Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-30-2013, 07:18 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 683
Default Relationship Configurations

There often seems to be a tendency for people new to poly—and sometimes old-timers as well—to see a particular relationship shape as The One True Way To Be Poly™. This then leads to communication problems when they assume that everyone else uses the same definitions that they do.

There are others, usually newcomers, who wonder if they're really poly because they don't exactly fit the One True Poly™ model they first stumbled across and who wonder what they should call themselves instead.

In order to demonstrate the great variety that's out there (and the fact that I'm easily amused on a Saturday morning) I've drawn up a few of the more commonly referred-to configurations I've come across.

V (or Vee):


Triad:


Quad:


Another type of Quad:


N:


W:


Example of a Tangle:


Feel free to add more. Perhaps when there are more examples people will stop judging everyone else on how closely they conform to their own personal idea of what One True Poly™ looks like.

Last edited by Emm; 11-30-2013 at 07:23 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-30-2013, 07:20 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 683
Default

This is my current network out to the metamour level (I'm the purple one, double lines indicate married couples, and the dotted line is a non-romantic sexual relationship):

Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-30-2013, 10:11 AM
northhome northhome is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Western Europe
Posts: 169
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
(double lines indicate married couples, and the dotted line is a non-romantic sexual relationship):
Interesting. Started to do my own diagram but I'm wondering what line pattern to use for a non-sexual romantic relationship?
__________________
Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.

- Tao Te Ching
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-30-2013, 10:47 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 683
Default

Pick a different dot or dash pattern, I guess. I just used double and dashed lines 'cause that's what sprung to mind first.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-30-2013, 10:57 AM
london london is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,417
Default

Never seen anyone here say a particular configuration like a triad or quad or whatever is the true way to do poly. What I have seen people say is that controlling rules and hierarchy are popular in certain configurations, like a closed triad, and these configurations are often attractive to people because they offer increased control and supervision of your partner's relationships.

But anyway, right now, neither me or my partner are seeing anyone else regularly. But I guess we are N people. We just have as many relationships as we can manage basically. Our partners will probably never meet although that isn't forbidden, just unlikely.
__________________
Please forward any comments, complaints or suggestions about my various thoughts and opinions here.

Last edited by london; 11-30-2013 at 02:59 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-30-2013, 12:35 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 167
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
...What I have seen people say is that controlling rules and hierarchy are popular in certain configurations, like a closed triad, and these configurations are often attractive to people because they offer increased control and supervision of your partner's relationships.
I think I've only seen you make these points with those words, with the assumption of control and supervision in some configurations and not others.

I don't think labeling lines makes much sense (a controlling line is wavy? a supervision line that's not d/s is green?). To me, poly exists in the fact of more than one line coming from a node. What happens after that is up to the participants and typically also changes with time. I'd drop the dashes and doubles for that reason, too.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-30-2013, 12:38 PM
northhome northhome is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Western Europe
Posts: 169
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pulliman View Post
To me, poly exists in the fact of more than one line coming from a node.
I agree. Thought about it a bit, and realised that it's not what we do, but the intensity of the connection that defines my relationships. Intensity definitely changes over time.
__________________
Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.

- Tao Te Ching
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-30-2013, 02:59 PM
london london is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,417
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pulliman View Post
I think I've only seen you make these points with those words, with the assumption of control and supervision in some configurations and not others.

I don't think labeling lines makes much sense (a controlling line is wavy? a supervision line that's not d/s is green?). To me, poly exists in the fact of more than one line coming from a node. What happens after that is up to the participants and typically also changes with time. I'd drop the dashes and doubles for that reason, too.
So you've never seen anyone jump on people looking for a closed triad? Or are you saying I'm the only person who hunts unicorn hunters on here?
__________________
Please forward any comments, complaints or suggestions about my various thoughts and opinions here.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-30-2013, 03:45 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 814
Default

When did this thread become another thread about Unicorns? Can we have just one blinkin thread about configurations that is not centred around bloody Unicorns and their hunters?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-30-2013, 04:01 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 167
Default different shapes, for fun...

What the hell, this is the shape of my life right now. Kinda between a tangle and a triad? Who the hell knows. I'm polysaturated, that's for sure.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg arrangement.jpg (70.1 KB, 6 views)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:28 AM.