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  #361  
Old 12-18-2010, 03:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I would see pulling hair as more sadistic as anything, if I was to think about it. Its a pain process, not necessarily a submissive one.
I don't like my hair pulled for pain, I like it pulled so I can't really move my head.
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  #362  
Old 12-18-2010, 03:18 AM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I don't like my hair pulled for pain, I like it pulled so I can't really move my head.
Ever play with hair bondage. Can be quite beautiful and useful In the more complex form, I had a friend (bondage bunny) who was suspended, in part by her hair. Very cool to watch and see
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  #363  
Old 12-18-2010, 03:38 AM
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Ever play with hair bondage.
This is all pretty new to me. My husband was never into anything slightly kinky. I just have always known I like some bondage type activities, like handcuffs and restraints, whether it's me being restrained or my partner. But I haven't done very much of it. When it's me being restrained, I enjoy fighting against it, too, and struggling (a little). I like things like being blindfolded, having my hair pulled, wearing a tight corset, all of which has felt kinky enough for me in my pretty vanilla world.

Now that I'm getting divorced, I'm exploring this all again, but a lot of what I read about D/s turns me off. Although, some of it appeals to me. I was surprised the other night at how much I liked hearing, "Good girl," when I did something my date really liked. It was a response in me I hadn't expected to experience. I just don't like the idea of day-to-life in a Dom/Sub relationship. I like the potential of being overpowered in the bedroom, and although I am loathe to admit it, it's sort of like a rape fantasy -- but I don't like [much] pain. My date was a rather large man, at 6'5" and 280 lbs, so that came into play, too, feeling a little dangerous.

However, I am always very cautious about any of this stuff.
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Last edited by nycindie; 12-18-2010 at 03:46 AM.
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  #364  
Old 12-18-2010, 05:27 AM
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Really quick, I just wanted to say thank you for replying about the community and whether I should worry. I've already talked to Easy, and he said forget them, if he has a problem he'll let me know, so I guess my responsibility ends there. Asha isn't pressuring me, she just mentioned that she saw it and that she felt like we were being judged, and that's where it ended. I just feel a lot of pressure from myself to make things work for everyone, I guess.

Nycindie, what you're saying sounds a lot like I was a few months ago. If it's any comfort, not everyone is 24/7, and there's all different flavors of dom and sub, top and bottom, master and slave...it's mind-boggling.
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  #365  
Old 12-19-2010, 01:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Lemondrop View Post
Okay, so question for the people active in their local BDSM community. I'm worried, but maybe it's for nothing.

So I was talking to Asha today, and she said that she had seen me snub Easy during a munch we went to. I know that some of the people here are very judgmental and concerned with how "proper" subs and doms are supposed to act. I've been getting some weird looks that I can't interpret, and some people won't talk to me no matter how friendly I am. Now I'm worried that I'm not behaving in the accepted way, and it's affecting how we're accepted. Normally, I'd (probably) say oh well, I guess we're not friends. But this is important to Asha.

Easy says he doesn't care, I can be how I am and it doesn't matter if people accept me. How important are appearances? Should I be worried that I broke some code and now no one will ever accept me? I suppose that I could allow myself to be ousted for the good of the group, but it would be somewhat painful to be the only one who couldn't go to get-togethers. Actually, I'm not sure I could accept being the babysitter while everyone else went out. Maybe that's selfish.

How am I supposed to be acting? I was given the impression that I could be myself, but am I really supposed to be kneeling at Easy's feet?
I am a very non-traditional slave! If people don't like who I am, what I do, how Breathes & I interact they can just not be around us! I can be in a room with 200 people or 50 people and STILL avoid those whom I just do not want to be around.

If you or Easy are having a problem with how things are progressing then it needs to be addressed. If it's everyone else that's having a problem then it's THEIR problem.

Other people may not agree with our dynamic. Know what? Not OUR problem! I have full permission to tell these people where to go & how to get there IF they should say anything about it to me. Most people, at least here, have a little more respect for our style than to actually say anything.
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  #366  
Old 12-19-2010, 07:16 PM
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I've only really started exploring DBSM, in earnest, in the last year and a half. While I have been into bondage for the last 6 years and I had never really been able to explain to my husband just how much I really enjoyed pain (biting, spanking, nails carving into my skin, etc. are all huge turn ons for me), and the whole Dom/ Sub thing just freaked me out. Growing up in an abusive household I was never going to let ANYONE own me. This was especially difficult for me when the third party in our first poly relationship turned out to not want us as a couple, but instead wanted to be my husbands pet - to be completely owned and controlled by him and never have to think for herself. That relationship has long since imploded and for a long time we avoided the whole BDSM thing all together. However, time and life have a way of changing a person and 2009 was a year of self discovery for me, I think that we are finally making progress again. 2010 has been a year of me trying to convince the hubby and, occasionally, remind the boyfriend that I am ready to explore again - with both of them. So far I'm working with the hubby to meet my masochistic needs and the boyfriend on learning how to be a good sub w/o losing myself (which has always been my biggest fear). I'm not there yet, but I'm making progress and hopefully one of these days I'll be comfortable enough to play submissive for the hubby. After the fiasco with the ex g/f I had these nightmares of being forced to be completely submissive to him all the time - the whole woman know your place kind of thing. I can handle the idea of being a sub for him in the bedroom, but I'm much more comfortable being in control..... so I occasionally ask myself why I fell inlove with 2 dominant guys? And I get that I was wishy washy for a long time (almost 5 years), but now that I'm out and honest about what I want, why is it so hard to get my needs met?

Last edited by BrigidsDaughter; 12-19-2010 at 07:19 PM.
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  #367  
Old 12-19-2010, 07:20 PM
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Hey guys, I haven't read through this whole thread yet, but it has been very enlightening. Just wanted to say that I really appreciate being able to voice my opinions and questions without being shot down. I also hope that I expressed clearly that I was only discussing what appeals to me. I do try not to judge, although I have a hard time with some things I have read about. However, since this is a time in my life when I do want to discover with an open mind what I want for myself in relationships and sex, I am going to attend a "Novice" meeting next month at a really big BDSM support group here in NYC.

In the interest of research and understanding, of course.
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  #368  
Old 12-19-2010, 07:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
funny thing, hair pulling is a part of sex for me. It isn't a D/s thing. Its something I like...I don't consider it kinky. I also tend to restrain when having sex, I don't consider that kinky either.

I would see pulling hair as more sadistic as anything, if I was to think about it. Its a pain process, not necessarily a submissive one.
I also see hair-pulling as a sex thing. But it's not a pain thing for me, it's a restraining/power thing for me.
But I can see the very thin line that would change that.
Fortunately Maca knows I don't care for pain-so he doesn't take it over that line.

I'll keep in mind not to ask you for any internet hairpulling!
Just internet hugs!
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  #369  
Old 12-19-2010, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I just don't like the idea of day-to-life in a Dom/Sub relationship. I like the potential of being overpowered in the bedroom, and although I am loathe to admit it, it's sort of like a rape fantasy -- but I don't like [much] pain. My date was a rather large man, at 6'5" and 280 lbs, so that came into play, too, feeling a little dangerous.

However, I am always very cautious about any of this stuff.
I have always had fantasies about a rape scene. But I've never gone through with it-big trust requirement there (and the right partner).

As for D/s, whilst there are those of us who do it 24/7, I think you would find in some cases (mine for example) that what that means isn't what you envision.
For example, there is NO "yes sir" or "no sir" in my dynamic. NONE. Not in any place or any time and there are rules that pertain only to when we are in the bedroom and alone. There are other little things we incorporate in day to day life (like making the bed) which seem totally "normal" to the rest of the world, but who does the bed making is the point in our dynamic and it results in making the D feel special and honored. Likewise there are things that are/aren't done, like sitting on the floor in front of the D when watching a movie or hanging out in the livingroom. Again-in a house of 10 people where there are only 5 seats in the livingroom, that looks normal to everyone else, but it results in making the D feel special and honored.
It's not about the "WHOLE" of BDSM every day, all day long. That would take the specialness out of it.
But-yesterday I wore a specific necklace designed strictly to remind me and Him of our D/s relationship-which is in practice mode still. It had NO BEARING on the outside world, or even people who know us. But it resulted in making us both feel special and making me feel excited and turned on by him and ideas of what might happen later.


THAT SAID-you can always do D/s activities at whatever amount appeals to you.
You can always do ONLY the actitives which appeal to you as well.
It's all your choice, your life, your choice.

So if you only like the "good girl" aspect, figure out what things he likes that make him want to say that, that you also enjoy doing and throw 'em in when you want to!
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  #370  
Old 12-19-2010, 07:39 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hey guys, I haven't read through this whole thread yet, but it has been very enlightening. Just wanted to say that I really appreciate being able to voice my opinions and questions without being shot down. I also hope that I expressed clearly that I was only discussing what appeals to me. I do try not to judge, although I have a hard time with some things I have read about. However, since this is a time in my life when I do want to discover with an open mind what I want for myself in relationships and sex, I am going to attend a "Novice" meeting next month at a really big BDSM support group here in NYC.

In the interest of research and understanding, of course.
That's all excellent Nycindie! Not everyone can enjoy everything.

I have two separate and completely opposite D/s relationships.
In one I am the submissive and in the other I am the Mistress.
The first includes a lot of kink, bondage, but the second has NONE.

Two TOTALLY different partners, two TOTALLY different dynamics, abilities and interests.

Meet people, ask questions, take it all with a grain of salt.
Read, research and again take it all with a grain of salt.
Then create for yourself whatever makes you thrive in your relationships!
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