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  #31  
Old 02-11-2010, 04:43 AM
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LR, I hope you don't mind my bringing this thread up that I seemed to of taken over

my tersiary and his woman have decided that I am not an option sexually for him. She is mono and does not want him to be sleeping with other women, even if we had a long term thing. pooey. Apparently that might change.... ya right... not feeling it. Just feeling cast aside at the moment. Especially as I had to drag it all out of him. He hasn't surfaced from his NRE to bother keeping me in the loop. Just as well really as he has not being having safe sex and at least I won't have to decide how to deal with that.

On another note I am entertaining a new sub... he is almost 20 years younger than me, fit (which is good, because I intend to make him work hard for his mistress) and very keen to please me. We are talking on line and slowly getting to the point of meeting. I am very excited.
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  #32  
Old 02-11-2010, 05:01 AM
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Woman! When are you going to stop worrying about upsetting me? It's not so easy to do as all of that!!!
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  #33  
Old 02-11-2010, 05:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
LR, I hope you don't mind my bringing this thread up that I seemed to of taken over

my tersiary and his woman have decided that I am not an option sexually for him. She is mono and does not want him to be sleeping with other women, even if we had a long term thing. pooey. Apparently that might change.... ya right... not feeling it. Just feeling cast aside at the moment. Especially as I had to drag it all out of him. He hasn't surfaced from his NRE to bother keeping me in the loop. Just as well really as he has not being having safe sex and at least I won't have to decide how to deal with that.

On another note I am entertaining a new sub... he is almost 20 years younger than me, fit (which is good, because I intend to make him work hard for his mistress) and very keen to please me. We are talking on line and slowly getting to the point of meeting. I am very excited.
Sorry to hear about your tert, but at least now you know.
On the other note-congratulations. How is that going in terms of your other relationships?
I know that there are some newbies on here discussing BDSM relationships that are "secondary" to their main love relationships-they might be interested in knowing how you make it all work-especially Since Mon is.... mono. (I really like the nickname Mon, giggle)
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  #34  
Old 02-11-2010, 10:42 PM
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We have been negotiating for a long time. I told Mono from day one that I am kinky. It has never been a surprise to him. He was brave enough to go to two events where I let him take the lead as far as what he was comfortable with. He came with me and my tersiary the first time and watched us play. Even participated for a bit as my helper. The second time I worked on him and another woman. We spent the whole time together and played hard. He was collared and completely owned by me the whole time he was there.

He became interested in BDSM in terms of adding it to our relationship. During this time I realized that I was not satisfied with what my tersiary and Mono had to offer in it's entirety. Nerdist and I have long moved on to other things in our sexual relationship. I have a fetlife profile and modified it with Mono and Nerdists help. Added some new pictures and asked for what I want. I have had many replies but this one young man has really caught my eye.

In terms of how the two men feel about my involvement with others in a D/s way? We have negotiated the boundaries the same way as we have with other parts of our relationship. I have agreed to a no sex relationship with my subs. I am comfortable with that as I am not looking for more sex. I have been pleased that there has been response to my request just the same and that I can hold appeal without promising a sexual ending to my play times together with others.

I understand that sex is a part of BDSM sometimes and has it's place, but to me true submission and Dominance is about rising above that and using that energy to move forward and become more of each. I look forward to taking that energy and using it with the sexual partners I do have as I would hope my sub would. I also am hoping that I would have the chance to be someone in my subs life that they rely on for care of their needs in terms of sharing themselves. There is an importance that they can come to me with anything and I will be their guardian of sorts.

I hope that helps some,,, I have no idea what is being said in the other thread...
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  #35  
Old 02-11-2010, 11:00 PM
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You are awesome RP.
Hope your week didn't end up too much work with a sick little one.
Give everyone a hug!!!
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  #36  
Old 02-12-2010, 04:10 PM
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BDSM is an interesting subject for me. My interest in it from a more formal and cultural standpoint is tied directly to my relationship with Redpepper. Public events and learning about the culture is something I do to share with her and can be fun. It is not a culture I would embrace if I was not in a relationship with her, but then again neither is most sex positive or poly stuff in general. I learn more and more about sexuality and its diverse expressions though her but I don't have a passion for them independently. I'm much more private, focussed and one-on-one with sexuality. I am essentially a mono-vanilla-cracker..that is where my comfort lies. That is not where she is however and the power of our connection is worth me pushing myself in these areas within the core boundaries of our relationship. We often talk about how I would drift from the poly community if our intimate connection was broken, BDSM is not different. I would inevitably find myself back where my nature draws me.

Maintaining a positive and helping attitude towards pursuits that are not particularly comfortable to me at times is a way to ensure that our paths do not diverge. That is the mistake I made in my previous relationship. I supported the career path my ex-wife took, but did not involve myself in it enough to maintain connection with her.
It is nice to see your partner fulfilled but it is important to recognize who is being fulfilled. BDSM is not about my fulfillment. I accept it and want to help make sure it is done in a safe and healthy way for her.
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  #37  
Old 02-12-2010, 04:39 PM
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I enjoy BDSM play and love many BDSM communities because there tend to be some very cool people in them, but I was turned off of some communities because of some of the culture they have.

Franklin makes a great list of BDSM people that can be annoying and I have to laugh every time I read it:

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdfolks.html
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  #38  
Old 02-14-2010, 10:07 PM
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Question BDSM fits in strangely

Since I've just joined and don't know y'all well yet, I'm responding more to LovingRadiance's initial call for "thoughts, ideas, experiences, concerns, feelings, dreams, wishes, hopes, worries, frustrations etc on the topic", rather than replying specifically to everyone else's experiences (though it sounds like many of you are having awesome experiences that I'd love to hear more about!).

I live with my two partners, K and Z, and our relationship could be explained as a V formation. Z and I are both submissive, and K's vanilla but enjoys pleasing me. We're not exactly sure how it all works or how to satisfy each other, but we're figuring it out.

Z and I seem to be lifestyle submissives, but in completely different ways. His submission manifests as wanting to take care of someone, and mine manifests as wanting to be taken care of. He wears the apron, and I never set foot in the kitchen, and we both wind up feeling loved. In the bedroom, we each occasionally play the aggressor, boss each other around, etc., but we both prefer being the collared and scratched up one at the end of the day. I suspect we'd both enjoy more hardcore BDSM play, but we haven't found doms we'd want to claim us yet, and we're content to wait for them.

I'd love to hear more about how other people fit BDSM into their web of polylove, or don't.
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  #39  
Old 02-14-2010, 11:08 PM
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Saudade,
Welcome!
It's nice to hear another perspective!!!

Hope to get to know you better!

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  #40  
Old 02-16-2010, 08:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
my tersiary and his woman have decided that I am not an option sexually for him. She is mono and does not want him to be sleeping with other women, even if we had a long term thing. pooey. Apparently that might change.... ya right... not feeling it. Just feeling cast aside at the moment. Especially as I had to drag it all out of him. He hasn't surfaced from his NRE to bother keeping me in the loop. Just as well really as he has not being having safe sex and at least I won't have to decide how to deal with that.

On another note I am entertaining a new sub... he is almost 20 years younger than me, fit (which is good, because I intend to make him work hard for his mistress) and very keen to please me. We are talking on line and slowly getting to the point of meeting. I am very excited.
Things aren't going too badly, my tersiary is very much a tersiary now. We have talked at length, well at length for him anyways and I am totally okay that thing will be temporary as far as any kind of intimate friendship goes. It is unclear what will evolve. Apparently he called off our intimate relationship to help her feel comfortable as she is mono... in time they will see what their relationship holds and move from there... she was fine with me being in his life apparently.

The new sub is working out well so far and we are developing an understanding of what our needs are and what we could work on together. He is very excited so I have slowed it all right down to a dribble.... (poor boy, he must obey his possible mistress) there will be no quick of the mark, jumping in feet first stuff going on as I want to be sure that we are a good match. We have not met in person yet. But I am leaving that for a few weeks to catch up on some other things...
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