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  #391  
Old 01-26-2011, 12:53 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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  #392  
Old 01-26-2011, 12:55 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Wouldn't it just be frustrating to try to teach someone to be dominant?
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  #393  
Old 01-26-2011, 01:00 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Wouldn't it just be frustrating to try to teach someone to be dominant?
Depends on how they dominate.

yes vague answer, sorry, my brain is fried...sorry I can' tbe more specific...
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  #394  
Old 01-26-2011, 01:03 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Wouldn't it just be frustrating to try to teach someone to be dominant?

Maybe but not necessarily. This person has it in them. I wouldn't be teaching them to BE dominant, but rather HOW to dominate ME.
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  #395  
Old 01-26-2011, 01:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Maybe but not necessarily. This person has it in them. I wouldn't be teaching them to BE dominant, but rather HOW to dominate ME.
That's all together different then
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  #396  
Old 01-26-2011, 04:33 AM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
I have a new-found personal interest in the following:

What about a sub teaching a potential dom to be you know, "dominant" the way the sub likes it?

Is this an oxymoron, or not?

Feedback, pls.
Well, as I see it, Easy doesn't have any free time, so I research for him and teach him what I find out. In this way, I, the service-oriented submissive, am teaching him to be a dominant. I'm also figuring out what I like in the process, so I'm sharing that knowledge as well.

I just had a talk with Asha today in which she stated that she felt uncomfortable always telling Easy how to be a better dominant for her. I often try to figure out what she wants and share that with Easy, as well, though I'm trying to be careful what I do share.

Of course, it was this behavior that got me accused of topping from the bottom in the first place...
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  #397  
Old 01-26-2011, 02:34 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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If Dom/mes didn't need to be educated, there wouldnt be such books as these:

Recommended Books for Novice Dommes:
Bitch Goddess: The Spiritual Path of the Dominant Woman by Pat Califia and Drew Campbell
Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely by Bill Henkin and Sybil Holiday
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G. Brame, Jon Jacobs (Contributor), and Will Brame
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon
Sensuous Magic: A Guide For Adventurous Couples by Pat Califia
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
The Art of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women by Claudia Varrin
The Lesbian SM Safety Manual edited by Pat Califia
The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance by Mistress Lorelei
The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green
The Topping Book: Or, Getting Good at Being Bad by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt
When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt
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Mags, F, 60, poly-dating, loving and living with
miss pixi, F, 38
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  #398  
Old 01-26-2011, 03:28 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I have SM 101 and the Lesbian SM Safety manual (because of course lesbians have different safety requirements from everyone else, LOL).

Thank you for reminding me!
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  #399  
Old 01-26-2011, 04:04 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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In the past couple years, I've played with several men who styled themselves as Doms, but who bored and upset me because they were really just repressed assholes or douches who could only have sex in a tight controlled atmosphere. My needs and desires were not enquired about, and at least one of them crossed boudaries that had been discussed beforehand, or didn't deliver in certain areas he led me to expect he was interested in sharing.

This is a rather standard Dom website, and hetero focused but, imo, lays out some reasonable guidelines for how to be a good ("twue) Dom.

Quote:
Above all, the Dominant cherishes His submissive, sure of the knowledge that the gift she gives Him is the grandest gift of all. He is demanding and profits fully from the power she gives Him. But at the same times is sure to share the pleasure resulting from this treasured gift with her.

He is in full control over Himself as to exert power over others. As a strict and demanding Dominant He can bring real tears to His submissive. But as an accomplished lover, He'll kiss those tears away without leaving His role.

In times of trouble or problems, a Dominant will leave the roles (if need be) so He can be an understanding friend and partner, as He knows the relation between Him and His submissive is a loving one. He will never ask His submissive to put Him before her career or family just to please Him.

...To win the spirit, the body and the soul of His submissive He knows that first He has to win her trust. Therefore He shows her His humorous side, His warmth and His friendship. But at the same time He shows her that His lessons and guidance are worthy of her attention; that He is a man from whom she can learn and whose judgment she can trust.
http://webspace.webring.com/people/m...rdom/main.html
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags, F, 60, poly-dating, loving and living with
miss pixi, F, 38
also seeing
Punk, 41, M (dating since Oct 2015)
and a few more casual relationships
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  #400  
Old 01-27-2011, 06:38 AM
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I've been trying to explore some of my interests with O but he's just not that into it. I think he's got some top in him but it's just not his thing. I'm hoping I can magically procure a play partner of some sort. I'm going to a local fetish ball this weekend some I'm excited about that. I'm still kind of learning what I'm interested in and what not.
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