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  #21  
Old 01-05-2010, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by vampiresscammy View Post
practicalities - toybox or no toybox? if your lucky enough to have room/space for one and no little people to get into it, good on you, if you do need to worry of little ones, find somewhere they can't get into but close to where you like to play, and if you can't get an actual toybox, use a nice big duffle bag or anythign that easily holds your goodies but doesn't harm them (i.e. no scratching or denting of items).
instead of a toy box or duffel bag we use a suit bag! It hangs up if needed, things hang up IN it, it lays flat, holds TONNES of toys! Yeah, that's our toy bag!

Personally i've been a masochist for 20+ years although only the last 12 have had any consistency to them.

Sir calls me His scratching post because i LOVE to be scratched!

I LOVE to play in public! I'm an energy vampire so all those good vibes from everyone in the space just adds to my sub space & makes me one very, VERY happy camper!

As for the soft touch.....soft touch is sometimes even MORE painful, especially if you're a masochist who's craving pain & not getting it!

redpepper said:
Quote:
"I'm not going to take the beating without having an orgasm at the end." Am I shit out of luck in finding playmates that are okay with the no sex thing? I'm thinking there is a group of people that just want a certain level of play and that I will find them..
Heck no you're not SOL! More often than not, maybe 95% of the time, our play ends with my falling asleep! There ARE tops and bottoms out there who are in the scene strictly for the thrill of it, the taking or giving control, the TPE and have absolutely no interest in sex with their partner.

Someone mentioned having to buy all their toys....That doesn't fly around here, at least for the tops. Some of us enjoy playing with others, and there are some who go to these parties just so they CAN play with others, & those whom we play with MUST have at least the basics of what they wish to play with with them. We carry some of our own with us but ONLY those which can be easily cleaned, are cheap enough to throw away or can be given to the recipient after play time is over. The dangers of passing a disease to someone through sweat contact is below minimal BUT you never know if that toy has come in contact with blood or other body fluids. In other words it's not just the Tops or couples who travel with toys, the subs do as well.

Now that my thoughts on other's posts is out of the way (sometimer's disease here, lol)....i'm slave to Sir's Dominant side & vanilla girlfriend to His vanilla side. Yes, i'm collared & proudly so . I'm not an extreme masochist but i do love a good flogging or paddling, among many other things. Sir bought me a TENS unit for Christmas! WOOT! We haven't had a chance to play with it yet but i'm thinking that Thursday night i'll use it on Him since His back's been bothering Him a lot lately.

Now, on to other threads since Sir's working and my plans for the night fell through so I've got ALL night to go through what's here .
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  #22  
Old 01-05-2010, 10:51 PM
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Originally Posted by nikkiana View Post
I'm in the same situation. I lurk along with a few of the BDSM groups in my area on FetLife, most of them host munches and play parties... and it often feels like the discussion online is often about play party activities, so I know I feel intimidated to check out a munch because I'm not interested in doing any play that isn't totally private.
I would still go to the munches if I were you. Many people do not enjoy public play but getting together with like minded folks is almost always a nice thing. It isn't always about play. You can meet people at munches who think the way you do. Often times some of these people will host very small and private parties in their home. I know a few who do so and not even necessarily play parties. I've been to everything from afternoon BBQ's where everyone could be themselves, including fetish clothes, collars/leashes etc to full on seven course meals served by the slaves where there was no play at all.

Sometimes it is just really nice to be able to hang out with people who know and not have to watch what comes out of your mouth. First step in doing fun things like this is to get out there and meet others whether or not you have a desire to play in public.
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  #23  
Old 01-05-2010, 11:52 PM
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I'm off to meet my tersiary/intimate friend in a bit. We haven't seen each other in private for over a month. Since then he has developed a relationship with a woman where-by she has become his sub. It turns out he has not told her about nerdist and I. This weekend is a play party that he and this woman will attend, as will I and Mono (I will be a school principle and he a school boy... Grrr). We are about to negotiate what will happen next. I dom him and he doms her. I'm not sure on a few things like does he even want to engage in that with me? And does he want her to see him like this? Amongst other questions. I guess I am wondering how much I should ask for. How much does a tersiary/intimate friend who is domminated get to do? I quite often take control of him in these situations and if he is doing the same to her then how does that work? My domming him has increased every time and I am wondering if I should step back from allowing that? He has always enjoyed it as much as I have and loves doing what he is told and usually agrees but this feels different somehow. Hmmmm? I guess when we meet we shall talk all that out. Anyone have an opinion though?
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  #24  
Old 01-06-2010, 07:18 PM
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So it looks like we will be on hold for a bit while they figure out where they are at.
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  #25  
Old 01-07-2010, 06:14 AM
JonnyAce JonnyAce is offline
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sorry to hear this, although i'm sure all will be worked out in the end.
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  #26  
Old 01-09-2010, 09:44 PM
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DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
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Quote:
I'm in the same situation. I lurk along with a few of the BDSM groups in my area on FetLife, most of them host munches and play parties... and it often feels like the discussion online is often about play party activities, so I know I feel intimidated to check out a munch because I'm not interested in doing any play that isn't totally private.
I went to a munch last night that involved many people from FetLife. I've also said BDSM isn't exactly my thing so I was a little worried I'd be uncomfortable.

In fact, I almost have the opposite impression of what you're afraid of. There was almost NO discussion of BDSM or sex. I actually find it a little weird how compartmentalized it felt, honestly. Not weird in a bad sense but in a "that's odd, I'd have expected more".

I strongly invite you to check out a non-play munch (and they will be CLEARLY defined) if you're interested in exploring the BDSM community. I met a lot of really cool people last night, and even if I'm not looking for play and partners, mingling with folks who are in a niche community (a community none-the-less) and more sexually open was a very pleasant, tasteful and safe experience.
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  #27  
Old 01-11-2010, 02:18 AM
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So, I went to the play event that I have been gearing up for for some time. I went as a school mistress/riding instructor... it depended on who I was talking to One guy told me he was looking for someone to ride him and was all starry eyed looking at me.. made me wonder about that whole aspect. I will have to look into that whole culture more.

There was a young woman there dressed as a cat with stilletto leopard print shoes and booby socks with white fur around them. She wore white tights and garter belt and a little skirt of the same leopard print. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her legs!!! It made me almost cum looking at them...! She got tied up and suspended with those on and nothing else. She was very round and robust and I drooled like a child looking through a candy store window. I would loved to of run my tongue along those round legs.... I'm so dirty minded.... heh

So I played with Mono on a rack where it pulled his arms tighter by turning a gear. The chains were clangy and it was cold metal. He said he could not move one bit, which was a real thrill. I looked over to my friends at one point and they were all watching... I got all shy for a second and had to turn away.

I played with a friend for the first time. We had met earlier in the week to sort out boundaries and discuss what she and I like. I bound her to a spanking bench and chained up her vagina so that when I pulled on the chain it pulled nicely on the flesh between her legs. I was thrilled It worked out very well and she wrote me this morning to tell me she had really enjoyed herself. I was thrilled as this is what it is all about for me... my pleasure comes from my subs pleasure. I was a little worried ahead of time that our communication during the scene would not be strong enough, but once in it, it was very fluid and easy, comfortable. I hope she wants to play again.

I gave Mono a good beating on a ladder A frame by the end of the night. I completely bound him too it so that he couldn't move and whipped him with a cat of nine tails. I gave it all I had but he wanted more. I think I need more tools to play with as the ones I have only give as much as they can. Even if I give it my all, there is a limit to what they can do.

I have so much confidence now. All my apprehension earlier in this thread is gone. I have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do, but am thoroughly enjoying the process.

It was difficult to watch my tersiary beating the shit out of his new sub who he introduced me to last night. It was hard to watch and know that we are not playing right now. I was sad and emotional and I didn't watch most of the night. I forced myself to watch by the end and really took in what they have together. I am glad I did, because she is very different from me and I could see that she and he have a relationship that is different than mine with him. I bring other things to the table and I just have to be patient. He waited for me to say goodbye, which I thought was a good sign. I let him come to me all night and gave him a big hug and told him I love him. It was hard, but we will be okay.
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  #28  
Old 01-11-2010, 02:25 AM
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I have so much confidence now. All my apprehension earlier in this thread is gone. I have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do, but am thoroughly enjoying the process.
You were awesome! Everyone there took notice, Lilo. You really took care of our friend, before, during and after the scene. Great job!
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  #29  
Old 01-11-2010, 02:26 AM
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Originally Posted by DrunkenPorcupine View Post
I went to a munch last night that involved many people from FetLife. I've also said BDSM isn't exactly my thing so I was a little worried I'd be uncomfortable.

In fact, I almost have the opposite impression of what you're afraid of. There was almost NO discussion of BDSM or sex. I actually find it a little weird how compartmentalized it felt, honestly. Not weird in a bad sense but in a "that's odd, I'd have expected more".

I strongly invite you to check out a non-play munch (and they will be CLEARLY defined) if you're interested in exploring the BDSM community. I met a lot of really cool people last night, and even if I'm not looking for play and partners, mingling with folks who are in a niche community (a community none-the-less) and more sexually open was a very pleasant, tasteful and safe experience.
I had a similar experience at the first munch I went to hosted by local BDSM group last year. There was playfulness between those who knew each other for a long time but generally it was "subdued." That was the word long time members used to describe it in comparison to how the munches usually are. For subdued there was quite a few flashes of tat.

A lot of conversation about everyday things more so than BDSM.

Altogether, it was a fun experience.

The munches are meant to be welcoming and unpressurized to newcomers. The group we went to also has many other types of events including networking events with other NY BDSM groups, play events etc.

~Raven~
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  #30  
Old 01-11-2010, 02:27 AM
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Wow, sounds like you had a great time, redpepper. It also seems like you've positively pushed a personal and relational boundary.

Excellent, glad your experience was so exciting. Thanks for sharing.
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