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  #11  
Old 04-27-2009, 03:29 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Interesting enough me and my girlfriend talked about the issue of me referring to myself as monagomous and how it seems to strike a cord with some people. She wondered if there was a political aspect. I believe there is now.

I am proud of my relationship, proud of her and her family, proud that I appreciate the nature of polyamory and proud to be monogamous with her. I use labels to identify fundamental natures of loving and not to identify anything beyond human relationships.

I have no interest in politics or seeking acceptance from society. I simply want to share my emotional experiences from a place of knowledge as I move through this wonderful endless adventure.

I have three things that guide my friendships when talking to people about my relationship.

a) I don't need understanding
b) I certainly do not need aproval
c) To be my friend you simply have to accept that I am happy.

I am monogamous because I only love one person in an intimate way at a time. I don't work any other way.
To clarify: Intimate Love, for me, refers to love that is expressed sexually as well as through other means. I don't intimately love my parents or siblings. I intimately love my girlfriend.

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 04-27-2009 at 04:36 AM.
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  #12  
Old 04-28-2009, 07:40 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Reference the comment " I suppose it all comes down to whether - for you - being polyamorous means having/wanting more than one lover, or being in/wanting to be in a polyamorous relationship". (I'll figure out the quote tool later!) In my case this definitely means I am in a polyamorous relationship.

It has nothing to do with wanting anything other than to love her. I didn't fall in love with polyamory (I can barely wrap my head around it LOL); I fell in love with her. Her being polyamorous gave me the opportunity though! So I honour the love style for sure.

She could have been in any type of love style and even...dare I say it..monogamous and I would have fallen in love with her. It was my immediate trust in her that was the basis for our profound connection. I wouldn't change a thing..because this works. It challenges us and makes us communicate. Something I lost during a long marriage. I really don't care what it is called. I call it incredibly natural.

Thanks for the great discussions around this topic! I respect the points of view brought forth by each of you

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 04-28-2009 at 07:48 AM.
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  #13  
Old 04-29-2009, 01:29 AM
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smilnlol smilnlol is offline
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Hi I am new.
I see my relationship eventually being similar to yours. I don't think I will be able to have an intimate relationship with multiple people. Right now my hubby isn't persuing the poly life style because it upsets me but I feel bad about it. I hope it is ok to ask if you have any jealousy issues.

Thx,
Smil
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  #14  
Old 04-29-2009, 02:13 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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This will be quick I'm afraid, but I will try to give you a more complete answer later.

In short..YES.....You had better believe I feel jealousy!! But let me quickly expand on this as it does tie into another two posts of mine in the New to Polyamory forum. You might want to read the Fear of Loss and also my post explaining my mono/poly relationship with Redpepper.

Let me be clear I have 100% compersion towards her incredible husband. He has given me a gift as well as her and I only hope to honour that. I love doing things to make them closer. Their relationship is paramount and if I begin to threaten it, my love for Redpepper will have to be reshaped for my own well being.

I do feel a little jealousy towards her other intimate friends but through meeting them and seeing their concern and genuine friendship with her it is bordering pure compersion as well.

The bulk of my jealousy is tied up in relationships that have not formed yet!! Figure that out?! Primarily the unknown scares me..where will I fit in? My god he might blow her mind in bed and she will think about him when we have sex! (actually. now that I think about that it kinda really annoys me..hmm) His penis could make mine look like a child's in comparison! I could go on and on with the list of concerns! Such a waste of energy but soo real to me. Because I feel different as a monogamous person, I am constantly preparing myself for new relationships to enter her life. I feel jealous about the future..it's really quite pathetic actually

The big question is, is my jealousy overpowering my enjoyment in this relationship..absolutely not!! I am fully prepared to face my insecurities and jealousy head on. I love Redpepper immensely and she is the most trusted person I have ever known. I know she loves me immensely as well. I see it, feel it and never want to lose that.

This is not easy..especially for a monogamous nature to understand. But I don't need to understand it to love her with all my heart and accept that she loves me

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 04-29-2009 at 02:42 AM.
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  #15  
Old 04-29-2009, 03:38 AM
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smilnlol smilnlol is offline
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Thank you for answering my question so candidly. I really appreciate it.
This actually made me really target the type of jealousy I experience. I don't want to share Quath's attention. I can't imagine making plans for the weekend and having him tell me ..OH SORRY TAKING BLAHBLAH OUT FOR DINNER AND SOME SEX. MAYBE NEXT WEEKEND SWEETY- (ok-not that he would ever talk like that but this is my insane, irrational jealousy talking here) It's my version of a small penis. It really worries me that badly. I totally understand how you feel and I am glad I am not alone.

Thx,
Smil
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  #16  
Old 04-29-2009, 03:05 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Hi again. You are definitely not alone. The reason I came on this forum was to share my perspective as a monogamous lover in a polyamorous relationship. I am glad you are taking something from my posts and I get something back in knowing I am giving to someone based on experience.

I spoke with Redpepper last night about posting on this forum and in fact specifically chatting with you as another monogamous person. Part of a complete visit for us is open communication that peels away layers to ensure we never let things build up.

Redpepper is very aware that my intimate love hinges on deep connection and she is also aware that I only have that connection for one person at a time. I was concerned that she might worry about me connecting with a like minded person and therefore be threatened. Don't laugh! This is the type of detail in communication we both love and need in our relationship. She knows that I will stop anything that makes her uncomfortable and would in fact withdrawal from this forum. She was adamant that I don't stop posting and enjoys me sharing details about our relationship and my perspective.

There are feelings and thoughts that everyone has that, once looked at objectively, appear insane or irrational. But that is part of being human! If we try to discount these feelings and not look at them, live in them and learn from them we are heading for pain.

It is normal for these feelings to be soothed by people and discussed. That is how we grow and determine our path. If anyone tries to discount your feelings then they are not respecting your perspective and that is a disservice.

Keep smiling and be true to yourself..don't get lost in your puppy. He/she won't make everything all right if it isn't.

Now stop thinking and enjoy your day!
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  #17  
Old 05-15-2009, 03:03 PM
vampiresscammy vampiresscammy is offline
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Heyla and Welcome MonoVCPHG,

its very intrigueing getting another perspective on the various types of poly out there, and I for one am greatly appreciating your input/posts/comments and advice, thank you for sharing
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  #18  
Old 05-15-2009, 03:13 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Thanks Vampirescammy,

Somteimes I find it very difficult to read some posts and not take on the pain of others. I like to contribute and share my experiences. I have a wonderful poly relationship and there are certainly challenges my monogamous nature poses. Most of them are related to a fear of the future in some areas. I am amazingly blessed to have Redpepper and her family in my life. I have not felt a love for someone like this before and I am embracing it for all it is worth!!
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