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  #291  
Old 09-15-2010, 03:59 AM
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Oh my dear, if you want help, go check out the blogs in my signature!

Seriously though-I love talking to you guys!
It's so fun to be able to be playful and tease AND have serious, deep, heartfelt, eye opening conversations with all of you!!

I've really missed you all these last few months.
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  #292  
Old 09-15-2010, 04:05 AM
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So when are you coming to visit? And I agree about the conversations.
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  #293  
Old 09-15-2010, 04:09 AM
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I don't know.

I am SO bummed out about the dramatic nightmare that happened.

I'm back in Alaska moping.

Hopefully we can get that figured out. I still have to get my stupid passport!
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  #294  
Old 09-15-2010, 03:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post



Honey, BDSM is like Polyamory-YOU define what YOU are willing to accept as boundaries for your relationship, whether it's what your poly boundaries are or what your BDSM boundaries are.
Nicely Put LR

The term Submissive is not a label I assosiate with my place in any community. For me it invokes a lot of the same reaction that I believe some poly people have towards the term Secondary. When Redpepper says it to me in play it is erotic/desired and appropriate for sure though.

BUT...in the BDSM community labels are a clear way of communicationg that I am for Redpepper and that I have no interest in dominating anyone.

For a moment, let's drop the labels and descriptions of BDSM. When we engage in play involving me being flogged or bound it is therapy as well as trust building. In this play the control and guidance of this process is primarily in the hands of Redpepper...she is the Therapist and I the patient. Unlike traditional therapy I do not reward her with money, I reward her with greater trust and therefore deeper love.

Just like with poly, labels only serve to communicate internal dynamics to the external community.

For some one who doesn't identify with the community they are essentially meaningless.
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 09-15-2010 at 07:14 PM.
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  #295  
Old 09-15-2010, 04:17 PM
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Thanks, Mono, that helps a lot and I need to think about how that applies to me. I think you might have phrased that in a way that I can wrap my head around.
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  #296  
Old 09-15-2010, 04:20 PM
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Thanks, Mono, that helps a lot and I need to think about how that applies to me. I think you might have phrased that in a way that I can wrap my head around.
Glad to be of assistance ....one other thing, greater trust and therefore deeper love means better and better sex
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  #297  
Old 09-15-2010, 05:22 PM
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Interesting discussion and no lemondrop, you aren't at all frustrating. I love your questions.

Just so you know though, a munch is a place to discuss BDSM and find like minded people. Its not a place of play usually. At least I have never known that. I would be surprised if they weren't safe and didn't learn something useful. Its a shame you aren't all going as it serves to demistify the whole thing and if BDSM is to be a part of your life, a little demistifying could go a long way.
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  #298  
Old 09-16-2010, 01:28 AM
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Well, I don't have any problem being a natural submissive to Easy and not worrying about anything else, but Asha is a masochistic submissive and so I feel that more research is necessary to understand her needs and also to reassure myself that she won't be hurt. Some of the things that she enjoys are triggers for me, and I want to try not to be afraid that she's out there, somewhere, getting hurt. Well, you know what I mean--in a bad way.

I contacted the local BDSM support group, and found out that we can all go have breakfast with them in a restaurant, so that is about the lowest-stress setting I can think of. I talked to Asha today about my concern that she isn't getting her needs met, and she agreed that it was a big deal and she'd just been trying to push it to the back of her mind. I felt good that I hadn't just let this go! She would like to go to the support group meeting, and will go without Sunday if she has to. I'm going to try to talk him into it, though, because I think it's important to her. The support group also has a mentoring program, which I think would be great for Easy if he decides he wants to go further with being a dom.

I think I'm finally starting to understand what the "definitions" are--I can accept that they're fluid, but I kind of needed somewhere to start, you know? I'm sure I'll have more questions as I go.
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  #299  
Old 09-16-2010, 01:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Interesting discussion and no lemondrop, you aren't at all frustrating. I love your questions.

Just so you know though, a munch is a place to discuss BDSM and find like minded people. Its not a place of play usually. At least I have never known that. I would be surprised if they weren't safe and didn't learn something useful. Its a shame you aren't all going as it serves to demistify the whole thing and if BDSM is to be a part of your life, a little demistifying could go a long way.
Redpepper, I knew that it said that it was just a get-together, but I guess I've known an awful lot of predators and not an awful lot of people in the lifestyle. I could picture a situation that was supposed to be safe but where someone could pressure Asha into something she wouldn't necessarily want to do. It actually happened to her just before we became a quad, and she admitted just today that she has trouble saying no. So funny, coming from someone who's usually very assertive and knows what she wants.
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  #300  
Old 09-16-2010, 02:48 AM
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I sent a note to the moderator of the local BDSM group mentioning that I was polyamorous, and I haven't heard from her since. Did I mess up? I'd really like to take Asha to the get-together this Friday or the next, which I just found out about, but now I'm scared that they won't approve of us. What should I have said? Would it be better if I just said that Easy is our Dom and we're both subs?
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