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  #351  
Old 12-17-2010, 11:21 PM
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From my perspective-all of those concerns that you are expressing;

Are the Dom's concerns to address, not yours.

As a sub.... it's not your place to concern yourself with ANYTHING but what your Dom wants from you, outside of what you expect of yourself.

So-while in "sub" mode at a party-it's not your place to worry about those things, it's his.

IF he has an issue with it, then he needs to deal with it. If you have an issue with it, you need to take it to him so that he can decide if it's an issue he warrants important enough to deal with.

(no disrespect intended of course-just sharing my perspective).


Example-if I am out and I am in Mistress (Dom) mode, then I am in charge of making all of those decisions and I take that responsibility QUITE seriously. It's NOT my slaves (sub) place to worry about it or concern himself with it. It's my RESPONSIBILITY to deal with it, not his.

IF on the other hand I am out and I am in submissive mode, then it's not MY place to deal with or worry about those things, it's my Dom's place. I don't even let myself think about it. I do naturally catch myself worrying about little details of things and how others may perceive them, but I force myself to swallow down the thought and simply obey him. Because that's the role I'm in. If HE doesn't find it concerning or worth his attention, then it's not.

The only caveat to that in both situations for me is that if the sub feels that they are being harmed in any way (emotional, mental, physical etc) they have a right to address it immediately. IF possible, I would always address it with my Dom-because I know he would address it properly and immediately. IF possible I would expect my slave to address it with me, because I would address it properly and immediately. BUT if it weren't possible to address it through the Dom immediately-then I believe the sub SHOULD address it themself-because it should be handled IMMEDIATELY.

Minor example of that is that ANYONE who tries to Dominate myself when I'm in sub mode or my slave, ever, will immediately be told that they are NOT the Dom and they are NOT free to do so-EVER. If my Dom is available, he would say so, likewise with my slave, if I'm available, I will say so. But if not-I have no qualms with giving that person an earful on my own as a sub or having my slave give someone an earful on his own.

If someone touched me/slave-again, immediately going to get an earful and quite possibly smacked silly-because I do NOT accept being touched by ANYONE in or out of BDSM. So that results in a hell of a quick reaction.
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  #352  
Old 12-17-2010, 11:41 PM
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It should really bare no influence on what chance Asha has at getting into parties. That is her influence that will get her into those.

There is really no difference to other social situations. Speaking as a Mistress that is no way submissive, I will not hang out with anyone who puts on airs and thinks appearances are what BDSM is about. After 15 years at this, I am thorougly convinced that BDSM happens in private and is a sutble thing in public. The pomp and circumstance is just that and fun as it is, has nothing to do with a real BDSM relationship as far as I'm concerned. My subs are would be requird to turn away from someone who thinks differently.

In a nut shell? Fuck em. Who cares what anyone thinks. Its not for anyone to dictate your experience or how you should be. If they do I would walk away personally. Asha can do as she will. Its nothing to do with you and her putting pressure on you is more of a sign of her own insecurity than anything else.
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  #353  
Old 12-17-2010, 11:45 PM
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LMAO Rp!!!

I almost wrote FUCK 'EM multiple times. But restrained myself. heheheheheh, thanks for doing it for me! heheheheheh, you know I love you right?

And, I second your thoughts-I don't do the public persona thing versus the personal at home thing.

I have two personalities-they co-exist. But I don't change them for other people's benefits.

No one matters but you and he Lemondrop. No one else.
If they bug you-tell them to bug off. If they are just out there having thoughts-let him deal with how to handle them. Not your problem, great being able to have something in life that isn't-takes time to learn to let it go-but you can.
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  #354  
Old 12-18-2010, 12:12 AM
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Hey, are there groups or communities that are into bondage WITHOUT the dominance and submission? The more I read about D/s here and elsewhere, the more it turns me off -- fascinating but just not my thing -- however, I've always loved playful light bondage, corsetry, restraints, etc. I had a date the other night and he instinctively pulled my hair, which got me so excited. Usually I have to ask for that. Anyway, I've never investigated that culture much because it always seems to be associated with D/s. But I would love to talk/share/get pointers with people who know where I'm coming from. Any ideas?
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  #355  
Old 12-18-2010, 12:15 AM
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nycindie
that's so interesting, everyone I know is into light bondage and not D/s!

Then there's me, I'm into D/s but ONLY with specified partners, never changes, ever. One includes light bondage, the other doesn't-at all....



I think if you look around you'll find that there are many different "types" of people in all sorts of varying levels of interest in the different aspects and parts of BDSM.
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  #356  
Old 12-18-2010, 12:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hey, are there groups or communities that are into bondage WITHOUT the dominance and submission? The more I read about D/s here and elsewhere, the more it turns me off -- fascinating but just not my thing -- however, I've always loved playful light bondage, corsetry, restraints, etc. I had a date the other night and he instinctively pulled my hair, which got me so excited. Usually I have to ask for that. Anyway, I've never investigated that culture much because it always seems to be associated with D/s. But I would love to talk/share/get pointers with people who know where I'm coming from. Any ideas?
Yes there are lots of people in bondage without the D/s side of things
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  #357  
Old 12-18-2010, 01:19 AM
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Yes there are lots of people in bondage without the D/s side of things
Hmm, well, I live in NYC, so I should be able to find them but I don't think they have groups and meetings like subs & doms do. At least I haven't seen any. I should check Meetup.

"Hello and welcome to our monthly light bondage meeting. Tonight's topic is how to lace up your own corset." Tee-hee.
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  #358  
Old 12-18-2010, 02:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hey, are there groups or communities that are into bondage WITHOUT the dominance and submission? The more I read about D/s here and elsewhere, the more it turns me off -- fascinating but just not my thing -- however, I've always loved playful light bondage, corsetry, restraints, etc. I had a date the other night and he instinctively pulled my hair, which got me so excited. Usually I have to ask for that. Anyway, I've never investigated that culture much because it always seems to be associated with D/s. But I would love to talk/share/get pointers with people who know where I'm coming from. Any ideas?
Here! I am incapable of or uninterested in being someone's 24/7 slave or Mistress, but I do love to either Top or bottom in play.
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  #359  
Old 12-18-2010, 02:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Here! I am incapable of or uninterested in being someone's 24/7 slave or Mistress, but I do love to either Top or bottom in play.
Cool, I was beginning to get frustrated with all the D/s talk. Even when I was on my date the other night and he saw how I reacted to having my hair pulled, he said, "Do you like being submissive?" and it was like a jolt, I immediately had a negative reaction. Something about that word. But when he held me down . . .
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  #360  
Old 12-18-2010, 03:00 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Cool, I was beginning to get frustrated with all the D/s talk. Even when I was on my date the other night and he saw how I reacted to having my hair pulled, he said, "Do you like being submissive?" and it was like a jolt, I immediately had a negative reaction. Something about that word. But when he held me down . . .
funny thing, hair pulling is a part of sex for me. It isn't a D/s thing. Its something I like...I don't consider it kinky. I also tend to restrain when having sex, I don't consider that kinky either.

I would see pulling hair as more sadistic as anything, if I was to think about it. Its a pain process, not necessarily a submissive one.
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