a great book, very practical.

I've been playing with a guy who is also inexperienced and I've discovered that I really like being restrained. Not so much into pain. He's not a great talker so it's winding down as he has not complied with even my most basic requests for talking before and after scenes.

I like having sex after. I don't see the point in not, but I'm open to understanding that perspective.

My new love who I'm hoping to move into a poly situation with, is a very experienced dom and is also liking being a sub recently. It's an exciting time and I'm loving learning about myself from this perspective.
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  #44  
Old 03-02-2010, 08:54 PM
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Our girlfriend is a submissive and my husband is a budding dom. It's been hard for me to accept that this is a part of his life that I don't share--I have a desire to be all things to him. It's also been hard to see him hurting her, even knowing that this is what she wants, so I have a limited involvement. (I did once interfere with a scene trying to protect her.)

I love them both, and I want them to be happy and get their needs met, but I just don't get it, and sometimes that makes it hard to be the "vanilla" partner. I feel like I don't fit.

ETA: Okay, so I think this thread is for various experiences with BDSM, and I thought that my post was in keeping, but now I'm nervous. If it isn't, I'll delete.

Last edited by Lemondrop; 03-02-2010 at 10:37 PM.
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  #45  
Old 03-03-2010, 01:03 AM
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@Lemondrop, stay!

That's all for now.
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  #46  
Old 03-03-2010, 01:28 AM
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Not at all lemondrop!
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  #47  
Old 03-03-2010, 01:58 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Hey Lemondrop-how can it not pertain if it's pertinent to BDSM?
I created the thread right? (at least I'm pretty sure I did )
SO I call "your post is fair game". Hope that helps you with your nervousness!!!

On a slightly more serious note-I thought your post very helpful.
I am submissive, Maca is naturally Dominant. I don't get into the pain part of things, but even without that GG struggles with the whole thing. He finds the whole kit and kaboodle "silly".
That is hard on him, and me. Because for me, it's not a "sometimes" thing or a "game" it's an all day, every day thing-keeping in mind that yes I do make decisions all day long for myself because I am here with the kids as the only adult MOST of the entire day, there are CERTAIN things that I never do and there are certain things that signal it's M's time to retrieve control.

But it's good-especially in terms of poly-relationships to address the feelings/needs/concerns of a poly-partner who IS NOT into BDSM in terms of how the whole relationship dynamic needs to be handled.
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  #48  
Old 03-04-2010, 12:29 AM
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Well, if it helps, I loved When Someone You Love is Kinky. I thought it handled the subject kindly and in a fair amount of detail for someone who is new to it all, and it didn't give so much detail that you get overwhelmed. Way back when we first started seeing Asha, she handed us a book called (I think) Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns. That is a very exhaustive book, and I got overwhelmed after flipping through it and had to put it down. It's just too much for a newbie. Honestly, it's still a bit overwhelming to me now.

BTW, thank you everyone for reassuring me. I appreciate it!
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  #49  
Old 03-04-2010, 08:10 AM
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I love that book... so much detail and so much information on how to do things in a respectful way so as to not damage each other.
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  #50  
Old 03-05-2010, 12:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemondrop View Post
Way back when we first started seeing Asha, she handed us a book called (I think) Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns.
Screw the roses is a good staple for anyone getting into the lifestyle. It covers sadomasochism, domination, bondage, with a good balance between "how to" and "what's going on in our heads when we do this?"

As a testament to its ubiquitousness, when my husband and I moved in together, we were unsurprised to find we now have two copies :P
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